[ SECRET POST #5414 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5414 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 27 secrets from Secret Submission Post #775.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

05. https://i.imgur.com/3JkFrEZ.png

[(Anonymous)]

I’m with you, OP. I get that it’s meant to be nice, but the last thing I need is a reminder that people might be paying that much attention to how much or what I eat. I’ve spent plenty of time trying to convince myself that other people don’t care or notice as much as I fear they do.

[(Anonymous)]

That's one of those trends to me that suggests the authors have acquired all their knowledge of other humans from media and fic. Ugggh.

[(Anonymous)]

My wife has an eating disorder. If I didn't keep track of when she eats, she'd starve herself and lie to me that she's eaten because she's that in the grip of her disorder.

[(Anonymous)]

That's sad to hear, but I don't think this secret is about fics where characters support other characters through eating disorders.

If someone demonstrated their affection for me by doing this, unprompted and unasked for, I'd feel angry and frustrated, not loved.

[(Anonymous)]

In all kindness, I hope you are doing this in consult with a therapist. Because I understand why you are doing what you are doing, but as someone who is a recovering anorexic/Bulemic, if I had a partner doing this to me, I'd end up just going underground with my ED more. A lot of ED is about control, and having someone trying to control/track what I eat, especially a loved one, would feel like just part of the abuse cycle im subjecting myself to.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, that sounds... disturbing. I rather like the whole food as a way to nurture people and I can understand why a huge subset of fandom would be into making sure that someone has eaten/hydrated as a way to look after them, but keeping track of everything they eat and what they ate feels kind of creepy and obsessive.

[(Anonymous)]

I guess it's kind of comforting way to show love to make sure that your friend or romantic interest isn't hungry or denying themself food, but I find that I write a lot of meals into fic because I'm sometimes kinda hungry when I'm writing, sorry.

[(Anonymous)]

As someone who is in recovery for an ED (always in recovery!) that sounds so fucking triggering.

[(Anonymous)]

Sometimes I read a secret and am like, oh shit, I am 100% part of the problem, I understand why this thing you hate is hate-able, but I have no inclination to stop being part of the problem whatsoever.

In one of my fandoms, everyone seems to have just,,, decided that the MC is really good at cooking and I'm INTO it. Something about the upending of stereotypical gender roles in the most popular F/M ship, the way that this VERY EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED character is portrayed as showing love through cooking his family's favorite meals, the competency... Sometimes it goes a little too far in the direction of your secret for my taste, but I have a feeling that I have a WAY higher tolerance for it than you do lmao

[(Anonymous)]

I've never seen the trope OP is describing (though there are several canon cooks who show affection through their cooking in my top fandoms) but I feel like there's a difference between just cooking for their family/found family/SO and straight up policing their eating by paying attention to how much and how often. If it's as bad as OP describes, that's absolutely awful and I want no part of it. But just taking pleasure in cooking and in the people you cook for enjoying the meals you present is pretty normal all around.

[(Anonymous)]

OP here, cooking/providing food is kind and caring.

Stopping a conversation to demand someone drinks a glass of water (not because they're showing signs of dehydration, just because hydration is important in general) makes me cringe and feel bad.

But also? You're allowed to write anything you want even if one stranger doesn't like it. I'll back button and complain anonymously like a f!s alumni should.

[iff_and_xor]

+1 to all of this

"You're allowed to write anything you want even if one stranger doesn't like it. I'll back button and complain anonymously like a f!s alumni should." is particularly good.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Yes, that sounds extremely quotable. As someone who back buttons often, I can relate.

[tabaqui]

Really? Wow. Right there with you, OP: other than noticing someone is not eating and looking really physically pale/drawn and or getting dizzy, lightheaded, etc.....

Why on earth would you police someone's eating habits unless you had a *really* good reason to do it? Yucko.

[(Anonymous)]

I get how it can be weird and/or anxiety inducing. It’s not really a new cultural trope though, unless you’re from North America. Food is a big deal in a lot of cultures, it’s how many of them show hospitality to guests or love to loved ones. Your Nonna bugs you about eating more because she wants you to stay healthy, your Babushka worries about looking like a poor host, etc.

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you secret maker!

So, I didn't read 50 Shades of Grey but I rewatched Folding Ideas videos on the movies and guess what Christian does! Maybe this is the start of the trope. Dosen't explain how often I see it irl, but whatever.

[meadowphoenix]

I feel like there's a cultural element to this. like it's pretty common for everyone to notice how much everyone has had in my family because there are manners and heritage points surrounding food. it's not necessarily going to feel overbearing to me because of that (though it might to people who have other issues with food). it really depends in fic when I like it, and when it feels overbearing.

[(Anonymous)]

I agree with this in general, though there are specific pairings and circumstances where it works for me. Like, in Johnlock fic, John would often tell Sherlock to eat, because Sherlock tended to neglect things like eating and sleeping on a regular basis. That usually worked for me, because the circumstances and the dynamic were right for it.

But the majority of the time, yes, I agree. I guess the exception, for me, is if a character is known for regularly neglecting themselves. Particularly if they're also the stronger personality of the two, and their friend who is trying to keep them from keeling over due to lack of sustenance is the milder personality.