fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #981 ]

⌈ Secret Post #981 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 21 pages, 506 secrets from Secret Submission Post #141.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ], [ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 - doing it wrong ], [ 1 - take it to comments ], [ 1 2 3 4 5 - empty comments ], [ 1 2 - deleted for wank ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

106. http://i27.tinypic.com/2eeg8pd.jpg

Amen! I gave up reaching out to people who made those secrets because no one ever fucking responded, even when I gave contact info. :/

That really bites! I'd have been greatful. I think it' so rude to ignore someone trying to be sweet.

Arrgh. I hate this so much.

I mean. Maybe not hate. But if you make a plea for attention, and then ignore the people who are genuinely interested in giving it to you... that's rude, and annoying. And stupid! >[

Agreed so, so hard (obviously! xD). I know they probably make the secrets after having a bad day, evening, past 2 hours, etc., but at least follow through somehow!

Ugh, I know how you feel anon. =/

Aww D: It sucks.

It is frustrating to reach out and get nothing in return, yeah. But maybe they will take up the offer later on when they feel more comfortable.

Perhaps they are afraid that friending someone so close to the secret release will make them vulnerable or seem pathetic. (Sometimes people want to know why someone is friending them, where they came from, etc...requiring a comment, if their journal is locked.)

They're hard on themselves about their own loneliness and don't want to show it. That's why it's a secret?

Still, they could at least respond on the thread anonymously. Showing some courtesy.

I know what you're saying, but...I still don't have much sympathy to be honest. I'm really hard on myself about it, to a pretty excrutiating point but I'm still trying to help myself somewhat or be nice to those who offer it. I'm not saying they have to tell their life story to a stranger just...acknowledge the offer.

(deleted comment)

:) Thank you!

I wouldn't go quite as far as hate.

As twyla_hime said above it might make them awkward. However It can be just as awkward offering so yanno...

I don't think I said I hated them? *Rereads and is really tired, sorry x.x* Owait, unless you mean my comment reply. Meh hating the situation.

Meh, if someone's shy to begin with I can imagine it being hard to just randomly friend people that way - but really, what harm could it do to say hi or hi5 or whatever? Especially if you have the same fandoms. It seems like most people in fandom are really friendly if you just take the time to talk to them.

Yea. Don't worry, I'm not even talking as far as friending just..heck, making anon small talk and being friendly can brighten someone's day :)

I think you made a good point, OP!

.......but mostly I was distracted by Tulio. :D

LOL. That's okay too! Tulio is pretty cool! (Not sure why I used him actually, Miguel is my fave...)

It works both ways, you can do a secret and hope and hope someone reaches out to you all prepared to welcome them with open arms... and then you get rejection comments in reply :( *sad*

Ugh rejection comments are so rude. What have people got against someone feeling genuinely upset/lonely? *Hugs*

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2009-09-13 15:08 (UTC) - Expand

Maybe they suffer from post-submission embarrassment like whoever posted 150 and couldn't bear to come back and read all the nice comments.

Or (what I tend to assume) maybe they're lonely because of depression or social anxiety and responding was just too much for them.

I guess so. I still think it's silly though, and they're refusing to help themselves.

Re: excuses, excuses

(Anonymous) - 2009-09-13 12:54 (UTC) - Expand

I submitted a secret along those lines pretty recently, and when people respond and offer to be friends/talk it's difficult to say "Thanks, but I don't think we have any common interests and the likelihood that we wouldn't really click about anything else would be worse for my social anxiety than not talking to you at all".
I did post a thank you to everyone who commented (it might've been too late for people to read it, so I kind of feel guilty about that :/) but I can see how other people wouldn't be able to figure out what to say.

tldr, we need a "so you submitted a 'lonely in fandom' secret" friending meme here :D

You never know :3 I have some friends on my list with NOTHING in common with me I swear and they're such nice people ♥ Talk even anonymously! It could work out. And if not, you'll have had a pleasant conversation at least xD

tldr, we need a "so you submitted a 'lonely in fandom' secret" friending meme here :D

I vote yes on this!

I find myself sympathizing with the OPs of such secrets, and I certainly don't expect them to reply to the responses. After all, unless they're very specific, you don't know the reasons behind their loneliness or why they wouldn't want to drag out a discussion on F!S about it. I'd imagine they already wracked their nerves just submitting a secret here.

Perhaps they're very shy, easily intimidated, awkward, or simply not interested in those who reply. They may not know how to respond to you, and would rather leave more than a "thanks!" if it were possible. Maybe they don't want to admit their loneliness under their name, and aren't partial to the idea of being befriended out of "pity" (assuming they assume that).

Expecting a "thank-you" for making a supportive comment is a bit much. I'd rather think they're quietly appreciating the responses, as opposed to snubbing us and reinforcing their self-induced loneliness.

above!anon is right. A friending meme would be quite awesome for these OPs ♥

Edited 2009-09-13 07:03 (UTC)

Perhaps. But, it's not that I have "expected" a thank you and so on...it would be a nice gesture. Not required. But it does give the appearance of snubbing, and is frustrating for us who want to reach out and get responses, people get tired of thinking they haven't been heard and eventually stop offering help. That's just the way it seems to go, like crying wolf.