fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5208 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5208 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Shoot 'Em Up (resized)]

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04.

[Banana Fish]

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05. [SPOILERS for Kids Baking Championship]

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06. [SPOILERS for Big Little Lies S2]
[WARNING for discussion of rape]

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07. [WARNING for discussion of suicide]

[ID: Invaded]

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08. [WARNING for discussion of rape]

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09. [WARNING for discussion of noncon (probably?)]
https://i.imgur.com/qhjWFCS.png
[image linked for above warning]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #745.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

AYRT: Of course, but as demonstrated above, people will play semantic and gatekeepy "but was it really rape" games about that as well. It took me years to recognize that my sexual trauma for putting out in order to appease a partner who was acting in abusive and manipulative ways was something I could discuss with therapists. Since early integration is a big factor in preventing traumatic events from becoming mental illness, that turned out to be a big problem. And people still argue at me over definitions.

Abusive people are very good at manipulating value systems in order to get people to give them what they want. So we need space for people to say "I consented but it still hurt me."

f!s has been having a long-running argument about about age-gap relationships involving teens in which the "technicalities" of whether teens can consent get foregrounded and the traumatic experiences of people affected by abuse, grooming, and manipulation are backgrounded.

And like, how the fuck am I supposed to clearly remember what forms of consent I communicated in the middle of a fight/flight/freeze/fawn episode? (That last bit is important, given growing evidence that appeasement is one of the variety of threat responses.)

To spell it out plainly, my abusive partners are legally innocent according to the letter of the law. They are unprosecutable according to the practices of a legal system that only handles the most extreme and clear cases of relationship abuse. I can still consider those partners ethically responsible for their sexual conduct and relationship behavior. And I can seek medical intervention for post-traumatic stress symptoms that remain years after the fact.

Moving forward with partners, I want more than consent, I want a shared ethical duty of care. Interestingly enough, it's close to how kink communities talk about ideally planning sex. (Although one of my abusive persons was a part of kink communities, so people fall short of the ideal there.)

SA: If a sexual experience provokes intrusive negative memories and feelings of depression, rage, disgust, disassociation, anxiety, etc., etc., then it's highly likely that some boundary was crossed and talking to a counselor to sort things out might be helpful.

I'm the other anon who replied. Yeah I got you now, and agree.

Thank you.

[ SECRET POST #5208 ]

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