[ SECRET POST #981 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #981 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 21 pages, 506 secrets from Secret Submission Post #141.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ], [ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 - doing it wrong ], [ 1 - take it to comments ], [ 1 2 3 4 5 - empty comments ], [ 1 2 - deleted for wank ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom.livejournal.com]

101. http://i32.tinypic.com/f055ro.jpg

[(Anonymous)]

Are you me?

I don't understand how people can be your best friend one moment only to abandon you because fandom doesn't like you. I hope things get better for you.

[snoozy.livejournal.com]

Well actually, if your friends abandoned you over some zomg-shipping-war, then i do not think you were really friends in the first place. I mean, srsly.
And now, i really am curious to know, which those two fandoms were, that shipping was so much srs bzness in there, more than usual.

[(Anonymous)]

The majority of my fandom friends and I don't agree on ships. We've discussed them, argued about them, but when all is said and done we're still friends.
If everyone left you then... sorry, but you need to find some people who like you beyond a ship preference.

[(Anonymous)]

I hope things get better for you, maybe preferrably in real life. Because those people who abandoned you over something this silly weren't probably worth it.

And this whole secret makes me amazed, is the whole shippingshit business this important and bloody? I'm seriously glad I'm only part of small fandoms where everyone is just delighted about every little activity someone shows. Fighting srsly over some does person A fit better with person B or C sounds absolutely, amazingly, ridiculous to me.

[tryxkittie.livejournal.com]

that sucks but look on the bright side...you can always use your bnf fame to get you a book deal har har har

no just joking. I don't understand how anyone can abandon their friends but I've been through it. Don't worry, just stay optimistic. Each new day brings new possibilities!

[omorka.livejournal.com]

I've been lucky - the two fandoms I'm actually significantly in are both small (actually, one's small and one's tiny), and a serious shipwar could be disastrous. But people mostly seem content to disagree and either be friendly anyway and just not read what they don't like, or at worst completely ignore each other.

Sorry yours couldn't manage the same, OP. Here's hoping you find real friends who won't bail over such petty stuff.

[twyla-hime.livejournal.com]

That's sad. I don't know what else to say. :(
It's petty and nasty for them to just drop you like that, especially after you supported them so much.
Maybe start working on getting online friends unrelated to fandom. The contacts you make through fandom can be superficial. You should try to show more caution in how much emotion you invest in them from now on.

Aside from that, there's always family to call upon. Seek out the comfort that you need. People don't always realize you're having a hard time if you keep it locked up inside.

[neth-dugan.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I've never been a BNF, and I haven't been through that crap but.... I hope you find some good fandom friends that stick with you through thick and thin, even when your OTPs are different. And if they broke up with you over that... they're not the best friends you could have.


So many hugs to you.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think you're as innocent as you're making yourself out to be. Maybe a couple of people would stop being friends over shipping differences, but you imply you lost everyone. If all your friends left you, I'm willing to bet it's because of something you did that you're still not owning up to.

[karaokegal.livejournal.com]

Ship-wars are ugly; that's why they call them "wars." But if it was a true ship-war than it wasn't aimed at you, but rather the ship you embraced.

While it's sad you feel that no one is there for you, just remember that there is a real world out there and people who really do care about you.

[grrlzombie.livejournal.com]

*hugs you* ♥

[(Anonymous)]

You should choose friends who ship the same pairings as you do.

[(Anonymous)]

I've been there. Fandom was my life, and I loved my fandom friends, but all it took was a crack in the wall between online and Real Life, and once things got out of control and it pissed off the wrong person, suddenly everyone felt the need to take a side. Nobody chose me. If I signed this comment, I'd be dogpiled with the hate, so yes, I know how you feel. :(

Hang in there.

[xenafox.livejournal.com]

That really sucks anon :/ I disagree with some friends on some ships but geez, I would never leave them on it (unless you know, they were being insulting and nasty about it). Find a dif fandom?

[(Anonymous)]

I never really know what to say to secrets like this, because after seeing some of the stuff that gets thrown around during shipwars, it's very easy to see why friendships break up.

It's not the disagreeing that is the problem, it's how you go about it.

