fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #713 ]

[ SECRET POST #713 ]

⌈ Secret Post #713 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

101.

[X/1999]

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102.

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103.

[NEWS, Koyama]

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104.

[Ojiichan wa Shounen Tantei]

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105. [repeat]

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106.

[Stephen King's IT]

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107. [repeat]

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108. [repeat]

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109. [repeat]

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110.

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111.

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112.

[LJ, Fanfiction.net, y!gallery, devart]

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113.

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114.

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115.

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116.

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117.

[FFXII]

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118.

[Goof Troop]

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119.

[Toradora!]

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120.

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121.

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122.

[Heroes/The 4400]

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123.

[The Submarines]

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124.

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125.

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126.

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127.

[Merlin]

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128.

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129.

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130.

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131.

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132.

[jesse lacey (brand new); chris conley (saves the day); andrew mcmahon (jack's mannequin/something corporate); max bemis (say/anything); anthony green (circa survive); craig owens (chiodos/cinematic sunrise)]

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133.

[father of the pride]

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134.

[Kuroshitsuji]

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135.

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136.

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137.

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138.

[Katekyo Hitman Reborn, Dr Who, Pirates of the Caribbean]

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139.

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140.

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141.

[Schindler's List]

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142.

[Metal Gear Solid]

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143.

[Prince of Tennis]

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144.

[John Oliver]

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145.

[Crossing Jordan]

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146.

[madeline]

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147.

[Gunnerkrigg Court]

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148.

[FFVII Crisis Core]

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149.

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150.

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151.

[Dr Who]

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152.

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153.

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154. [repeat]

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155.

[Emberverse]

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156.

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157.

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158.

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159.

[It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia]

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160.

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161.

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162.

[Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory]

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163.

[World of Warcraft]

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164.

[Hey Arnold]

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165.

[Kamen Rider Kiva / Dexter]

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166.

[Monk]

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167.

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168.

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169.

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170.

[Meat Loaf]

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171.

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172.

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173.

[Video Girl Ai]

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174.

[Ferris Bueller's Day Off]

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175.

[Voice actors (Chris Patton, Crispin Freeman, Yuri Lowenthal, Johnny Yong Bosch, Jeff Nimoy, Travis Willingham, Quinton Flynn, Kyle Hebert, Jamie McGonnigal)]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 078 secrets from Secret Submission Post #102.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 3 4 5 6 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 - too big ], [ 1 2 3 4 5 - repeat ], [ 1 2 - take it to comments ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Bisexuality is real, but...I think if you only are interested in people of the same sex that you know you are never going to meet, that don't exist, &c, IT DOESN'T COUNT.

If you're only wanting to do the opposite sex and some celebrity you'll never meet, imnsho you're straight until proven otherwise...by having an actual sexual attraction to a person of the same sex you actually know.

Celebrities are human beings, too. Since when do they not count? O.o

...how about because if you will only go gay for Hayden Panettiere, you are unlikely to be put in a position where you need to actually do anything gay? All the "cool" of being bisexual, without ever having to lose a shred of heterosexual privilege or actually eat pussy. IDK, I am suspect of people saying they're bi but only for celebrities, it reminds me of the way people who don't want to admit they're gay develop huge crushes on persons of the opposite sex they'll never meet--only instead of doing it as protective colouration they're doing it because fangirls think it's cooler if you can claim to be even a little queer.

...how about because if you will only go gay for Hayden Panettiere, you are unlikely to be put in a position where you need to actually do anything gay? All the "cool" of being bisexual, without ever having to lose a shred of heterosexual privilege or actually eat pussy.

If you're only saying "I'll go gay for so-and-so" but at the end of the day, you never would even if you DID meet them, then you wouldn't go gay for them period. Those are people just trying to get attention in that case, but for people who actually do mean it, then I would say they have bisexual inclinations.

There are a bunch of explanations for why someone might say that, and not all of them mean they are bisexual. I totally agree on that.

EXACTLY. A lot of these secrets are "I consider myself totally straight but I'd so hit that." I wonder if the person even knows what they would do in that situation.

Sometimes it's just a fantasy.

There are three kinds of sex fantasies:

1) the ones that are genuinely about something that you really want to do;

2) the ones that are hot and morally okay, but not something you really want to do;

3) the ones that are about something that would actually be disgusting or otherwise untenable that you don't really want to do, but get off thinking about sometimes.

A fantasy about a person of a different sex than you normally date can be either 1 or 2 and I do know people who thought they wanted to try it the other way only to find that they didn't actually like it when they did.

