[ SECRET POST #6509 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6509 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 06 secrets from Secret Submission Post #930.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Venting thread- I've been struggling not to hate my husband.

[(Anonymous)]

As someone who isn't a fan of generalizations... you are definitely NOT being too hard on your husband. As mentioned further upthread, marriage is an equal partnership. I don't understand people who just jump into these things and then use it as a way to regress as an adult. And I don't understand why he's shutting down conversation about it; communication is also part of being an adult and part of being in a relationship.

Re: Venting thread- I've been struggling not to hate my husband.

[(Anonymous)]

He had a rough childhood and tends to shy away from things that make him feel bad/uncomfortable. This mostly involves his own behavior and actions. If he does something crappy, he will (at best) mutter an apology but not really make any effort to keep from repeating the same crappy behavior.

If I call him out on this behavior and note that it's a recurring pattern he's not taking responsibility for or fixing, then that makes him feel guilty and defensive so he'll lash out or deny it (until he can't anymore) but the gist of it is, because my pointing out his error made him feel bad, I'm automatically the bad person here. His feelings > my feelings. So he'll make it all about himself and how hurt he is (that I pointed out he did something shitty) and how I should've said it differently, or waited until he wasn't tired after work, or gently instructed him on what he should've done instead, or or or... The whole point is to deflect attention from his actions that were thoughtless or hurtful, because it upsets him to think of himself as making mistakes or being the bad guy.

Re: Venting thread- I've been struggling not to hate my husband.

[(Anonymous)]

I had a rough childhood. I'm never likely to heal from that. I don't treat other people, especially not people I profess to love, the way he treats you.

Have you looked up DARVO, the acronym? If you read r/amit you may have come across it. It's a common tactic with emotional abusers.

Sending you all the good wishes - and don't forget, there's a kid in this mix too, who is picking up what relationships look like.