fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5435 ]

[ SECRET POST #5435 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5435 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 25 secrets from Secret Submission Post #778.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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so earlier this year i stopped talking to my mother and she has reacted by basically pretending nothing happened and still cheerfully sending me emails. earlier this month she asked whether we wanted to celebrate christmas together since grandpa asked for her to visit but she'd prefer to celebrate with me of course. i told her no, obviously, but by this point i'm starting to feel insane. even her response to me saying no to christmas, for the literal first time in my life, just got a cheery response to enjoy my own party.

i don't want a fight, i don't want any contact at all. the only reason i replied was because i wanted there to be absolutely no misunderstandings, so i can have a clear conscience. but this is driving me nuts, she just refuses to acknowledge that something is wrong

If you do not want any contact at all, why have you not blocked her email along with her phone number and everything else?

because i knew she would show up at my place crying about how she thought i had killed myself. did your question have a purpose or were you under the impression those were really obscure measures the average person doesn't know about?

rude

They were really common measures that people who want no contact take, and you hadn't taken them then complained about it, is why I asked. /shrug

Taking my own advice and not checking this subthread any longer, because you're kind of a dick.

nayrt

To be fair, replying to a vent with "well, why didn't you do x" will kind of piss off the venter. It's a little victim-blamey.

Nayrt but you'd be amazed at how many people don't know how to block calls/emails or don't even think of it as an option. I mean, there are people who use Facebook daily and don't realize that they can lock and filter posts.

Stop replying to her.

Basically.

Everytime you reply to her, you are reinforcing her belief that whatever the beef you two had is just something that is gonna blow over and that everything is fine. I've been there, and there is only one thing that can break her delusions and that is silence. Your conscience is a weapon she will use against you, if you let her.

I went through this when I came out to my mother and she reacted by being a complete bigoted ass while still pretending everything else was normal. The only communication that works is lack of communication.

i appreciate the thought but i'm not looking for advice, i was venting

This website has a "reply to this" option at the base of each comment, it is only natural for people to respond.

lol sorry i wasn't sufficiently grateful for you liking

If you really want your mom to leave you alone, spend more time with her. I’ve spent like 20 seconds interacting with you, and I think your mom’s some kind of masochist.

AYRT was being kind of rude to someone replying upthread, but you’re being 10x as rude here. AYRT even politely said they appreciated the thought, but they weren’t looking for advice, and you gave them passive-aggressive bullshit in response. And now this awful comment, wow. You’re way worse.

this is the part where on reddit it would be declared that ESH

Definitely lead with that next time, so you don't waste people's time and mental energy. F!S is a discussion forum, so when you post, the default is that you are inviting replies.

NAYRT

But while this is a discussion forum in general, this is a vent thread, and the person venting should get a say in what kind of response they find helpful. If any. They were polite about not wanting advice(except for that one reply about blocking their mother), so it’s not like they didn’t know “the default is inviting replies”. They just didn’t want advice.

And “Definitely lead with that next time, so you don't waste people's time and mental energy.” Wow. That was so needlessly rude and frankly unnecessary. And it sounds like a you problem anyways. If your time and mental energy were wasted over reading this short vent and thread, then you have bigger issues to work out that don’t involve AYRT.

This is a largely anonymous, largely unmoderated forum. No one gets any say in what kind of advice they get or how they’re responded to. They can object, sure, but stomping your foot and saying that you only want *this* type of response or people are commenting wrong is the type of stupid, childish behavior that’s going to invite equally stupid and childish behavior in return.

But they weren’t stomping their foot. They said “i appreciate the thought but i'm not looking for advice, i was venting”. That was a pretty polite way of saying it, and saying that is as much their right as it is the right of people to use the reply feature. It’s the responses of “there’s a “reply to” option, so it’s only natural to expect a response” that was unnecessary, because they knew that, and were only stating that they just wanted to vent in the vent thread. And people only started to get needlessly ruder to them with “If you really want your mom to leave you alone, spend more time with her. I’ve spent like 20 seconds interacting with you, and I think your mom’s some kind of masochist.”, and that’s much more petty and foot stomping.

And saying that they wasted anyone’s time and mental energy by venting in the vent thread, and then daring to say they just wanted to vent and not really get any advice is also borderline foot stomping, honestly. Because while it’s anyone’s right to reply in this community, people should be allowed to say in the vent thread specifically whether they want advice or not. And them saying basically “This is appreciated, but I’m not looking for this type of response right now” as though they were throwing a tantrum and stomping their foot is a bit strange and unwarranted. They’ve shown that they can be rude and dismissive with their response to the anon who responded with “why don’t you just block your mother”(although I agree with another anon’s response that asking someone “why didn’t you just do this” in a vent thread is a bit victim-blamey, and likely to piss the venter off). So considering they’ve displayed actual rude behavior elsewhere in the thread, if they wanted to be rude when saying they didn’t want advice, they would have been. The passive-aggressive responses to this one comment are so weird, and the attempts at justifying them with the fact that anyone COULD respond in this comm are just semantics. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should, or that you’re immune from someone specifying whether the response is helpful or not.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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