Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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fandomsecrets2022-10-05 07:55 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2022-10-05 07:55 pm
[ SECRET POST #5752 ]
⌈ Secret Post #5752 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 23 secrets from Secret Submission Post #823.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2022-10-06 01:46 am (UTC)(link)Like the whole point of labels in the realm of sexuality is to help describe the bare basics of what a person can identify as, especially since in the case of the western world for the longest time its been heterosexuality = normal, and if you don't experience sexual attraction at all or in the 'correct way' then "something is deeply wrong with you".
For instance a straight guy can be into a woman - but it doesn't mean he'll be into every woman ever in existence because of personal preferences. He might be more into romance than he's into sex, or into sex more than romance - maybe there's an even amount or all or nothing in either sections. He might find out later in life that new guy Dave from the gym is pretty attractive and perhaps he wasn't as straight as he originally thought or it was just a passing fancy and no big deal after all.
Not being sexually attracted to anyone doesn't mean you can't ever be attracted to anyone ever - such as being drawn to someones personality or thinking that they look nice. And of course there's people who don't want any of the above and don't want a relationship.
'Asexuality' just happens to cover a common ground, but isn't going to cover every individual's experience into one word. And nowadays with more language to terminology readily available online people can either go into detail with multiple of labels to describe every aspect of themselves, or can be happy with just the one word.
Also being asexual doesn't mean you can't have sex at all - physically there's anatomy and sometimes a libido there. While there are those who are sex repulsed, there are those who are not.
In my experience idgaf. Sex doesn't gross me out but I haven't been that eager for it either, but while in the past I've been in relationships where there wasn't any sex, I've also been with partners who I have had sex with since I didn't mind going along with it and liked the intimacy part of it.
Even thought there are people who can fit perfectly into their designated boxes without a fuss, there will always be people who won't or can potentially fit into more than one.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2022-10-06 02:17 am (UTC)(link)Wouldn't he be considered (by some definitions) to be maybe asexual or aromantic in a couple of those examples, not straight? I feel like there are sort of two different versions/definitions of sexuality, and in one of them a guy like your examples could count as straight, and in the other he wouldn't, but that's a whole different (long) subject.
Sex doesn't gross me out but I haven't been that eager for it either, but while in the past I've been in relationships where there wasn't any sex, I've also been with partners who I have had sex with since I didn't mind going along with it and liked the intimacy part of it.
No, I get all that. I know plenty of asexual people will have sex with their partners because the partner wants to and they don't mind, and I totally understand that. What I don't get is people that will they say that they LOVE sex themselves, independent of what any partners want, and that they would actually turn down a non-sexual relationship because they love sex so much, but they still claim to be asexual. It just doesn't make sense to me.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2022-10-06 02:54 am (UTC)(link)I will admit, that baffles me too.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2022-10-06 03:02 am (UTC)(link)I know when I was first looking into asexuality I saw terms like demiromantic and demisexual or graysexual for anyone looking for a more accurate definition - so maybe they'd fall under that category? Or maybe they don't want the headache of having to specify the pristine perfect definition of themselves down to the bone because sometimes you get to the fun part where there are no more words that describes you exact experience and maybe just saying asexuality is easier - or of course there's people going through their lives completely unaware of any terminology that could apply to them or simply don't care. With billions of people on this planet there's going to be a lot of different kinds of people.
And as for that last part - I mean *shrug* each to ones own? Sex can feel nice for people with the organs and working libidos so maybe they enjoy the sensations of sex? I guess the only person who could explain this view of why they're asexual would be the person you're talking about and their point of view because all I can do from this end is speculate.
I'm personally not that invested in who does or doesn't get to be in the alphabet soup. Unless I'm actually getting to know them personally how another person identifies isn't my business - hell I'm still getting my head around understanding what aromanticism is, but just because I don't understand it doesn't mean its not a real thing.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2022-10-06 03:06 am (UTC)(link)In my experience I didn't just have sex with my past partners because they wanted it - it did feel nice. The only thing I never understood was things like sexual fantasies or finding people sexually attractive; I suppose I like the feel of it and the hugs/kisses part along with it.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2022-10-06 07:39 am (UTC)(link)But if you met someone you really liked and would otherwise want a relationship with, and they didn't want sex, would that be a dealbreaker for you? I keep saying people who say it would be who also identify as asexual and that just doesn't make sense to me. (Sorry if you're also the person elsewhere in the thread who said that baffles them, it's hard to know when we're all anon!)
no subject
(Anonymous) 2022-10-06 07:36 am (UTC)(link)maybe there's an even amount or all or nothing in either sections.
But yeah, I get people not feeling the need to be super specific with labels.
Honestly, I guess it's the fault of whoever decided the "official" definition of asexuality because I feel like it's too muddled and confusing where the other labels are more clear-cut. I don't know, I've barely gotten any sleep in four days and am probably not making much sense lol.