[ SECRET POST #6297 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6297 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 16 secrets from Secret Submission Post #900.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Who cares if she were to see you bashing her? That's part of life, and part of putting yourself out there. She has to figure out how to deal with people not liking her. It's not your responsibility to shield her from it.

[(Anonymous)]

No, but being purposefully mean in a public space where the person you're being mean about could see it is... well, mean. And maybe it's just a little bit less mean to try and avoid that.

Like, why are you so opposed to the concept of showing just the tiniest hint of compassion to your fellow human beings?

[(Anonymous)]

Let's ignore the idea of a community for a moment. In a purely transactional sense, what benefit do you get from being mean about the author in public? She's not going to suddenly start writing what you prefer - more likely she's going to write less or at least not publish it where you can see it.

[(Anonymous)]

Are you ok?

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT

I admit I'm really starting to not like this question online anymore. It reads more and more passive aggressive as time goes by.

[(Anonymous)]

It's supposed to be. It's meant to highlight in the simplest way possible that the commenter is being unhinged, without devoting more time than is worth it to an unhinged person on the internet.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

On the other hand, this intent hasn't been clearly communicated to mental health advocates. I think there needs to be some sort of agreement reached where pointing out unhinged behavior (which honestly should be done less frequently to avoid giving people undue attention) uses phrasing that is clearly separate from people actually wanting to provide support.

[(Anonymous)]

I care, actually. I care very deeply that someone who has never in her LIFE done anything to harm me and whose only 'crime' is writing fanfic with off characterization, does not lose her passion for writing or feel bad about herself because of me.

There is no end of people like you who are happy to 'teach people how to deal with not being liked'. She's an adult and I'm sure she's encountered many of them in her normal life-- if her experience growing up as the kind of person who gets so passionate about fandom that they have to write fic about it is anything like mine, she learned all about not being liked by the time she hit middle school. I am not interested in being unkind to her just because we have different feelings about characterization. I'm not 'shielding' her from the world.

Good god, but it is my responsibility how I treat other people! It is MY RESPONSIBILITY not to make the world a shittier place just because I can. I will die before I see someone having harmless fun and decide to hurt them just because I can. I can't imagine hating a stranger who has never done anything to me so much that I would hurt her for fun. Just because sometimes I think her fanfic is poorly written?

It's not my responsibility to protect her from other people who might feel the same way I do about her characterization but not the same way I do about basic fucking human decency, but it is CERTAINLY my responsibility to shield her from my own moments of bitchiness.

Genuinely, I hope you get to a place where you don't think it's cool to hurt people. Maybe you feel this way because people have hurt you, I hope they have not-- I don't think it would be any kind of a solution to hope people are mean to you for no good reason just because you're advocating meanness. I hope people treat you well and give you space to reconsider how you view thinking about other people's feelings.

[(Anonymous)]

"Maybe you feel this way because people have hurt you, I hope they have not"

Any particular reason you decided to trot out the "hurt people hurt people" trope?

[(Anonymous)]

I didn't trot out a trope, I acknowledged that an actual real life person might have been hurt in the past? Most of us have been to some degree or another??

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

I'm seeing the line in an increasing number of video essays (a trend I first observed in 2022). This bothers me because there isn't a clear (proportional) degree of hurt that would be inflicted in order for someone to feel like hurting others is justified. It's also a way to muddy the waters a bit, as the "hurt" is never clarified to be something like invalidation (which has a better chance of successful healing compared to more prolonged trauma/abuse).

[(Anonymous)]

It's not a trope, it's the truth. I know y'all don't like it because you think it's victim blaming to point out that abuse victims are likely to go on to become abusers themselves, but studies show that it's a real pattern.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

Even if abused people go on to abuse others, a phrase like "hurt people hurt people" minimizes their actions. Even my counselor is sick of the phrase because it's being using in more and more blase ways.