fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4920 ]

[ SECRET POST #4920 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4920 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 11 secrets from Secret Submission Post #704.
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I'm so upset right now.

I've been so stressed lately that it's caught up with me in a physical way. My father's been sick. He has cancer, and has gone through surgery to remove his prostate. It's the same thing that killed my grandfather. He had surgery less than a week ago. Before that, him and my mother vacationed away in their camper as soon as the parks re-opened after this pandemic.
He spoke to me about his fears if he didn't make it. That me and my sister would be left stranding. I believed these worries were based on me and my sister being alone watching the house, not being able to take care of it, nor take care of ourselves... I reassured him that it isn't as if we haven't been left alone before. We might have our anxieties, we have trouble leaving the house, but time and time again we've taken care of what we've needed too.
For weeks before his surgery we've been doing just that. The house, the yard, the pool. Only when we wanted to visit, we were told that the pool guys were coming over to replace the liner, the house needed taken care of, there wasn't enough room.
So we stayed and looked after it, all the while we weren't in contact with the people coming over to work on our pool. Everything went through our mother, who's interactions ended up being to tell us to unlock the gates at ten only for them not to show. Asking her if she'd talked to them. Despite her not having an answer, she hadn't talked to anyone- so I wake up to unlock the doors at nine in the morning, only to find that they're already here. (I think they fucking jumped the gate to get in FFS) This confusion extended for a few days. I wanted to leave the locks unlocked, said to my mother that I locked them at night so that "nobody would fall into the pool and sue us" but she had our neighbours check in to make sure. (I didn't since I still didn't know when the fuck the pool people would show up) My father's talking to us all they while to tell us that we're doing a great job, yada yada yada, but then that he'd asked the neighbours to mow the lawn if they thought they needed too.
I was like WTF? and basically told him as much, but I didn't want to stress him. Before that he'd told me that I didn't need to use the edger, it wasn't a big deal. I still did it, like I always had before. But all of a sudden that wasn't good enough. Even as I do what he says, he's calling up more things like I'm failing at things I never knew I needed to do. (even as I complete them as he asks)
Anyways... The next week, (the week after his surgery) I find myself watching the neighbours mowing my lawn. Thing is I planned to do it that evening, I get heatstroke/overheated easily so I like to do that sort of labour when the sun isn't blaring at me. I was confused, but whatever, it was fine. I would deal with it. (although it didn't help the neighbour was making his half my age son do the mowing for him)
All the household needs, the plants, and everything else was still taken care of. The only trouble was still the pool guys. They couldn't tell me while they were there when exactly they would come, just to call when the water level got to where they needed it, and my mother never talked to them enough to give them the details. So I guess it was that where I guess I failed.

Thing is that this week... every false nuance just stopped.
Every time that we wanted to visit make sure that he was doing okay had ended with a reasonable excuse as to why not. All the trust we had to take care of things while they were gone just evaporated... I don't get it. The garbage/recycling had literally like nothing in it, but when I take the trash out find the neighbours already have, my mother texts me the next day saying the front yard plants have alreay been watered. And it goes along from there.

If this was a test. If my father really hadn't thought we were capable. Then, by all means- I sincerely don't believe we failed.
The talk about the lawn was before the pool people arrived. The lawn mowing was during the pool being relined. The want for us to visit shut down completely just today. I'm used to them posturing about not wanting us to go the extra mile, but today the answer was just 'no'. I don't get it. I just don't.
He called back later saying we might as well come. Only to reveal later that my uncle was going to visit and he wanted to see us basically.

Shit. This is too long, and doesn't say even a quarter of what I meant to say.
I don't even care anymore. I couldn't even wake up yesterday, and was tears about it earlier today. But whatever... I'll just stay here, close my blinds just in case my parents gave the neighbours a spyglass to check how I'm sleeping in my room. Fuck it.

I get it that maybe my father doesn't want to see him sick (even though he visited) we don't talk about things like this. We don't talk about anything serious. Even when my grandfather passed I didn't visit him in his death bad due to my fathers silent non-request. Later he said as much.
I'm worried. I don't know.

What puts the cherry on the cake is that my normal escape is through fanfiction, but I've ran out of things I want to read. It's always left me at a loss, but in the last while things have just come to a head. My heart hurts. I hate it. My only other support when I was at my worst was my dog, but he died a long time ago.
I'm just sad, I really am.

Sorry for such a long post guys...

This's hard. I hope your father will be ok. I also hope you find something to lift your spirits and feel better.

OP

Thank you! He really should be, unless he strains something or pulls his staples/internal stitching. He never likes to sit still for too long and has been mentioning some bladder pain recently, but he assures it's all normal. I guess I just worry to much. And the fact he doesn't want us to see him is just making my worry worse.
I'm hoping to find something that'll lift my spirits too! It's just so disheartening that they thought so little of us that they contacted the neighbours with little to nothing of our knowledge to do the basic chores we've been doing for years as if there was no way we could have handled them... idk, I have the words to explain it I think, I'm just having a hard time pinning them down to bring across what I mean to say.

Regardless! Thank you for taking the time to read my rant, and being so kind! <33
It really does mean a lot!

ayrt
<3 to you too!

If anything, my parents are over-appreciative of me and my sister, and put too many responsibilities on us, so I can't really imagine your frustration about this situation, nonny. But I get the worry about sick relatives, it's so stressful.

ayrt

That's very tough too. Thank you again for replying so kindly btw, getting it off my chest and seeing your kind words really helped me a lot in the ways of feeling better. Thank you! <3

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[ SECRET POST #4920 ]

Re: OP

OP- should be good now?

Re: OP- should be good now?

Re: OP- should be good now?

Re: OP- should be good now?

Re: OP- should be good now?