[ SECRET POST #4719 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4719 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 38 secrets from Secret Submission Post #676.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

This is an instance where it is a valid point. You have to experience it to fully understand the intensity of the bonding with your newborn.

[(Anonymous)]

Unless you don't.

[(Anonymous)]

But you do. Wouldn't you agree that, for example, a neurotypical person could never in a million years understand what it's really like to have bipolar disorder without experiencing it? You're basically just saying the equivalent of "Oh, you're depressed? Just do yoga at dawn and try a juice cleanse! It's impossible to feel down after that!"

[(Anonymous)]

Sorry - to be clear, what I mean is that you understand the intensity of the bonding with the newborn, unless you don't feel it.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, okay, that makes more sense. Apologies for jumping to conclusions.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah like, your brain basically gives you a big dose of homemade heroin. Oxytocin (and other neurotransmitters) is a hell of a drug.

It doesn't happen for everyone but like...having sudden changes in brain chemistry has very little to do with what's "in character for you" or aligns with your conscious goals, as anyone who's had depression, anxiety, BPD, ADHD or even bad PMS can attest.

That said, a diversity of experiences in stories is always better than a monoculture.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, uh the "don't worry, childbirth will totally brainwash you" arguement actually makes me want kids even less, it's too scary.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not saying that should make it appealing for you? I don't want kids either. I'm just saying that the depiction of it fics OP objected to isn't unrealistic even for characters you wouldn't necessarily expect.

(Which does nothing to address the Doylist problems in terms of the prevalence of the trope, but that's a separate issue.)

[(Anonymous)]

OP - If this intense bonding with your newborn were a universal experience, I'd agree with you. But there's a mountain of anecdotal evidence (and probably some actually studies I've never bothered to look for) that tell us it's very much not a universal experience. Plenty of people feel nothing when their child is first born. Plenty of people feel fear and anxiety more than anything else. I've even seen secret confessions of people saying they love their kids but as soon as their child was born they realized they regretted having a baby and even years on they still regret it. I wouldn't wish that one anyone, but it's what some people experience.

So yes, I'd have to have a baby to know for sure how I would feel about my newborn. But I know myself. And I know that loving anyone on-sight is probably not something I am remotely capable of, least of all a being that is going to depend on me for everything, sap my savings, demand my attention, and minimize my sleep hours for many years to come.

[(Anonymous)]

Except nobody's saying it's not intense, or that it doesn't happen, or that they don't believe it's as intense as you say. That's not the argument at all. The argument is that not everyone's experience is a 100% positive lovefest and maybe it'd be nice if fiction reflected that. You don't need to be a parent to get that.

[(Anonymous)]

Not necessarily. I've had a newborn. I didn't get that amazing instant bond that everyone seems to talk about. Mine developed over time.