Agreed 100%.

My issue with secret 139 is that I suspect a lot of people who say "I'd go gay for [whoever]" don't for sure know if they would definitely go for it given the chance. They might change their mind. Or they might decide they wanted to make out but not to actually fuck. Or they might fuck and think "That was fine, but I don't think I want to do it again."

I usually take "I'd go gay for..." secrets with a pinch of salt. I certainly don't think you can determine someone's sexuality from them, which is what 139 OP was trying to do when they said that people who make those secrets should just admit to being bisexual. Maybe some of them should, but I hardly think it's a hard and fast rule.

True, true. I think it's possible for some of them, but not for all of them.

Some people DO GO for people that don't exist, i.e. they would do Chakotay in Star Trek Voyager, but wouldn't touch Robert Beltran with a ten-foot pole (because the guy's an asshole)

Yeah, but that's about personality. Which has nothing to do with the person being a celebrity, it just proves what sort of personality you find attractive.

So... if you die a virgin you had no sexuality? If you never date, you have no sexuality?

Sexuality is not just about who is attainable to you or who you decide to pursue. It's part of who you are--your physical and mental self.

Only you really know if you have sexuality or not, but I'm suspicious of totally happily married or cohabiting people who've never actually dated the same sex, never wanted to date the same sex, but claim to be bisexual because they have had an erotic dream about a movie star. You have a point, but so do I. There's room in this world for "questioning" and "straight but not narrow", and a lot of people who say "if you have EVAR EVER EVAR had a fantasy about a member of the same sex or dated or kissed someone, even if you decided it wasn't for you, YOU ARE BISEXUAL," are the same people who go around obnoxiously insisting that EVERYONE IS RILLY BISEXUAL (these people usually also insist that everyone's poly) when the fact is, most people prefer one or the other, some people are more flexible than others and what people do when in a restricted environment (all girl school, prison) sometimes turns out to be not representative of "who they are" but rather, something they did because of where and when they were that they will never do again and may not have liked that much.

I'm all for people who are sure that they're gay or bi saying so before they have sex.

But I'm also suspicious of claims of bisexuality based on "I had a dream about Hayden Panettiere". It's like saying you're a transsexual because you cross-dressed once and decided you liked it. It takes most people a while to figure this shit out and yes, I do take "I have a crush on my best friend" as a more serious indicator than "I had a dream about Hayden Panettiere."

First of all, I find it hilarious that you think girls schools are lesbian gold mines. I went to one, and believe me, I would have loved it if that were true. If anything, the girls there were more likely to be uncomfortable with the idea of same-sex relationships.

Second, a sexual dream is a far cry from consistant and strong desire. I'd certainly be suspicious of that first example you gave, but your original post was much more general than this reply so I was responding to your original point which could have been worded better.

insisting that EVERYONE IS RILLY BISEXUAL (these people usually also insist that everyone's poly) when the fact is, most people prefer one or the other

Bisexual doesn't mean equally attracted to both sexes, it just means attracted to both sexes. I tend to think that most people are bisexual, but with a strong preference one way or the other. In my book, 90/10 bisexual is still bisexual. It drives me nuts when people act like bi isn't an option, you have to be 100% straight or 100% gay, but saying you can only be bisexual if you're completely 50/50 is just as irritating.

And in fact that is NOT what I am saying. I am not saying that everyone has to be 50/50 to be bisexual, but the fact is, it's not usually a matter of percentages. Someone who has very occasional same sex attractions that they never act on, particularly if it's only on people that they know they will never meet, is justified in saying that they're straight and have a fantasy instead of saying they're bisexual, and it's bloody OBNOXIOUS when bisexuals insist that people who are not 100% one way or the other must always define themselves as bi. People at the more extreme ends of the scale have every right to define themselves by the way they see themselves and the way they actually live, and it's not your business.

Has it ever occurred to you that defining yourself as bisexual when you really are straight or gay for all practical purposes in life can cause all kinds of problems? And I don't mean oppression omg I might get fired for being queer I don't want to face prejudice problems. I mean losing friends because you led them to believe that you might be a possibility for something more only you don't really want that, or even acting on it and being really disappointed because the attraction wasn't enough to make for satisfying sex but the other person thinks you should do it again type problems.

