fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4749 ]

[ SECRET POST #4749 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4749 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Dracula (the upcoming 2020 series)]

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03.

[Letter Bee]

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04.

[The Untamed]

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05.

[Queer Eye, S01 E03 "Dega Don't"]

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06.

[The Witcher]

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07.

[RWBY]

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08.

[The Last Airbender]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 07 secrets from Secret Submission Post #680.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Share 'em.

I never turn on lights when I'm alone in a room, unless I'm reading something non-electronic at night. I didn't used to think this was weird, but I've gotten some strange reactions from people who've found out. So I guess this is really weird? But during the day I can see just fine even with the blinds closed. And at night I have my pills all laid out, and there are rarely reasons I would need light beyond what is on my computer screen (which I keep dimmed using FLux).

I have sensitive eyes, always have. Too much light hurts. But I guess this is a weird habit that I've been told is unhealthy by some people?

I only turn on lights at night. There's no point during the day when there's plenty of light outside and the room has windows. I can understand using lights during the day if you're in a room with few/no windows, but otherwise, why?

Okay, I'm not weird then. My family has all the blinds and curtains open during the day, plus a light wherever they are working at a particular time. I always get told I should let in some light, or asked how I can see in my room during the day. Even with the blinds closed it is still plenty bright. We're not talking black curtains.

I hate overhead lights and direct sunlight. Dim lamps or nothing.

I do the same thing. I'll turn lights off whenever I can, and always have my screens on as dim as possible. (I swear Flux is like a godsend) I guess it can strain your eyes, I've had borderline glaucoma (which is probably the cause of my sensitivity to light) for years, and I found darker rooms are a lot more beneficial to my eyes than having the lights on.

If you've got sensitive eyes, that seems a pretty good reason to do exactly what you're doing, nonny.

This isn't a secret, I just want to complain...
Dear Charity Cold Callers,
I appreciate that you are trying to shake me down for a good cause - I mean, you only have my contact details because I've either given you money in the past, or I've signed some petition for you. Either way, I in some way support the work that you do. But for fuck's sake, when I say, "Sorry, I live on a government pension that's well under minimum wage, I give what I can, I can't give any more," and you say, "Oh, but how about you give just one dollar more a week-"
I hardly think you can complain that I hang up! You're lucky I don't just start cussing! Give it a goddamn rest!

I find that so annoying. Like, sure, I don't mind occasional calls and mailings. I get it. Even regular ones. I already give to you. You do good work. But constant calls, daily mailings, and pressure in the calls like that? You're just lucky that I care enough about the people/animals you are helping that you're obnoxiousness isn't enough to make me give in to my instincts to stop giving and to send you a strongly worded letter telling you exactly why.

My mum was being bothered by the Fred Hollows Foundation so often that she told them if they called her again she'd stop giving them any money at all. They stopped :)

Re: Non-fandom secrets

philstar22 - 2020-01-07 03:26 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Non-fandom secrets

(Anonymous) - 2020-01-07 17:26 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Non-fandom secrets

philstar22 - 2020-01-07 03:31 (UTC) - Expand

I've started sending those strongly worded letters. It's easy with email and does at least let them know there's a problem, and takes up their time and effort.

My beef is not so much the money (though twas the case not long ago, and yes, a dollar a week is over $50 a year and that's big money) but that I have to get up to answer the door-knockers. I've got arthritis, gdi! This is why I don't want to stop and listen to your spiel in the shopping mall either. Let me just put some money in a tin and leave it at that!

I'd be tempted to troll them and really milk it...

"Oh... well, you're right. I guess I could skip more meals. You only need one square meal a day, right?"

"Well... my heart condition isn't THAT bad, I guess. I suppose I could just not get my medication this month..."

*upvotes madly*

Tempting...

Usually they're young volunteers/unpaid interns. They aren't professionals. Phone calls are awkward, you're "put on the spot" even from the caller's perspective, and they just don't know how to respond. They know the goal is to solicit donations, and they're too awkward to navigate gracefully when someone throws them a wrench. But they mean well, and again, they're likely not being paid for that work. I know it's annoying but be gentle with them.

Source: I used to work at a nonprofit with a good cause, as both a volunteer and a manager so I've been on both the caller and the one organizing call campaigns with interns/volunteers. It's very thankless work.

Ayrt - intellectually I know all of that, but when I've answered the phone in the middle of filling out my bimonthly "please don't cut me off I need to pay rent" forms, it's hard not to feel a bit cross.
Also, one time I told a charity cold caller I was unemployed and she basically said, "that sucks, thanks for donating what you can, good luck finding a job", so now I live in hope they'll all do that.

