[ SECRET POST #5348 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5348 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


01.
[Dhux's Scar]



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02.


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03.



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04. [SPOILERS for The Green Knight]




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05. [SPOILERS for Song of Farca]




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06. [WARNING for incest/underage ship]

[Enola Holmes]



























Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #765.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Morning rant don't mind me

[(Anonymous)]

Get fucking therapy. I say this as someone with similar problems, go get some goddamn therapy already. Your entire bullshit saga feels largely self-imposed because you refuse to get help and keep at it.

Re: Morning rant don't mind me

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT--I've tried. I went for an intake/screening appointment with my healthcare provider (an HMO) a couple years ago, and was told because I'm not in crisis (not suicidal, self-harming, addicted to or even using drugs or alcohol, have a job and house, etc) the wait time was one month to even make an in-person appointment in three months.

I called the day and time the next appointments opened up and was told to try again next month because all appointments were booked. Repeated the process two months in a row before giving up.

This was before COVID. I have a coworker whose husband is a therapist with them and she says he said the problem is worse now because so many people are in crisis mode rn, even having moved so many appointments to telehealth.

I don't want to knock their system because from going with or talking to people I know who have reached crisis, they go all out to help them. They still make mistakes, but if you've fallen in an alligator pit they'll haul you out and treat you even if you fling yourself in every day.

I went to a half dozen group therapy sessions through them as a kid and another dozen or so more recently, but while mindfulness and deep breathing and talking with the other patients are nice enough, they really only help me with panic attack symptoms, and I don't have them more than once every few months; less in recent years. And the closest are a two hour bus ride each way. I thought COVID would give me more diverse online options, but not so far.

I may try again to get screened for autism/ADHD/etc, but given my family history (all but two are dead from addiction, suicide, or both) the doctors I spoke to said there weren't a lot of safe options for ADHD or anxiety meds for me, and therapy would still be scarce. I've been depressed before, but I'm not currently, so SSRI's and similar won't be much use.

I mean, I'm glad people who are actively suicidal/in withdrawal/being abused/etc can get fast, frequent, generous treatment, and I'm glad to be none of those things. But when I was in crisis mode to survive (dad) or try to help manage (mom) my parents' crises, I didn't really have time. One time the addiction and crisis management people really fucked up and my mom almost died on their watch, and in the ensuing anthill frenzy with like fifteen people piling out of the building to deal with her and meet the paramedics, a group of therapists stopped to tell me I should stop in myself for therapy.

I laughed; it was tax day and I'd been on my way to meet mom's tax guys after dropping her things off at the hospital, and then I had class and work. I used to fall asleep on the trolley and wake up at the end of the line a lot.

I called two weeks after my mom died two years later, but again, not at immediate risk to myself or others.

I have more time now, but despite my kvetching here I'm not at imminent risk of death or self-destruction. I just started working close enough to home to add more mess-mitigation time back into my daily schedule, and the last two weeks of vacuuming, scrubbing, and throwing stuff out gave me a head start.

I've spent the last four+ years figuring out what a life not in crisis mode looks like, learning healthier coping mechanisms, and digging myself out from under a family history straight out of Jerry Springer.

My starting point was so much lower that even my current issues are a victory over my past self and circumstances. Just because I complain because there's tons left to do doesn't mean I haven't been making an effort or seeing progress.

Telling me to get therapy is, well, tell me something I don't know? At this point I think my best hope is getting screened for something there's meds for and hoping the meds don't make me go totally off the rails.

different anon

[(Anonymous)]

Hi, randomly saw this thread. I don't know you but I just wanna say that anon's reply was a bit rude, but from this reply, do you think it's possible you're downplaying your mental health issues? Especially on intake lines. Again, I don't know your situation, but a lot of therapy taught me that this was the case for me. The only time I've ever texted my therapist outside an appointment he immediately knew I was actively suicidal because "I don't ask for help" so it must've been serious. Please don't let it get to that point.

I am guilty of doing this as are most people who have been raised in a "caretaking" role (especially taking care of their own parents). It's really, really difficult to admit when you need help because you're so used to comparing your problems to other people's problems, and saying "well I'm not doing that bad. I can manage." Which yeah, maybe you can, but people in better states than you are asking for help every day and the difference is they actually get it.

I don't really know what motivated me to type all of this to you. I'm just asking you to consider it. The possibility that you are depressed is a real one, whether you think you are "depressed enough" or not. If you find yourself calling a therapist's office any time in the future, please be mindful that you are deserving of help. You spend time advocating for other people so you know how to do it - great. Do that for yourself. There is always going to be someone in the world suffering worse than you are. That is no reason to continue suffering alone.

Re: different anon

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT--thanks for replying and being polite about it. I could be downplaying stuff? Idk.

I've tried listing off the specific things I need to get better at/need help with that make me anxious, but they're not on the intake questionnaires (hoarding, cleaning/organizing, and opening and dealing with physical mail.) I mentioned all three (and family stuff, anxiety, and possible autism/ADHD) to the doctor during the intake appointment. And I was definitely depressed at the time!

I get a bad depression day or two every month along with migraines thanks to PMS, but other than that I'm way better now. I do want to try and get an appointment/get screened for stuff. I just get frustrated and discouraged easily because the appointments themselves are work, and I hate having to jump through hoops for months even to get one in the first place.

I wish the first real therapy session was guaranteed once I made it through the screening, instead of being a separate process. The group sessions work like that--you get a referral and go.