Word. I'm definitely attracted to guys, but occasionally I think I may be a kinsey one, because I sometimes get girl crushes on people. I'm not going to label myself bisexual until I've had a chance to test whether I'd actually want to be in a relationship with a girl or not IRL though. Personally, I think it's more offensive to go around calling yourself bisexual because you sometimes think girls are pretty, when you have no intention of ever having a relationship with one, than it is to do what I do when asked, and respond "probably straight, but I'm not certain" or "confused" depending on my feelings at the time.

Yes, what's wrong with "Questioning"?

Personally, I think it's more offensive to go around calling yourself bisexual because you sometimes think girls are pretty, when you have no intention of ever having a relationship with one

I guess it's a matter of whether you're using your identified sexuality as a statement about yourself or as an indicator of your availability to others. If a girl's hitting on you and you definitely have no interest, yeah, saying that you're probably straight but not 100% sure is better than saying you're bisexual and getting her hopes up. And there's nothing wrong with being uncertain. It just bothers me when people act like being bisexual with a strong preference one way or the other isn't an option, because it very much is.

You could always define your sexuality by the Klein grid rather than limiting yourself to the Kinsey scale, and call yourself a zero in practise, but a two or a three in terms of fantasy.

Personally I would consider anyone who's a 2-4 on the Kinsey scale to be bisexual, but if someone was a 1 or a 5, them referring to themselves as 'mostly heterosexual' or 'mostly homosexual' would not bother me any more than them choosing to call themselves bisexual.

And I do think there is a certain amount of "poseur" bisexuality which goes on because non-straight orientations have developed a degree of "cool" in some areas, and claiming to be bisexual when you're not allows people access to that cool without ever having to go through with actually having sex with someone of the same sex, and without them having to forgo relationships with people of the same sex. And to me that seems a whole lot more potentially damaging to how people view bisexuality as a whole than someone identifying as "almost exclusively straight with a couple of exceptions".

Also, I don't think "I only like to sleep with people of the opposite sex, but I like to make out with and fantasize about people of the same sex" is outside the realms of possible human sexuality. I just feel defining 'heterosexual' or 'homosexual' with absolutely no flexibility is limiting to some people for whom 'bisexual' may feel inaccurate or misleading as a label. Being flexible or creative about labelling in the fuzzy areas around the edges makes a whole lot of sense to me. Saying "if you are not 100% devoted to one sex only and if you have ever so much as pondered the possibility of the other sex, then you are bisexual" just makes the word 'bisexual' nigh meaningless as far as I'm concerned.

"If you're only wanting to do the opposite sex and some celebrity you'll never meet, imnsho you're straight until proven otherwise...by having an actual sexual attraction to a person of the same sex you actually know."

Um, no. You couldn't be more wrong. This entire "OMG STR8 UNTIL PROVEN GH3Y!!11" thing is retarded beyond reason.

Straight until proven otherwise is completely stupid when applied to fictional characters and public figures, where all we have is a limited amount of information. But I'm not going to believe that someone should now begin to identify as bisexual at all times in their daily life because they once looked at a TV star and said to themselves, "I'd hit it." Come on.

I agree with that last bit, but if someone often finds themselves attracted to a celeb of the same sex...it's not that much different than being attracted to someone of the same sex "irl", or rather to someone you know. As someone else already said, celebs are real people, too. :V

The issue is not that celebrities aren't actual human beings; the issue is that they're such "safe" crush/fantasy objects.

I actually turned out to be a Kinsey .5 or 1 as an adult, but as a young teenager when I thought most of the girls and women I knew were prettier and more interesting to talk to and less threatening than most of the men and boys I knew, and really didn't want to think of myself as a lesbian, I suddenly developed this amazing huge crush on...Harrison Ford. Who no 14 year old in 1978 was in any danger of meeting or having to date. I have also watched people who felt left out of all the queer fun because they were basically straight develop amazing huge crushes on same-sex celebs...but no matter who, of the same sex, actually hits on them, they're never interested.

There are many bisexuals in the world, but there are also people who for all I know may really be bisexual in their secret thoughts and dreams but you sure can't tell it from their behaviour--and I don't mean people in committed relationships who don't want to cheat, or people who just don't date a lot--I mean people who consistently take opportunities to date people of one sex, but not the other. And I don't think it is out of line to evaluate what people say about themselves against their behaviour. I would never be so rude as to SAY to someone, "I don't think you're really bi, I think you're faking it." But if I'm trying to decide for myself whether I am interested in going out with someone...privately, for my own self, I'm going to compare their behaviour and their words and consider what the possible reasons for a discrepancy might be. Because I married a "bisexual" man once, who wasn't, and we are still friends, but we had a rough few years.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #713 ]

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