[ SECRET POST #6882 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6882 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 36 secrets from Secret Submission Post #983.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

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Transcript

[(Anonymous)]

Damn I am tired of chasing people around to schedule shit. I don't give a flying fuck if they don't want to, or can't, or have no time for fandom any more. I wish they'd say so even if it's a lie so the rest of us can say good fucking riddance to people who somehow cannot check their schedule and get back to anyone for a week every time. If they weren't my friends' friends I'd drop them in a heartbeat.

[(Anonymous)]

I've been direct with people that when I invite them to things I'd prefer they be honest than string me along with mealy-mouthed responses. I won't try to convince them to change their minds and I feel better hearing a no than sit around wondering if I should make plans with/without them.

If I continue to receive no responses when I keep inquiring or keep getting "maybes/ I don't know", I put them down as a no. I usually don't invite those people again in the future.

I have anxiety and I suspect I have ADHD, so I have been the mealy-mouthed person who is afraid to say no to invites or am hesitant to commit to a thing, but I've also been the sort of friend who makes plans we keep talking about.
And I don't know if the mealy-mouthed/hard-to-communicate-with friend knows how painful it is to want to do something with one's friends to only have them flake, but it can be really stressful and emotionally draining.

Like, your feelings aren't the only feelings on the line, you know that right?
And if the flakey people are subconsciously playing a chasing game, I don't engage with that.
I told you I want to hang out so I'm inviting you. If you can't get over your anxieties to show up to hang out, you'll have to work on that on your own time.
I don't have it in me to bend over backwards to constantly reassure to you that I want you there by chasing you down and continually inviting you to do things with me, or to make grand speeches about how I want you to hang out with me when you say no or that you aren't sure.

Like, I realized how awful I'd been to patient friends who'd been nice to my flakiness, so I try not to be like that anymore. Because I know how hard it is to break out of being flakey, I try to be understanding. That's why I'm direct. I prefer a no now than to be strung along. Please try not to feel pressured, if you do, I won't take it personally if you cancel but the earlier I know, the better.

With all that said, I also know that I don't need to keep setting myself up to get hurt from rejection by continually inviting flakey people. I don't always have to consider everyone else's feelings before my own.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I hear you. This is why I no longer do anything collaborative in fandom anymore, it's just too much work chasing people around. I get that people are busy and sometimes unexpected stuff comes up, but... communicate this? Rarely do people have emergencies to the point where they're cut off from access to internet, etc. for weeks/months at a time. They're just being irresponsible and avoiding 'fessing up that they're going to flake, or have already flaked.

[(Anonymous)]

Friend's friends? Nah drop 'em. Let someone else make the plans. Oh, no plans are being made because they wanted you to do all the work? Well, there you go. You don't have to be nice to friends of friends if they aren't your friends. Yeah, we need more kindness in the world but that's a two-way street.