[ SECRET POST #5752 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5752 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 23 secrets from Secret Submission Post #823.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

DA than the one you've been talking to

As someone who doesn't quite know whether they are demisexual or ace-ish with with a kink, I think I can get how people can identify as ace but say they love sex. Though I will qualify all of the below with saying that I don't participate in ace communities so don't know how much all of this is already existing talking points.

It's not unusual for me not to feel attracted to my partner in that to feel turned on at all I need to focus on my kink. But that doesn't mean I don't want regular(ish) sex with my partner, since it gets us both off and brings us closer together romantically.

So I could see how someone could identify as ace because they see sex as essential in their romantic relationships to fill their libido and romantic needs.

But I also get the general criticism of 'is this specifically something that needs a label or is this just another way human sexual relationships commonly work?'

And as someone who has come to think they are on the ace/demi spectrum, I think the answer to that is that it's hard for anyone to know whether their experience of sex and attraction is the same as someone else's. Like, what I experience is normal for me and I have a het romantic relationship that involves sex so I fit into society 'normal' on those levels as well, so most of the time I don't think about labels.

But other times I come across a description of sexual attraction and it just bewilders me by how alien it is, and that's when I go through the 'am I normal? Have I ever experienced true sexual attraction? Or am I just kinky?' thought process. But I find it's almost impossible to know whether my experience is truly abnormal (in that being on the ace-spectrum is a significant minority), as I sometimes I think there could be many people who are on the ace-spectrum but think of themselves as being sexual just with a low libido, or as someone who just doesn't enjoy sex all that much.

Which kind of brings me back to the original discussion point - that I think I understand how there could be asexual people who love sex.

But that doesn't mean ace people who feel alienated by sexual norms or are sex-repulsed shouldn't have their own communities either.

Sorry for the mini-ramble.

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

That all makes total sense, so thanks for your response!

I also get the general criticism of 'is this specifically something that needs a label or is this just another way human sexual relationships commonly work?'

I think that's the main thing I'm stuck on with trying to understand all this. I guess I feel like if someone loves sex and is in what society considers a "normal", sexual relationship, then what does it really matter whether or not they're "sexually attracted" (a term that I can never really find a concrete definition of anyway) to their partner? I never really thought of it the way you said it, but I think that's part of it...why does it necessarily need a label?

I sometimes I think there could be many people who are on the ace-spectrum but think of themselves as being sexual just with a low libido, or as someone who just doesn't enjoy sex all that much.

I sometimes wonder about that, too. I don't know, the more I think about it, the more I feel like maybe all the smaller/more-specific labels just make things more complicated. I do wish there was just a general label for "someone who is not interested in romantic and/or sexual relationships", though, because there doesn't seem to be one (since asexual and aromantic have the whole "attraction" definition attached) and why you're not interested seems kind of irrelevant to me, but I don't know, I feel like I'm in the minority on that.

[(Anonymous)]

I do wish there was just a general label for "someone who is not interested in romantic and/or sexual relationships", though, because there doesn't seem to be one (since asexual and aromantic have the whole "attraction" definition attached) and why you're not interested seems kind of irrelevant to me,

I think that's your problem, nonny. The why is VERY important. If you're not interested in a sexual relationship because of your medication, you're having a very different experience than someone who was born that way.

[(Anonymous)]

Late, but...

If you're not interested in a sexual relationship because of your medication, you're having a very different experience than someone who was born that way.

Maybe I'm missing something obvious, but I don't know that I agree. I personally (as someone who is pretty sure I'm aroace) feel like my experience is nothing at all like someone who identifies as ace but loves sex and is in a "normal" by society's standards relationship even if we might have the same label. Whereas I feel like I'm going to have more in common with someone who isn't interested in sex (even if it's because of medication) even if technically our disinterest is for different reasons. But maybe that's just me.

[(Anonymous)]

Demisexual/ace-ish anon from above

I agree, I think it could be useful to have a label of [not interested] for those who want it. It could then be attached to other labels, like asexual or sexual, for those who wish to do that, to make community forming easier.

Though I guess the word celibate exists, even if it is associated strongly with either religious abstinence or incels...

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

I know I'm late here, but yeah, I just feel like it could be useful. I'm not saying none of the other labels should exist or anything but I wish we had one for "not interested". And yeah, celibate exists, but I do feel like it has too many other connotations to really fit in situations where it's not for religious reasons. I thought of just thinking of some word and starting to use it but that would probably just confuse people lol.