[ SECRET POST #6748 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6748 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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04. [WARNING for discussion of abuse]

[Skip Beat!]



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05. [WARNING for discussion of sexual assault]




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06. [WARNING for discussion of sexual assault]























Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #965.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: OP here

[(Anonymous)]

Dang, I'm sorry about your immune system. That sucks mightily.

If you're still coming back to this thread, I want to leave you with a surgery scenario that's not any of the worst cases that your anxiety floods your brain with. It's not top surgery (I'm AFAB non-binary and I haven't gone for top surgery yet, I definitely do want at least a reduction) but it was gender-affirming and I didn't collect long-term trauma from it.

I had been asking doctors for hysterectomies since my late 20s, and in my mid-30s my new gynecologist went from "oh ha ha we don't like to do that with patients as young and healthy as yourself" to "soooo you need to see your primary care after this about your blood pressure because we want you in tip top shape when your uterus comes out" -- the biopsy was obviously, visually, abnormal. And I was terrified of the anaesthesia, because, like you said, people can die from it. (Not afraid of the pain meds, because I know behavioral theory. The popular way of taking pain meds, when you wait for The Worst Pain Ever and then take them and feel better, then wait for the pain to get bad again and then take them? That is absolutely a classical behavioral setup for addiction. But if you take the pain meds before the pain gets bad, ideally on a timed schedule, and the pain never gets super bad, you can taper them off safely as you heal without a huge risk of addiction.)

I woke up after the operation and my throat hurt like hell but I was happier than I could possibly imagine because I was alive and my uterus was gone and nobody could ever threaten me with pregnancy as a means of control, not ever again, I was free and alive and perfect.

Recovery was obnoxious and living through it was tedious and occasionally painful, but not as painful as my worst menstrual cramps, and unlike my worst menstrual cramps I had adequate pain control. I didn't get an infection. I did have an infection scare, but that turned out to be an allergy to one of the surgical tapes.

I look back on it not like I was the victim of a vast medical trauma, but like an unpleasant journey to a lifelong goal. It sucked at times, but I did it, and I'm more at home in my body now. I have a couple nearly invisible incisions across my belly, a barely visible dotted line, and a scar where my cervix used to be.

If I could change anything about it, I'd go back further in my life and insist that I get it earlier, because I actually had cancer by that point (which sucks) but I don't think of pain when I see my scars, I think of victory and accomplishing my goals.