fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4941 ]

[ SECRET POST #4941 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4941 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 09 secrets from Secret Submission Post #707.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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One thing that I hate about making recommendations is that I never know how deep to go. Like... should I recommend the 10 standard entry-level things in a particular genre? Should I recommend the things that I really love that most people who are passingly familiar with the genre will have heard of? Should I skip straight to the really obscure deep cuts that I love that almost no one has ever heard of?

And I feel like whatever choice I make is always wrong, if I recommend things that are pretty well-known the person thinks that my recommendations are too basic and if I recommend the weird stuff they think it's too out there

Just a completely unimportant thing that bugs me

Like who's actually asking you for these recommendations? Seriously.
You have to see it/ask about their point of view. Like I've been going through a list of over a thousand rec'ed comics as of late, and those who recced them to me knew the characters I liked, and included various important plot points for the universe as a whole. Obviously there were many I scrolled through when they didn't suit me, but the point is, you have to understand what a person wants first before you rec to them.
Ask them how far they are into the fandom, what they like, and what kind of things they're looking for, and how they feel about this major event or that... It'll be so much easier to rec something when you know what they other person is interested in.

Bras. Just bras in general. I hate the feel of wired bras. But it seems impossible to get good support and to look presentable for formal/business situations without wire.

And then I'm never the same size, my size always can vary quite a bit in different bra styles.

Heck, I'm going to add breasts while I'm at it. If breast reduction surgery was feasible and affordable for me I'd do it in a heartbeat. They are nothing but a pain. Literally. They don't even look good, they are too big and hanging for that.

nayrt

wired bras are the worst! (not actually but I really hate that they have the gall to try and tell me where my breasts start and how they should curve. What if they don't follow your preconceived notion of "shape"? And they dig into your sides!!!

You need to get a professional fitting and do some reasearch on your own. Measure your chest directly below your breasts, (big breath in so your ribs expand fully for the best approx. width of your body) and then remember that number.
Depending on how your breasts sit, you may need to wear your thinnest bra for the next measurement, but given that I assume none of the bras you own actually fit you properly, I suggest you lift your breasts as best you can with your free are so they hang as naturally as you can manoeuvre them to rest at the spot you made your first measurement. Don't squish or press on them any, just measure the width around the fullest part of your breast as best you are able.
This alone should give you a good suggestion of what size and cup you need.

The first measurement should be the inch size you find of on the sizing label of your bra, the number. Say for instance 38C, the 38 would, per example, be the initial measurement you made had you measured 38 inches around right under the breastline. (also note that bras are meant to be worn on the farthest hook, as the bra stretches through wear and washing you begin to use the shorter attachment hooks to extend your bras lifespan)
The second measurement should be subtracted against the initial measurement. For however many inches your breast size measures against your chest line you increase the alphabetical measure by inch. Say you have a size 34" 'waist' (where the band of your bra lies) and a 36" chest. You would wear a size 34B cup bra (by North American standards if I'm not mistaken) Because the 2" difference between the 'waist' and the chest size determines the cup. 1"=A, 2"=B, 3"=C, and so on.

An 'A' sized fitted bra with a 30" waist is not the same as an 'A' sized bra at a 36" waist.
If wires are giving you trouble by way of stabbing and jabbing you while not being exposed by wear and tear, or a super cheap bra, where the metal is actually in contact with your skin, then you need a larger cup size.
Your width length should fit comfortably around your bosom, no hangover or tightness at (if recently bought) the longest length. If the bra is causing uncomfortable body lumping then you need a larger inch size.

You can definitely find bras without wire that both support you and look professional. You just need thickness and fit. They go by the same rules I've stated above.

My advice is to go into a specialty store, Lasenza, La vie en Rose, whatever, but a place you can go in the back and try each bra on individually. Have an employee measure you, and ask for options, detailing your struggles with the bras you've been dealing with. They've heard it before, they'll hear it a thousand times again, but that little bit of embarrassment you have to go through now will lead to a lot more confidence and comfort as soon as you get through it, I assure you.

