[ SECRET POST #4983 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4983 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 07 secrets from Secret Submission Post #713.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

Oh, definitely. I consider those things to fall under the negative impact I mentioned. I've known so many middle aged men who basically cannot survive on their own because their wives do everything for them, and whether it's codependent is kind of irrelevant to me because I think of it as just...failing at the basics of being an adult. But like, a situation like that where, say, his wife dies, and he's a mess because he just took for granted that she'd always be there and do all those things for him, and he'd never have to learn, a lot of people would look at the situation and say "awww, poor guy, he's lost without her, it's so sad". And I'm not by any means trying to defend that "oh, it's so romantic" mindset because to be completely honest, I think it's kind of pathetic, I'm just saying a lot of people think that way.

I guess my objection is that there's not any cut and dry consensus on what constitutes "codependent" and a lot of the time it seems to be based on not understanding something. As a random example, there's a family friend who lives with her mom. They're both entirely capable of being self-sufficient adults and living alone (and did for several years) but the daughter lost her job and got one making much less money, and the mom admitted that she was a bit lonely in the house by herself since her husband had died a few years before, so it made sense for the daughter to move in with her mom. There are several people I know who've called them "codependent" for seemingly no reason other than that an adult living with a parent is seen as "weird" here, even though they're both more than capable of taking care of themselves and I personally wouldn't consider them "codependent" any more than random roommates. (They get along well, and seem to enjoy living together, but very clearly have their own lives.)