fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4544 ]

[ SECRET POST #4544 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4544 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 38 secrets from Secret Submission Post #651.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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Do you have it? What's your flavour? How do you deal?

Brought to you by the guy hitting on me at the pizza place last night. I have finally gotten my social anxiety down enough to chat mostly comfortably with strangers about inconsequential things, but as someone who mostly identifies as aro/ace, someone hitting on me just blows that all out of the water.

Like, dude, I am waiting for my pizza. I do not want to focus on you telling me I'm beautiful (when lets be honest, 'cute' is probably the word that is more accurate, I mean, I have dimples), asking me if I'm married, have kids, want kids, oh why not? Everyone should like/have kids, you deserve a guy who buys you things!

Meanwhile I am being blunt, "No I don't like people enough to keep them, no I don't like kids." while sweating like the main character from Airplane.

I legit thought I might actually embarrass myself by fainting in a pizza joint.

ew yea that sounds uncomfortable. it's nice to hear compliments like that sometimes! and he might have genuinely thought you were beautiful. but yea, dude had zero needs to keep pressing the convo like that :/

i've gotten my anxiety pretty much in control over the past few years. i used to just randomly seize up w chest pains and hyperventilate sometimes for what appeared to me to be no reason so it's nice to not have to deal w that anymore.

now the most uncomfortable anxiety flavor~ i still get embarrassed over is if i am talking about something that's really important to me, emotionally, i can be speaking as calmly and articulately as all get out BUT. my teeth will be at least lightly chattering and my body gets kinda quakey? lmao. like pls, brain, i am trying to sound reasonable and mature here!

Ugh. I know how you feel. I was in a car accident, and the guy who hit me was hitting on me (I'm aro/ace too). While we were waiting for the cops (it was raining and when I called my insurance agent she said lots of accidents had been reported, so it was taking awhile) he pulled this "I'm friends with a cop" thing (to impress me I guess?) and went and called his friend and talked about this "cute girl" he rear-ended, which of course led to him making anal sex jokes to his friend (he had walked several feet away at that point and I guess thought I couldn't hear him). He ended up telling me basically his entire life story, contradicted himself about various things during the conversation (he grew up in a trailer park, in a mansion, and on a farm at various points), told me about some "condition" he has that affects him mentally and how he probably shouldn't have been driving, he was in the middle of a divorce from his pregnant wife (he straight up told me she left him because he hit her, then a couple minutes later said he left her because she was "crazy") who he already had two kids with and how he'd left his first wife because she didn't want kids. Kept putting his arm around my shoulders and rubbing my arm, made jokes about how we needed to run away together, then started saying racist shit (a kid rode by us on a bike and this redneck asshole said he thought the kid probably stole the bike because he was black), went to pee in an empty soda bottle in the back seat of his car at some point, asked if I was "wild in bed", then at the very end after the cops came and we were both leaving, gave me his business card (the entire time he kept talking about how he owned an upholstery company and made a ton of money, his business card said he was a "sales associate" lol) and told me to call him so we could go out some time. Yeaaaahhh no.

I don't even know this guy and I fucking hate him.

Urgh, that sounds awful and the fact that he kept asking personal questions makes it worse. Why the hell should he care if you want kids or not? Jesus.

If we're talking about dudes hitting, I had a dude talk to me at the supermarket and giving me his phone. I just shoved it in my pocket and forgot about it. That was the end of it, right? Wrong. Weeks later I went to the pharmacy to buy some medicine and who is there waiting for me outside in his motorcycle? Well the same dude, of course! He gave me his phone again and I shoved it in my pocket and forgot about again. Week later I was in a rush (can't remember what it was about) and running on the street and you will never guess who passed by in his car. But of course none other than the same dude. This time I really had no time to be polite and told him I was in a rush. He kept insisting we should talk but I ended up brushing him off and going back to doing what needed to be done.

Honestly by then it had gotten uncomfortable enough that nowadays I end up looking around to make sure he's not there.

Awww, well, the good news is that eventually you'll be over 40 and entirely invisible. Huzzah!

I have terrible anxiety and take a small dose of Valium most days. Marijuana works best, but it's illegal in my state, and that's unlikely to change in my lifetime.

ugh ugh ugh. only thing worse than a stalker? a stalker who rams kids down everybody's throat. I feel for you.

That guy sounds super gross.

Anxiety, I have loads of it. Combination of genes + bad childhood is what my doctors all tell me is why it's so bad. I'm just getting off a high dose of medication because I'm sick of feeling drugged up.

Pizza dude sounds like a real winner. *eyeroll* What I don’t get is why he thinks his tactics would get him far even with non-anxious, non-ace women. Sorry he made you uncomfortable.

Me? Have anxiety? Hoo boy do I ever. I literally let my mail pile up for months at a time because I’m afraid of unexpected bills, even though that’s the worst possible way to deal with them. I’m so glad I can autopay most of the routine stuff, and at least with things like property and income taxes I know the deadlines and can plan ahead.

I’m pretty sure I’m some variety of ace, but not aro. Still, people hitting on me flip me the fuck out, because I assume they’re mocking me, there’s something really wrong with them, or they’re some kind of nut who means me harm. I guess that’s as much paranoia as anxiety, but it’s unfortunately based on experience.

On the rare occasions strangers who hit on me have seemed both sincere and well-meaning, I end up gabbling apologies or laughing at my own panic, and I’m pretty sure I’ve offended them, but I’m never laughing at them, I’m laughing at how fucked up my brain is.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that, OP. I'm ace/aro too, and that kind of thing always makes me really uncomfortable.

I have fairly severe anxiety that flares up pretty much anytime I have to do a substantial task that I don't want to do. If I'm booked to work, that's the big one - I get horribly anxious about how early I'll have to get up and how difficult my commute will be and what the conditions at work will be like. But other stuff makes me very anxious too, like doing taxes, buying a new phone or laptop, helping a friend move, going for any sort of specialist appointment, etc.

School was always shit, because I'd exhaust myself stressing about homework and tests. Post secondary has always been out of the question for that reason.

I've gotten a little bit better at pushing through the anxiety over the years, but the anxiety hasn't really lessened that much, I just have more practice functioning despite it.

IDK, I think unwanted attention would be enough to annoy even folks who don't deal with tons of anxiety. I can't stand it when someone hits on me and can't get the hint that I am not interested. I find it so disrespectful, like they don't see me as a person, and only as something to be fucked, as if I have no other value.

You as a person have a right to set boundaries. And you don't owe some idiot stranger your life story or any justification of your life choices, and anyone who doesn't respectfully back off when you try to shut that shit down deserves to be ignored.

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[ SECRET POST #4544 ]

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