[ SECRET POST #4470 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4470 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 33 secrets from Secret Submission Post #640.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Realizing you have feelings for someone else when you're in a relationship...

[(Anonymous)]

OP

Thanks. Yeah, that's something I'm thinking about. If I was happy in my current relationship, I don't think I'd be having feelings for someone else.

You're right. I'm not sure how she'll react when I tell her, but she has a lot to figure out, and I need to give her the room to do that without adding any more difficulties to the situation.

different anon

[(Anonymous)]

IDK OP, I think it's pretty common and natural for feelings for people to arise, like ... parents don't go 'I have one kid, if I was truly happy with this child, I don't think I'd be able to have a second child and love them'. That's not how love works! And there are plenty of people in poly relationships or open marriages and things like that who see love as sort of an infinite kind of thing; there isn't a capacity meter for it - just because you love someone doesn't mean you could never love anyone else.

The thing is there's... loving someone, and there's committing to them, and building a life together with them, and sleeping with them, and being vulnerable and intimate with them, and all of these are actually different things that you may or may not experience with the same individual.

Personally, I am of the opinion that you or your colleague shouldn't feel bad about loving or having feelings for each other. But if that love makes either of you lie or go behind the back or betray another person who trusted you, then the problem isn't really the feelings, but how you've acted on them.

For instance, imagine a polyamorous couple married to each other with children, and let's say the husband fell in love with a guy that he met through his art class or something like that. And the other guy loves him too. So he goes home and tells his wife, who thinks that's fantastic - her husband is an amazing man, of course, other people would love him! And she thinks he has equally amazing taste (after all, he married her, didn't he?) so she'd love to meet this new guy that she has so much in common with, like loving and appreciating the same great guy.

The above is a case where two people are happy and fulfilled in their current relationship, and can still have feelings for other people and act on them in a healthy and responsible manner. It's not typical at all, but it's not inconceivable or impossible for it to happen. But you should know that this is also another possibility, or another take on the kind of situation you're in.

Re: different anon

[(Anonymous)]

just because you love someone doesn't mean you could never love anyone else.

Please read carefully. Nobody is saying that being in a good, healthy relationship means you never have feelings for anyone else, ever. OP's situation is slightly different. She was actually contemplating leaving her partner for this new person. THAT'S the red flag for being unhappy in your current relationship.

Bringing polyamory into this doesn't really seem relevant. If OP and OP's current partner were okay with that, OP probably would've mentioned that.

Re: different anon

[(Anonymous)]

OP

Reading over the responses after at least a few hours' sleep I'm now seeing a bunch of errors in my other comments that I didn't notice at the time, so hopefully they've made sense!

Anyway, thank you for the comment! I'm definitely a more monogamous type of person and can't imagine myself being happy in a poly situation, but I think it's awesome that it works for some people. Thanks for a different perspective on the situation, it's always interesting to see things from a different point of view.