[ SECRET POST #6381 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6381 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 21 secrets from Secret Submission Post #912.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Late night venting.

[(Anonymous)]

Holy shit, it's like we're the same person, only I can't honestly say that my husband has made tremendous effort in anything. TBH, I think he's really used to not putting in any effort at all, and that's partly my fault. For the first ten years of our marriage, I did all the housework, cleaning, cooking, etc. He didn't have to do a thing. But as soon as I had health issues and couldn't keep up, I started asking him to help - not to actually clean the WHOLE bathroom, of course! Just to try to aim better when he's urinating, and if he misses, that's fine but take some toilet paper and clean it up. He was embarrassed and said he'd do it, and then he didn't.

I pointed out that we talked about this, but he was still peeing on the toilet rim and not cleaning it. Well, it wasn't his fault because he didn't see it. Okay, I asked him to take a Lysol cleaning wipe (kept on the back of the toilet tank) and just wipe around the rim once a week, whether he thought he needed to or not. He said he would (embarrassed, angry at me for "treating [him] like a child") and then didn't do it. I got angry and asked him why a grown man couldn't aim properly OR clean up his own urine and he got defensive and said he'd never cleaned a toilet and didn't know how! So somehow that absolved him of ever cleaning up after himself, and I was the meanie butt for humiliating him by telling him to clean up his own pee. More than a decade later and multiple fights, he will now clean the toilet every once in a while. That's nice and all, but that was a huge battle to fight to get a man to clean a toilet once a month or less, and I'm resentful as hell that he couldn't figure out how to do this earlier.

This is a grown man who has a fairly complicated, STEM-related job that he manages to do on his own, without my managerial oversight. It's just household stuff and relationship stuff where he's a helpless babe in the woods who cannot be blamed for his inability to solve basic problems like a dirty toilet. Like you, I find it really hard to forgive, especially when he's not, IMO, trying hard enough and simultaneously blaming me for being negative and not delivering this message in a gentler, more positive way or being patient enough for wait for another decade while he learns to be an adult and caring partner.

I hope you use your inheritance to give yourself some well-earned peace, space and quiet.