[ SECRET POST #6381 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6381 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 21 secrets from Secret Submission Post #912.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Recs and Advice

[(Anonymous)]

I would say if you do contact them, go at it like meeting up with an old friend or distant cousin. Say hi and be interested in how they are doing. Please don't reach out if you're wanting some sort of romanticized idea of a rescue or validation seeking.

You never know what you will gain from reaching out and just simply catching up with someone you knew from a long time ago.

I'm a bit of an optimist because I got in touch with a friend from high school a few years ago. It wasn't really until last year that we were able to spend more time together, but it's been amazing to see how we've grown since our teen years. It's been nice to rebuild a connection to this friend.

I'm aware not all reunions are as good because I reconnected with a childhood friend last year and seeing how little they have grown has made me very uncomfortable.
I think mostly because they remind me of when I was young, and it's painful to see how entitled/ignorant I had been.
It's a new challenge, learning to accept my friend for who they are. I had friends who stuck by me and gave me grace to learn and grow, I want to give this friendship a try (though I am aware of where my limitations/boundaries are so I know now, not all friendships are the same).

All this to say: we are lonely human beings and human beings are social creatures, I don't think it's a bad idea for you to reach out and say hi. However, be cautious with oversharing/wanting a connection too soon or fearing that they will laugh at you.
Be yourself, be genuine in seeking friendship, don't go looking for something that isn't there.

Re: Recs and Advice

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know you but you appear to be a much nicer and less judgemental person than most people out there in the world.
However, not wanting to be friends with people because you think they "haven't grown" seems not so nice after all.

Re: Recs and Advice

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

I know this is a late response and chances are no one will see this but you made some fucking leaps there.

I didn't say I didn't want to be friends with my childhood friend anymore. I said it's challenging to accept my friend for who they are, and I'm willing to work on my biases and uncomfortable feeling to continue this friendship.
Acknowledging my less-than-good feelings is needed. I need to know why I get uncomfortable and if it's more from my end or if my friend is being a bad friend.
I recognize it's from my end. I am judging my friend and I recognize I can look past the judgment to continue to be friends with this person. I know also that there are some subjects I have to be careful approaching with my friend (be patient and find small ways to give my friend a different POV, such as when we went out to lunch and they pointed to a baby at a table nearby and said it was an "ugly baby"; I personally find people who make unprompted comments on anyone's looks immature, insecure and rude, but I didn't drop this friend or get upset with them; I simply told them that I thought the baby was cute, because it was a quite cute baby. I also didn't laugh and agree with my friend because old - still unaware of my codependent habits - me would have done that, and that is not true to me; my friend made abother comment to defend their statement, we shrugged , changed the subject and enjoyed lunch; I did spend a couple days wondering why my friend called a baby ugly and why their statement bothered me but I did the work internally and reminded myself that my friend didn't do anything to harm me or put me down and we were able to enjoy our time together and they didn't get upset with me when I didn't agree with them).

I will say it again, I have had friends who have been kind and patient with me, and I want to remember that when dealing with friendships that aren't as harmonious/easy as my super close ones.

I simply just wanted to point out that friendships, like any relationship, are hard and hard work. Not all friendships can or should be navigated in the same ways.
You can have friends who you can make fucked up jokes with because you're comfortable enough with each other to know there is no malice or you know each other's sense of humor, but you can also have friends who don't find fucked up jokes funny for a myriad of reasons and you have to know not to keep upsetting them when you make off-color jokes.
Not all friendships are the same.

If you are someone who needs all your friends to be comfortable with your fucked up jokes then that's a you thing, don't keep expecting all your friends to cater to your comforts because that's pretty selfish IMO.

Re: Recs and Advice

[(Anonymous)]

I apologize for the leap I made.