SA

Can't really go out to a store right now. My family is all high risk, so we're only shopping online.

I did find that 3 of my bras still fit pretty well, so I basically ordered a couple more of each of those. It appears my current cup size is sadly an H, which makes it harder because less stores carry those.

Re: Random Petty Annoyances

(Anonymous) - 2020-07-17 18:00 (UTC) - Expand

we've had 11 inches of rain since memorial day (normal is about...4?). Most of my plants are doing well except for some very small, close to the ground ones which have been literally drowned, and some of my 4-foot tall prairie wildflowers which have been bent or broken by the massively heavy downpours. I should be grateful that we're not in a drought and we don't have to water but jesus fuck can we just get some gentle rains, not massive thunderstorm complexes dumping 2 inches every time??

rip my wild ginger and trillium.

I'm terrified of storms and adore Trilliums so you have all my sympathy right here and now I have to say... but at the same time- where I live, we're going through a heat wave, and half of my mothers garden adores the sun apparently, (along with about a thousand weeds a day I have to tear out it feels like) while the other half absolutely hates it. I'm losing track of when the plants look wilted and in need of water, and when they've gotten far too much rain and just look sad because of that... Not to mention it doesn't help when the neighbours randomly decide to water the plants when they feel like without telling anyone, and it totally messes up my schedule even more than the halfass rain does!

The light is too bright but I don’t want to get up to turn it down.

This is why I literally did not change the lights in my room for about a year. Like, the florescence can't burn your retinas if they're not working, natch?

I'm on my period. I don't get cramps or anything, but it's just such a hassle. Also, I can't seem to go a single month without accidentally getting blood on something. I've been having periods for about 20 years, shouldn't I have gotten better at this by now?

So sorry nonny. I hope you get through it quickly and relatively cleanly. I really do not miss my periods. I still get a bit of a cycle, PMS, and cramping. But I very much don't miss blood getting everywhere.

Mine got worse the older I got. I was so happy to have my hysterectomy.

I get you, but I'm also worried now that I sometimes get all the shitty parts of periods except for most of the blood. I always used to think I only had a period roughly every two months when I was younger, with weird mid cycle mood swings and diarrhea and stuff that felt like PMS. Now that I'm in my late 30s I've started to spot every other month or so and have regular periods with shark week bleeding on alternate months. I've never heard of this being a normal peri-menopause thing and now I'm wondering if this always happened and I'm just spotting enough to notice now. Idk.

DA

Talk to your gynecologist. Every body is different. Some things are normal, some things are signs of something wrong, and a doctor will know best. But get second and third opinions if they don't actually listen to you. It took me years to find a doctor who actually listened to me and properly diagnosed and treated my endometriosis.

Also currently dealing with my period, and if this ain't a fucking mood... You have my sympathies.

Same. Like I hate my body in such a weird way. It changes to the point I'm like a completely different person basically by general body standards. From my hair to my bodily reactions, to my sleeping habits- not even starting in on my moods.
Like for the longest time I never really slept, I spent hours through the nights mock dreaming, because it was the closest thing I could find to rest. I never noticed it was strange because it's the way I've always been.
I was born with pure blond hair, casually straight, the older I got the darker it became, and now I'm a deep brunette. I''ve gone through perfectly straight hair, wavy, perfect ringlets, and casual curls all within a year or two.
When I first got my period it was extremely bad. I bled and bled and bled, I could barely use the washroom without becoming physically sick due to the pain. I'd have to crawl into the bathtub and blast myself with freezing water and hope I could keep myself from throwing up as I lay there.

