[ SECRET POST #6872 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6872 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 14 secrets from Secret Submission Post #981.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Things that take you out of the story

[(Anonymous)]

Your example bothers me because it sounded like the author wanted to cram in a little piece of trivia they learned or unload a pet peeve and it's hard to imagine that it flows smoothly within the larger context. It's clumsy, and feels artificial. That alone would take me out of the story, too.

In addition to that, there's a layer of attempted cultural superiority in there. SE Asia is an enormous region, with many cultures. My family is from SEA, and we would not eat an Asian style noodle dish with a fork. If the author wants this character to do so without looking foolish, then this seems like a really clumsy way to do it. Just have the character eat with a fork and nobody cares, like they do IRL. No need to spin it as they're ackshully more sophisticated than the other white people around them.

As for other things that take me out of a story:

* anachronistic speech in a historical context.
* adults acting like children, usually for cutesy reasons or woobie reasons. It's not that I don't believe a grown man who is otherwise capable can't have a breakdown, but it's not likely to look the way it's often portrayed in fanfic where they're acting like a helpless toddler and being treated like a helpless toddler by their love interest.
* heavy handed messages, even if I agree with the message - it's just sloppy writing. Very few authors can write with a messagey intent and not have it sound preachy or like propaganda instead of a good story.
* calling eyes "orbs"... just... no.