With out actually seeing what happened, I can't really judge, but maybe you should consider going back to look at some of the things you said. It could be that you said some things that they found personally offensive. Of course, you will unlikely be able to judge what they may have found so offensive, unless you have gotten over your own ship issues. Few ever do.

Or it could be that they were never really your friends.

As you were a BNF, the second is quite likely, but there could be elements of the first mixed in anyway.

But it is possible to be friends when there are ship wars. I ship zutara, and I have kataang friends. I don't mock them or their ship, and they don't mock me or mine.

[(Anonymous)]

I know it's been said in almost all the above comments, but really those couldn't have been your friends to begin with. But whether you did something or not to initiate the war, it still isn't nice to be completely abandoned.
*hugs*

Shipping wars are petty to begin with and you'll always find other friends.

[thene]

I admit, nothing makes me look down on a fan more than hearing them say 'I hate such-and-such-a-pairing because it's OOC/my shipping preferences are fact/there's no canon evidence for it/etc.' Hating a ship? Np, I hate some of them too. Saying that your hate for it is based on factual evidence rather than just being your preference/your personal reading of something? Oh god no.

The last time I saw someone do this, it was for a pairing I don't even ship and I was so mad about it in spite of that. It's such an obvious 'don't' and I think less of anyone who's that uptight and dickish about their pairings. So if that was you, I am not surprised you're feeling lonely now.

Most of my fandom friends like some ships I don't - shipping is meant to be a fun chemical experiment you do with canon, not a matter to take sides over. Also, multishipping is ace.

[(Anonymous)]

I feel your pain. I've experienced something similar, too. :(

Fandom is a fun, yet dangerous place...:/

[(Anonymous)]

JSYK, being a BNF isn't a good thing, and being a self-declared one even less so.

I avoid BNFs like the plague, and I know a lot of other people who do, too. If you're calling yourself that, it was probably something you did, not them.

[(Anonymous)]

I used to be a BFF on my fandom and now that fandom is over, even those who became my RL friends has abandoned me. It's hard and cruel, but we'll live, anon. I hope so. Please, take care. I know how you feel.

[(Anonymous)]

AJA? IS THAT YOU?

TOO BAD. SO SAD.

[sessile29.livejournal.com]

I dunno, OP... were the relationships you developed in your fandoms genuine friendships, or were they just you doing shit for people, as it sounds like in your secret? If people don't know you as a real person, they're not gonna treat you as a real person and they'll drop your ass over dumb shit like shipping wars.

[(Anonymous)]

here's something to consider. I was friends with someone who was an unknown in fandom and we had a great time.

then she became a bnf.

and abandoned me because I wasn't 'someone' in her fandoms.

it sucks that you were abandoned but I would suggest to look back at some of the things you may have said and done, or worse, not said or done. this bnf friend of mine simply neglected me while she got on with her other new bnf friends until our relationship was unsalvageable.

I fought for our friendship, she didn't care.

now, we are no longer friends and when she fell out of bnf status, I have to wonder if she felt I abandoned her. I wasn't. I tried until the pain of being ignored and abandoned was too much. trying to talk to her did no good and now ... (shrugs)

Hrm...

[rabbitucker.livejournal.com]

This is the reason I am hesitant to call anyone I meet over the internet my "friend." I'm not saying that genuine friendships can't exist over the interwebs, but if the basis of your relationship is a shared "ship" in an internet fandom and/or your status as a big-name fan, you may want to examine whether or not these people are actually your friends. A genuine friendship should extend beyond that.

It's sometimes tempting to form emotional bonds with people over the internet if you lack these connections in real life. (You say you have "NO ONE to talk to," emphasis yours.) You have to remember, though, that the person on the other end of those 1's and 0's may not feel the same bond in return, and if so, perhaps nowhere near as deeply.

You may not actually know enough about that person as you think, and it's very easy for your imagination to fill in any "Swiss cheese holes" in your perception of that person's personality. Perhaps it would be a good idea to vet potential "friends" more thoroughly before opening your heart to them. In the meantime, you may want to reach out to more people in your daily life and work, people who are easier to read and more knowable, since you get access to the totality of their body language, vocal intonations, and their lives away from fandom.