Only very recently, in fact I remember the exact moment when things completely shifted. I sleep better, though not well, it still takes me two-three hours to fall asleep, my hair's stayed with it's brown colour and falls flat and dull at my shoulders, and my period although still very painful is manageable. I don't bleed as much, and I can breath through the pain now. I still wear backups on backups though. A tampon through the day with a pad underneath and a daily liner or two to prevent leakage. Most of this is just habit by now, and the only issue I have is upon waking up, without a lot of preventative padding I'll always stain my sleeping clothes through the night or through the rush of blood escaping once I sit up to start my day. I hate it.

it's so hot lately. and wearing pants makes me feel warmer. but not wearing pants makes shit stick to my skin and my knee pits get way sweaty lmao

Fisherman pants. Trust me. I live in satan's arsecrack. They're like wearing a light bed sheet that moves with you.

Re: Random Petty Annoyances

venusundae - 2020-07-17 03:23 (UTC) - Expand

I hope this stays a petty annoyance and doesn't get worse. I don't have the physical or mental stamina fo deal if it gets worse, tbh.

I inherited my house from my mom when she passed away. She got it from my dad in their divorce, and he got all their money, so there was nothing left for upkeep. Then he died, possibly by suicide, and she basically started a race between multiple cancers and severe alcoholism to see which would kill her first, so with all her medical bills there was really nothing left after that.

All that is to say, I own this place free and clear, but it's disintegrating, and my neighbors, who almost all bought the mcmansions that replaced similar old creaky tract houses like mine, are trying to get rid of me because this house has a rat problem. I think they think it's because I keep chickens, but they're native tree rats that eat fruit. I also grow fruit, which probably doesn't help, but really the rats pre-date my dad buying this place. There are two absolutely fucking gigantic ficus that fruit with tiny berry-like figs for most of the year, and the trees are like rodent high-rises.

I took out as many of the lower branches as I could get to with a handsaw years ago, but removing them entirely would cost most of what I make in a year. I had a breakdown the last time I set and had to empty/throw away traps, and I want to throw up just thinking about using poison, especially accidentally poisoning my or someone else's cat, or a hawk or owl.

I just hope my neighbors don't succeed in forcing me to sell my house. It might be old and dilapidated, but the only thing that kept me (sort of) sane while dealing with my crazy parents was the thought that if I survived their self-destruction, I could just molder away quietly in this house until I died of old age, without having to deal with screaming and emergencies and awful shit all the time. Both my parents wanted to sell it for drug/booze money, and I spent my twenties and early thirties terrified of ending up homeless. I know I'm lucky to own a house at all, especially since I'm a mentally fucked-up mess, but I think I would follow in my parents' footsteps and kill myself if I lost this place.

Sheet-metal rat guards around the tree trunks might work to keep the rats out of the trees. You might also consider getting a couple of quotes from exterminators. They're definitely cheaper than tree removal.

I know you think you would follow in your parents footprints I'd you lost it, but to be honest you sound as if you already have a lot of negative emotions tied up with it.

I'Ve been depressed and caught in an impossible situation like that before, although for me it was a job where I was being bullied. I convinced myself that the only thing to do was keep trying to win and that i'd somehow find a way through and that I'd I lost my job I would kill myself. I did lose the job in the end when I had a nervous breakdown. And do you know, it was AMAZING. The psychological freedom of not having to deal with that shit was so good.

Now a job is not the same as a home. But what you're saying is pinging a lot of things for me emotionally. I might be entirely wrong but... are you sure it's the healthiest place for you to be?

Also, it's not your house making you stronger than your parents, it's you. You are not them and you have chosen a different path.

The fuck is it going to take to finish this fic, self? It is literally the epilogue. There is no excuse for this. Why has the momentum died? It's just a conclusion. You can conclude. You have done it at least 40-50 times before. It is not that hard.

And on that topic, why is it so hard for you to fill in gaps for this new story? You pumped out so damn much of it already within a span of a month. You had 20 years to even think about this fic. Well, okay, a year, since 19 of those years you pretty much forgot the idea existed. But goddamnit, just progress on SOMETHING. Won't even get into that story you started 12 years ago and got 30 chapters into.

Also, why can't I read and see this was random annoyance and not fandom annoyance? Fuck these long days.

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