[ SECRET POST #6235 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6235 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 13 secrets from Secret Submission Post #891.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt that this isn't a thinly veiled bad faith "but what about the poor men??" but frankly, the fact that this is fs makes it challenging.

[(Anonymous)]

I mean, I think it's bad for women. It's fundamentally disempowering to internalize the message that any man who's attracted to you is likely to assault you, and it's also detrimental to the ability to separate signal from noise. It's harder to tell which flags are actually red if you're wearing red-tinted glasses.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, sounds like a totally serious problem.

[(Anonymous)]

What's with the dismissive attitude?

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, it is

[(Anonymous)]

Look, one of the arguments that patriarchal cultures make in order to justify the seclusion/control of women is that men are incapable of controlling themselves, and cannot be expected to control themselves, so a) it's the responsibility of women to behave in ways that don't "invite" the attentions of men; and b) the only way for women to be protected from the slavering hordes of strange men is for their male family members (who, by virtue of being family, are less likely to slaver) to stand guard over them. The idea that any man giving any indication of attraction is likely to assault a woman plays directly into this paradigm. It accepts the notion that men are by nature out of control, and that it's up to women to manage them.

So, yes, it is a serious problem. And it is absolutely fucking important that we stop treating men, implicitly or otherwise, like they're perpetual toddlers instead of recognizing that they're fully capable of behaving like adults. Acting as if they aren't is, in fact, patriarchy in action, because part of patriarchy is men being allowed to not be responsible for themselves.

[(Anonymous)]

Falling down the rabbit hole of radfem blogs and forums and victim to the "Every man wants to rape you" mentality wrecked my mental and physical health for months. I hid in the bathroom at work multiple times a day shaking and sobbing. I had panic attacks. I was exhausted whenever I wasn't doing the above. I'm grateful that there was enough good in my life to pull me away from that path before I damaged myself more.

I was assaulted years later, and it was horrible. It was also not in the top five worst things that happened to me in my life. Losing loved ones, losing my job, fucking up in college because of my own bad habits, and those months of being afraid of men were all worse.

Everyone's experience is different.

[(Anonymous)]

The conversation is finally starting to change in regards to this, in which men are finally being held accountable for their actions, particularly in regards to violence against women. One of the ways to do this, is to dismantle societal attitudes towards women needing to protect themselves and more men not harming women to begin with.
Whenever a woman is killed by a man the same (victim blaming) conversation does start (oddly enough often by other women). Saying "she shouldn't have been walking at night" is the equivalent to "she was wearing a short skirt".
In Australia, we've finally had (male) politicians start the conversation that the blame is 100% on the man when they do hurt/murder a woman. (I think it's important for men to start the conversation with other men about appropriate behaviour).
For me, feminism isn't about being afraid that every man who speaks to you is going to rape you, it's about dismantling the attitudes that allow men to believe this kind of behaviour is appropriate.