[ SECRET POST #6353 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6353 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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[Honkai: Star Rail]



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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 22 secrets from Secret Submission Post #908.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Regarding voice, I think that's a very personal thing and it depends on the person. There's a lot of range of registers and timbres among (cis) men and women in terms of their natural speaking voice. I personally like registers in between the typical women's range and the typical men's range and find them pleasing to listen to (I'm cis), but for someone else it may be disappointing or not sound like the voice they wanted. They might feel like it shuts them out of passing credibly as a man or a woman, even if their voice is actually within the range that cis men and cis women have. The point I'm trying to make is that there is the physical reality (how your voice changes) and there's the mental/psychological framing (whether the person likes the change or not), and I feel like the way you're presenting it in your comment conflates those two things. Changes can be unpredictable and irreversible without necessarily being bad or unwanted, but it depends on the person and how they feel about it. People can have the feeling that their new voice makes it impossible for them to credibly pass as either a man or a woman without that actually being reality. A trans person (or detrans person) can hate the sound of their own voice without it being the case that other people also hate it too. Subjective reality is not the same thing as objective reality, and for someone going through a hard and disappointing transition, you need to be careful not to "yes and" all their negative subjective impressions and you need to provide an objective reality check for them (yes, it's disappointing; yes, you've lost something important to you; yes, this hurts; no, it's not the end of the world; no, you're not irreparably broken).

And then regarding incontinence, to be honest, incontinence is an issue that even pre-menopausal women face a lot that is very underdiscussed in general because it's embarrassing. Going on birth control can cause someone to become incontinent (hi, me). This is not even listed as a side effect of my birth control pill, but it happens. I know pre-menopausal women who have difficulty holding in their pee and this has led to accidents in public and this is just a state of being. I'm not saying it's not an issue or that people can't complain about this happening to them (they can and should!). I just think that there's a tendency to exaggerate the negative impact of transition side effects and view them as special or extraordinary compared to other treatments that people might voluntarily request from their healthcare system.

I think there is a huge difference between listening to and validating a person who is lamenting the disappointing and unexpected effects of transition and regretting their decision to transition vs. completely validating that person's beliefs that they are irrevocably broken by having transitioned. Saying things like "Oh your voice is in between two registers and it's permanently stuck like that? I guess you'll never be able to credibly pass as either a man or a woman. That's tragic" or "You're incontinent now, pre-menopause? Wow that's awful," that have a sense of defeatism or that validate someone's feelings that they ARE actually broken and fucked up and unable to integrate into society anymore are statements that not only negatively affect trans people but also cis people who are affected by the exact same problems.