[ SECRET POST #5788 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5788 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 12 secrets from Secret Submission Post #828.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Any ace people out here?

[(Anonymous)]

I've routinely gone back and forth on identifying myself as either ace or queer. I agree with the upthread comments that it's up to you on whether or not you think you are Ace. IMO the only right answer is what you feel is foe you. It's a lifelong journey, I hope you don't feel like you have to know your queerness levels in absolutes.

I never had strong attraction towards people outside of high school where I developed schoolgirl crushes on a couple guys. As an adult looking back, I think it was the idea of "all the girls/women in my life find a guy they like and work towards getting him to ask her out" so that I would find a guy I thought was cute and talked to me rather easily and convince myself, "I want this guy to like me enough to ask me out on a date." But you know, honestly, I never really cared deeply about them nor if they thought about me with romantic lenses. I think I just did what I thought was supposed to be what girls do.

After high school, I just....never wanted to date. When my friends would find dates/new partners all I got out of it was "I'm going to see less of this friend, and our time together is shared now with their partner."
I never thought, "I want a partner in my life." "Why does no one find me attractive?" "How come I can't get anyone to flirt with me?"

Like, I was never too bothered about "putting myself out there". When I ask myself if I want to date I generally think, "I'd rather do something else."

Sexual attraction to people IRL has never really been a thing. The closest I ever got was wondering what it would feel like to kiss a guy I had a crush on when I was 17.
But in recent years (last 2~ yrs), I've been able to push past some personal stuff (long story) and I'm able to watch people and find beauty in the human body. My thing with men was a fear of men and the patriarchy at large, women was shame from my own body/general shame of being a woman in a patriarchal world.
But it's very much controlled situations for me. Porn videos/movies, erotica novels/fanfics, audio erotica/porn, movies with a lot of romance and/or nudity. An actual human in the flesh with or without touch is way too intense and gross for me.

So I know there are still a lot of things I have to work on before I "know" if I'm Ace or a queer person working through their shit.

You're fine as you are, keep asking yourself questions and be as honest as possible. Not knowing is a part of the journey. Best wishes OP.

NAYRT

[(Anonymous)]

Oh... feels like I could've typed this. I am not as concerned about my "identity label" though, what really concerns me at this point in my life is how unpractical and inconvenient the single-ace-woman-past-30 life is. No one to share the bills with. No one to rely on a hospital night. No one to travel with. No one to share the chores with. No one to give me a car ride (my wettest dream).

Really I wouldn't "fight" for the ace identity. If I didn't feel strongly, I wouldn't be eager to use it because... yeah. It's not that good.