fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5559 ]

[ SECRET POST #5559 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5559 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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02.

[Adventure Time]

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03.

[Undertale]

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04.

[Black Widow]

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05.

[The Lost Tomb]

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06.

[Star Trek: Picard]

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07.

[The Mystic Nine]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 46 secrets from Secret Submission Post #796.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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01. https://i.imgur.com/4vF4NZN.png

Therapy.

Can you Americans tie your own shoelaces without therapy?
OP, the past is not a guarantee of the present. You can thank fandom for what it did for you in the past and still choose to turn to other pastimes.

Guys, is it American to address mental health issues with proper help?

I’m not sure why you’re assuming I’m American, because as far as I know, they can’t pay for health care without begging for money on the internet. But OP is clearly unwell if their secret is any indication.

Of course we can. Not me though. Not after The Shoelace Incident of 87...

Choose your pain worth struggling for:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eh9lXFvjhtc

sincere answer from a Real Addict (TM):

the same thing any addict has to do: limit yourself, wean yourself off, try to make sure your relationship with the "substance" (in this case, fandom) becomes healthier.

that said, i personally don't think there's anything wrong with a crutch. just try to remember that the point of one is to make things easier for you when you're hurting, but eventually that hurt is supposed to heal.

Been there. I got out through a combination of conscious choices to stop doing fandom things and accidentally getting distracted by other facets of life. It didn't always work out the way I wanted, but I've learned how my brain works and can engage in fandom without sending myself to my own personal hell 99% of the time.

Find yourself a red balloon - something as a distraction.

A group that goes hiking on the weekends, a craft group, French Movie Night... something with a low entrance threshold but with things to achieve (learning to knit, building the endurance to make a longer hike, whatever).

It's not really about whether something is inherently toxic, it's about having a life balance and having multiple things that give you joy. Fandom can be one of those things. It's good to have others.

Health, money and access can make all of that impossible for some people you know.

da

The number of people who are able to access fandom to an unhealthy degree but are absolutely and completely incapable of doing anything else as a distraction or way to diversify their interests is shockingly low.

Was gonna say, if they have the time and resources to get unhealthily invested in fandom, they shouldn't have any problem using that same time/resources towards something else.

No, actually, it's not. Chronic illness means I have the energy to sit on my phone wasting Mt life but pretty much nothing else. The illness I have is alarmingly common.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2022-03-27 20:17 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2022-03-27 22:12 (UTC) - Expand

They were examples, not the only possible options.

On-line jigsaw puzzle groups. Colouring books. Gardens. Breadbaking. Learning a language on Duolingo.

Jesus christ. Why is it that, whenever anyone in fandom tries giving even the most generic, innocuous advice, someone comes along and points out that ACTUALLY THIS ADVICE MAY BE COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE FOR SOME PEOPLE AND YOU'RE PROBABLY CLASSIST AND ABLIST FOR EVEN SUGGESTING THAT THINGS COULD EVER IMPROVE IN SOMEONE'S LIFE.

OP asked for advice. "Get interests outside of fandom" is good advice. If a specific activities or hobby is inappropriate for them because of their health or financial access to it, they should— get this— choose activities that are appropriate for them, based on their own knowledge of their life circumstances.

NAYRT - Yeah, I feel you on this one. I've been poor through periods of my life, and I still feel like there's something a bit toxically defeatist about AYRT's response. If the original anon had suggests a bunch of specific activities that were on the pricy side (Learn to ski! Take up welding! Take a university class in something that sounds cool!) that would be different, but they didn't. Is it more difficult to build hobbies and interests when you're poor? Absolutely! It's WAY harder, and there's nothing fair about that. But unfortunately, the injustice of it doesn't create an alternative path.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2022-03-27 06:24 (UTC) - Expand

Barista, checking the name on the paper cup: "Jennifer, your order is ready!"

This person, marching up to the counter: "Woooow, excuse me?! Not all of us here are Jennifer, you know!"

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2022-03-27 07:41 (UTC) - Expand

Thank you.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2022-03-27 18:12 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2022-03-27 18:30 (UTC) - Expand

+1

I'm a shut-in work from home introvert who's been trying to break my dependence on fandom. I've started meeting up with people through an app, tentatively getting involved with an activist group, running at a nearby park, and signing up for a musical instrument class at a community center. It's a work in progress but I think it's helping.

(FWIW, I'm doing my best to do things cheaply, since my current job doesn't pay much. I've been looking into free or cheap events/workshops/etc. offered by parks, libraries, and museums. Hell, I had a perfectly nice weekend window-shopping at vintage knick-knack stores with new friends - I didn't buy a single thing.)

I'm proud of you, bud.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2022-03-27 07:41 (UTC) - Expand

This is great and I hope OPntakes inspiration from it. I am.

This is solid advice!

Yes, sometimes you wouldn't even know there to start, or you don't have money or health or time. But some choice is always there. What is the most attractive for you in fandom? Is it writing, is it talking with people or is it having a group project? Try to build from your needs.

+1

Also, OP, it's okay to do step by step. Maybe it means starting out with just 10-15 mins each day or every other day doing something else. I'm very impatient with myself, so I can attest that it takes time and is frustrating, but we all have to start somewhere.

I get/got super into reading fics and when I was at a very low point in my life, I used fic to the point where I'd be late for work, skipping events and things I actually needed to do (you know, it was actually interfering with my life -- I guess like an addiction). But there came a breaking point for me and it had to do with addressing some of the issues that were presently causing me to WANT to escape what was happening. I'm still dealing with things, but I use fandom in a somewhat different way (most times). All this to say, is that it takes time; try to get involved with things outside of fandom (other interests, even just going outside a bit -- even if you're not in the best place financially, finding something maybe a local community center or a discord or Facebook group or whatever you may have available to you -- finding that and finding something new to do. Go to a park and go birding (sans binoculars if you don't have them)! That's interesting to you. Or if you still want a fandom link to it, something a character you like might enjoy or would think is cool that you're doing whatever works). And also (if it's possible) addressing the issue That's bothering you. This takes time and work, and maybe you're not ready to deal with it. That's okay. But definitely start by trying do something new, or different. It will take you out of your head/help build a new habit. Good luck, OP.

I hope your future fandom enjoyment can be free from the way you've treated it before. Your relationship with fandom can change for the better.

Thanks those that shared experience and advice. Lots to think about. Unfortunately severe chronic illness limits me in energy and money, but a few people mentioned activities that might be possible.

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