fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5238 ]

[ SECRET POST #5238 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5238 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I know this is too late for anyone to really see it but there you go.

I'm one of the anons with chronic health issues. It's eroded away at my friendships until a small core group has been left. I'm clinging on to those friendships with bloodied fingernails though.

My health has gotten worse this last year and as a result my friends have been getting a little distant. Now they're having a get together. I'm invited, but they're also inviting another friend of mine. But they didn't ask me to invite her, one of my other friends who has like no connection to her is going to do it... As far as I'm aware they don't know each other that well except through me. (Her and one of this other group were both my bridesmaids.)

It seems like such a weird move? And for some reason I get a very very strong impression of them trying to build the friendship group but closing me out.

I knew it was coming. I'm terrible with people anyway. It just hurts so damned much.

Hey, anon. I'm sending you a hug over the web. I'm in a similar condition, and it's a shitty situation but you're not alone.

Try to hang in there, and focus on your health for sure.

I'm sorry, anon. I hope it gets better. Do they at least know that you're struggling? I assume they know of the health issues, but the part about how it complicates things for you?

I'm hoping things aren't what they might seem, but I'm also not in your shoes. Not sure what to say, except I know how much it sucks to feel like you're being shut out of a group.

Maybe they're inviting your other friend *because* she's your friend, and they thought it might be nice for you two to see each other as well as the rest of the group?

Or maybe they just thought she was interesting when they met her and want to get to know her better, and it's not actually about you?

Anon, I understand feeling isolated due to chronic health issues, especially after everything the last year threw at pretty much everyone on the planet.

But you said it yourself - your friend group met this other friend at your wedding, and one of them was in your bridal party with her. That is a connection. It's entirely possible they hit it off with her then. Insisting they should go through you instead of interacting normally with a person they met and apparently liked just because you were the original point of contact is inappropriate and possessive. Assuming their not doing so is a sign that they're edging you out when you're also invited to the event they're inviting her to is verging on paranoid.

You need to take a big step back and start extending some good faith towards your friends, or you're going to alienate all of them.

I don't know why I bothered posting this here. I guess at least it was late and I didn't have even more people telling me that my sum up of a social situation they are not personally party to is wrong.

I guess it's not as bad as the thread I posted asking for advice about morning sickness years ago where everyone told me to just get an abortion. Guess everyone would be glad to know I lost the baby and my job in the end.

Really I should have just ended things then. I guess now is just as good a time to do so.

Ah, I see. You're a troll.

I'm sorry that you feel that way and it sounds like a very frustrating situation. It sounds awful. I hate that kind of friendship anxiety.

At the same time I think that anon does have a point here - it's not necessarily the case that your friends are actually doing this to cut you out of the picture. But that doesn't make dealing with it easier.

This. If they were trying to cut anon out, they would just... not invite her? I would see this as either they enjoyed what time they spent with Other Friend and want to get to know her better, or they know anon's core group seems to be shrinking and want to not have her choose between get togethers with OF and them, when she can see both together.

It sounds like you were hoping for a certain type of reply. Unfortunately, you can't control replies, much like you can't control who your friends are friends with. And just because they are friends with each other doesn't automatically mean you are no longer a friend to them.

I guess it doesn't matter if I say I understand that's a bitter pill to swallow. My reply doesn't validate your single view that your friends are horrible for closing you out of the group, while invalidating all other interpretations. Note that I didn't say that isn't what is going on, just that, based on the info you have given us, it's possible something else is going on.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #5238 ]

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