I never had childhood friends, either. And yeah, that shit hurt for a long time so I’m sorry, OP. But tbh I haven’t thought about it in a very long time and when I do I’m a little sad about it but the hurt has long since faded. I have friends now and a healthy relationship with the world and life in general. I think that’s what I was really missing as a kid and the friends are just the visible proof of having that.