I never answer my phone if it's a number I don't recognize, so I've never really have to deal with that too often.
Honestly, the one (and they only called once believe it or not) time when WWF called, they were extremely pleasant to talk to, I said that my financial situation wasn't as sound as it was before and I couldn't afford to give donations (which was true), they were very kind and understanding about it. I'm guessing that might change depending on who you get on the phone of course.
Other than that, I get 5 cents, and a notepad or stickers from MS every month or so as some sort of incentive to give them money. I've only ever done it once, but they keep sending me stuff anyways. I kinda love it.

The only other time I had an incident on the phone with a telecaller was when I was home sick from school when I was like ten. The phone company called and we had to of talked for two whole hours before I ended up agreeing to whatever the hell they were trying to sell me. I still remember how happy she sounding in making a sale before she asked about my details, and the way he voice just dropped when she couldn't even peg me for being sixteen. I got in so much shit when I told my parents about it later, I have to say.

This is all feelings and thoughts, not plans or intentions.

For a long, long time, I've had the mostly-irrational feeling that if I could just kill someone, just once, it would drain out a lot of the anger and stress that's been accumulating in me since childhood and only seems to keep building, never fading. Sure, the things I get angry and stressed about fade away, but the internal "bucket" doesn't drain out when its source goes away, just like water in a cup doesn't disappear when you turn off the faucet. It sort of makes sense to me, maybe in the same ridiculous way that part of me thinks that cutting myself would release emotional pain through the opening like a vapor (there are so, so many reasons I know that's a fucking stupid image, but it's the one my weird abstract mind keeps picturing).

Sometimes...this is so fucked up...I fantasize about killing a live shooter in a public place. That way, I wouldn't go to prison. And nobody would know how fucked up I am, how I actually wanted to bash someone's brains out just once in my life, because they'd all just think I was some kind of hero. I picture sneaking up behind a shooter in a grocery store with a frying pan and just swinging with all I've got. I'm sure if I were ever in that situation, I'd probably panic or die or both, but...it's a pleasant daydream, for me. It'd be the best of all worlds: I'd get to maybe vent 25 years worth of psychological pain, the victim would be someone who really deserved it, and I wouldn't have to worry so much about legal consequences.

Anyway...my therapist knows. She knows I want to kill someone. She also knows I won't. Wanting to isn't the same as having it in me to do it. (I think, if I were ever going to do it, it would have happened in high school, when my rage and impulse control were at their worst ever.) I'm grateful for her. I can tell her these thoughts, and she won't freak out, because she understands.

Finding the right therapist makes all the difference in the world. I've glad you've found someone you can be open with, and I hope she continues to help you and you are able to keep talking to her.

I'd like to suggest Tai Chi here because it could help relieve some of your stress.

Oof...this makes me feel creeped out and a bit afraid. Can you visit a shooting range and pretend all the blank targets are people you dislike to let out your feelings?

Re: TW: murder, self-harm, other related things

(Anonymous) - 2020-01-07 04:37 (UTC) - Expand

Just wondering, do you watch any revenge thriller films?

Have you tried one of those places you go explicitly just to smash things? Rage rooms, I think they're called. We have one near us I plan on visiting. You pay a bit of money because, and I quote this from one near here, "Sometimes you just want to smash a broken printer with a baseball bat."

The murder with a cause fantasy isn't as uncommon as you'd think. I used to daydream about fights I could get into or provoke in order to defend someone or myself even it they ended up being to the death. I was in my adolescence, and they were mainly as a means to reinforce my convictions by play acting the most serious of dilemmas inside my mind, or as a way to make myself feel empowered/prepared in the case where push came to shove, and especially the coming out as a hero ideal that you mentioned. They stopped as I got older but they were a common daydream I had none the less.

I had my fair share of anger growing up, and I had a set sort of justice that only I knew. (basically organized crime logic) So I do get the cup left over after the pot has been drained type of mentality. I think it's what you make of it is what's most important. Those fantasies do take a drop out of the cup, but obviously acting on them would only cause that cup to overflow and stain with blood, not empty it.
The same with the cutting. I've cut myself before with the mentality that it was a sort of like a bleeding, like they did in the middle ages when people got hysterical or sick. As a way to get the bad blood out so I could heal with the new. It's a complete crock, and is primitive and effective as you'd expect, but it was what I used to deal at the time.

I'd say it's good you're open to talk about this as a whole. It's not an easy thing to do, I can imagine. I'm glad you have a therapist that helps you as you need it! I'm glad she understands!

It's 5:30 AM I haven't slept, and I forgot I have a dentists appointment due in a few hours, and a doctors appointment sometime this week that I lost the date and time for;;
I called the doc like five times but the inbox is full since the took a break for the holidays and I don't know when they get back, and also because it's always fucking full!
Secret because I do this a fucking lot, and it's gotten to the point I'm not even bothered because who the fuck really cares really. (ANSWER: I do.)

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