fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6503 ]

[ SECRET POST #6503 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6503 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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06. [WARNING for discussion of Harry Potter, JKR, etc]

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07. [WARNING for discussion of Harry Potter, JKR, etc (probably?)]

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08. [WARNING for discussion of P Diddy and associated crimes]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #929.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It's like people get online and lack basic empathy and conversation skills. I miss when you could have an actual discussion and disagree and still have fun. Now it seems people go right to calling names or assuming you are a worthless person if you disagree.

I disagree with everything you said, you goose. /joke

I know what you mean. There's sort of a lack of curiosity about what other people think and why they think like that, and it seems like people think the only thing that you can get out of an interaction is affirming your own opinion by yelling it as loud as possible. Maybe it's just the sheer volume of opinion people are (potentially) exposed to online that's overwhelming and puts them into a defensive mindset, idk.

Lol!

But yes, lack of curiosity is a great way to put it! I love to hear others opinions and interpretations and to share my own. But instead of "oh that's interesting/so different, here is what I thought" and a fun exchange it is just doubling down and insulting. It is tiring.

DA

Yeah. It's like people are treating discussions as an "Us vs. Them" zero-sum game, and acting like "winning" is the only goal that could possibly have any value. I've also seen an attitude that everything in fandom must be for some higher social purpose that benefits other people, or at least be morally improving for the fans in question. Instead of being for fun, which is how it was in the past.

I feel like I'm dealing with a bunch of self-appointed guardians of other people's morality, and it's giving me flashbacks of the moralizing church ladies and deacons when I was younger. It particularly reminds me of my cousin's asshole ex-husband who decided to take me to task for not being proper enough in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner in front of the entire family.

I think folks in general have a lack of curiosity about things they fear may put them in danger. Whether that's physical or psychological.

Some folks are scared to hear a truth because they fear how it may reflect on them, on how they've carried themselves and what beliefs they've had up until now.

Yeah, this. I've noticed that in the fandom spaces I hang out in, increasingly, there is One Correct Opinion that people are allowed to have on everything, and any disagreement will be met with mean-spiritedness, hostility and personal insults, even over things as trivial as fandom preferences.

I think some of it is based in fear. But there's also a lot of it that is based in the fact that people have learned that if they cover their ship-warring and character-stanning (which is where a lot of ship-warring originates) with a fig leaf of social justice rhetoric, it's a lot easier to get away with that bullshit.

You should die in a fire for that opinion.
/joke

Lol!

Having a civil discussion requires both sides managing their triggers and remembering the other person is human.

That also includes not needling the other person because the one needling thinks it's funny or has a hard-wired belief about something. There's no civil discussion or debate without respect, only shit-flinging.

And also accepting that some folks are too far gone to debate with. Walking away doesn't necessarily mean the other person "won," but simply that you're done with them.

And no, none of that is easy.

And also accepting that some folks are too far gone to debate with. Walking away doesn't necessarily mean the other person "won," but simply that you're done with them.

I've mentioned it before, but I'll say it again in case people missed it. In these cases, I'll still debate knowing that I'm not going to change the other person's thinking. I will, however, debate for a while to get better information out to internet passers-by. That way, if they see counterpoints right away, there is less of a chance for them to fall down conspiracy theory rabbit holes.

Lately I've also been adding delays in my responses. I'll wait a day or two (or more, depending on what else I have to do) before replying. I've noticed that when I've been doing this I get responses within hours, which shows a fair number of these people are terminally online. When that happens, I continue with delayed replies to show time being taken to do research to offer counterclaims. At the very least, it tires them, and I am able to show others how badly the original claims are constructed.

ayrt

And that's perfectly fine too. I may have even continued arguing once or twice for that reason.

Re: delaying responses. In addition to acquiring more info, I just think it's good practice. Sometimes we're tempted to just fire back, maybe with a zinger, right at that moment the other person responds (and I'm guilty of this too!). But we forget that we have no obligation to do so.

It also requires an assumption that the other person is speaking in good faith, and a lot of people have decided to throw that out the window as soon as anyone expresses an opinion they don't like.

Even in bad faith circumstances I'll still push back to have a different way of thinking on public display. It also helps me practice my diction.

You're only just now learning about the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory?! Geez, that comic's 20 years old now!

https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19/green-blackboards-and-other-anomalies

Why would you think they were just now learning about it?

I think it's more that it's gotten considerably worse in recent years.

In case anyone wishes to do anti flame war research⁉️
-- try hard to imagine being the 🧠 based love child of

✅ Hugo Pratt (European comic book artist)
✅ Casey Casem (disc jockey, voice actor, and vegan activist)

You don't need to say vegan activist, you can just say vegan.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #6503 ]

I hate how you can't disagree on the internet and still have a pleasant conversation

Re: I hate how you can't disagree on the internet and still have a pleasant conversation

AYRT

Re: AYRT

Re: I hate how you can't disagree on the internet and still have a pleasant conversation

Re: I hate how you can't disagree on the internet and still have a pleasant conversation

Re: I hate how you can't disagree on the internet and still have a pleasant conversation

Re: I hate how you can't disagree on the internet and still have a pleasant conversation

Re: I hate how you can't disagree on the internet and still have a pleasant conversation

Re: I hate how you can't disagree on the internet and still have a pleasant conversation

Re: I hate how you can't disagree on the internet and still have a pleasant conversation

Re: I hate how you can't disagree on the internet and still have a pleasant conversation

Re: I hate how you can't disagree on the internet and still have a pleasant conversation

Re: I hate how you can't disagree on the internet and still have a pleasant conversation

Re: I hate how you can't disagree on the internet and still have a pleasant conversation

Re: I hate how you can't disagree on the internet and still have a pleasant conversation

Re: I hate how you can't disagree on the internet and still have a pleasant conversation

Re: I hate how you can't disagree on the internet and still have a pleasant conversation