Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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fandomsecrets2008-09-18 04:22 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2008-09-18 04:22 pm
[ SECRET POST #622 ]
⌈ Secret Post #622 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
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FOR 168
Actually, my favourite book from that series was The Magician's Nephew. I went into that book with NO real religious background or creation myth to speak of; with eyes almost entire new to the idea of a creation story. (All I knew was, "God said, 'Let there be light,'" and there was some sort of garden with naked people in it or whatever.)
And it was THE most powerful and beautiful thing I'd EVER read. In many ways, it still is. I was a child when I read it, mind you, and I haven't read it since, but this was the impression it left on me:
The sense of Aslan as this incredible being FAR beyond our comprehension, who could only appear to us as a lion because no other form came anywhere near to his glory (not that a lion was even that close) deeply moved me. The evocation of the birth of - well, a world, but. I don't know if the book said this or not, but I remember seeing Aslan as somehow beyond everything that ever was or will or could be, that he created all of existence, all the fabric of time and space and anything beyond that of which we are unaware. I felt as though I was glimpsing something so vast that just the sheer scale, the magnificence of it, literally brought me to tears.
And the sense that, despite his unimaginable power, his all-encompassing love for everything - this whole sick, miserable, ugly existence - made him somehow vulnerable made me love Aslan absolutely, with all my heart. I would have rather died than seen him hurt. I didn't want to go back to the non-fictional world - I pretended I was able to hold his mane and tell him that I loved him more than anything, and that I'd spend my life trying to be worthy of his love.
...I only read it the once, and it left such a lasting impression on me that I was afraid to read it again later on for fear that it would not be as wonderful as I remembered. But reading that was definitely the closest to a spiritual experience I ever got. It opened my sense of the universe. I couldn't not cry.
But I also cried because I just knew, with utter certainty, that no being as wonderful as Aslan could ever possibly exist.
Actually, that was probably the thing that led to my love of science fiction. Star Wars and Doctor Who give me more faith in...something, the hope that there is some essential goodness, than religion ever managed to. I think it's always seemed obvious that fiction was the place to look for hope, because that was where I found it in the first place. Or thought I did.
It was not until the new movies came out that I went back and made the mental connection. Christian propaganda fail! How on earth was I meant to realize that the raw, otherworldly vision I saw in that book was somehow connected to humanity's petty gods and oppressive religions? People keep trying to describe their Christian god to me as if he were, well, Aslan, but I can't see what they see; I knew a long time ago that Aslan isn't real. (Guess I never could have ended up a theist.)
And when I did realize the book was one giant allusion to the Christian creation myth...
...It ruined it. Just a bit. Nothing else could have made the memory of that book seem cheap and sleazy for a moment, but that did it.
To me, C.S. Lewis made Christian beliefs into something pure and ineffably wonderful...but only when I didn't know the source.
Now, to borrow a fannish phrase, I can't unsee it.