[ SECRET POST #5446 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5446 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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10. [SPOILERS for Wheel of Time]



















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #779.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

OP here. I've been reading all these comments, and painplay and the associated kinks is definitely an area where lines can easily be crossed. But I thought I'd just chime in to say what I personally get out of it. For context, I usually dom, but I have been on and enjoyed both sides of the equation.

So for me personally, the best way I can describe the appeal is that it's less about the pain and more about the transgressive badassery. Like, in the moment, I am doing something that would normally be seen as bad or unappealing, but I'm so good at it and so fucking hot that this person who I am with is loving it. Like, on a practical level, there's obviously been a conversation beforehand and all that, but in the moment I feel like the most competent, boss-ass, in control person on the face of the earth. The closest equivalent I can even think of is being really, really good at a sport or something.

So yeah. Idk why I even wrote this and whether being someone who likes egotistical fantasies is any better, but it's worked out for me so far lmao

[(Anonymous)]

Like you said, this is the area where lines can easily be crossed. I can see scenarios in which your line of thinking would be ok, but imagine the same thought process happening in the head of a white dom calling their black sub the N-word, for example. Being driven by the desire to be so sexy that they can get away with it. I also don't much like it when male doms go straight for gender-specific humiliation games towards their female subs. I suppose the root of our disagreement is that BDSM is a term that encompasses a wide varieety of scenarios and practices, so we're all thinking about different types of play here in this thread. Pain by itself is not the issue, the circumstances and attitude surrounding it is, and I think that it's an important discussion to have and it's not unreasonable to question the person's motives for enjoying it, given all the risks involved in it. This goes both ways, in fact. I've talked with subs who admitted they have been in situations where they wished to use the safeword, but felt too indimidated by the dom to be comfortable using it, and this isn't how I'd ever want to be seen, or remembered. Intense vetting is not a bad strategy in the type of relationship, where any vagueness or uncertainty can later be framed as a borderline rape.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm white and personally would not be comfortable doing raceplay with a Black sub who wanted to be called that - but there are, in fact, people who want that as part of a cathartic scene. I can't give them what they want, but if they find someone willing, I don't get why that has to be so taboo it's off-limits as long as it's carefully negotiated. There are also women who want to roleplay gendered humiliation. Same way - thoroughly negotiated, of course. But I don't think the dom has to be filled with self-loathing over it if they do exactly what was requested of them.

(Personally I love stories where the dom is the one who gets overwhelmed and safewords out - there aren't enough of those!)

You're doing exactly what was being talked about - assuming that a dom who RPs abusive scenes is using BDSM as an excuse. But I think subthread OP was just talking about negotiated, fully consensual scenes where the dom's enjoyment is seen as something sketchy in itself.

[(Anonymous)]

Need to mention I'm a DA, not AYRT

[(Anonymous)]

I don't see how what you're saying relates to my original point. You're bringing up things like women or people of color who enjoy humiliation and raceplay, but they can enjoy them just as well with service tops. The act itself is not the topic of the dabete. The topic is: if a white person engages in raceplay, not for the sake of the POC they're with, but for their own sake and enjoyment, is it ok to suspect that this person may have sketchy morals.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

My point is that if the dom in a scene like that also enjoys what they're doing, that does not make them a bad person who's just looking for an excuse to do the bad thing, and would do it all the time out of scene if they could. Maybe they are, maybe they aren't, but the problem is in assuming they are. A good roleplay dom has to be a good actor. Sometimes actors get a kick out of playing really terrible villains and also learn things about themselves and their craft from it.

And in fiction, which is what we started talking about in the first place, I'd like to see more of that sort of POV because it's really compelling.