fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6935 ]

[ SECRET POST #6935 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6935 ⌋

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Part of me feels bad/guilty complaining about this, because people were being kind and thinking of me, but... I kind of hate the way that people just give these impersonal, semi-junky, unnecessary gifts at the holidays. I reeaaallly don't mean to sound like a brat or entitled or whatever, but I'd genuinely rather people not give me anything, as opposed to giving me stuff I don't need, don't want, and won't use. One of my friends gave me some gifts that included 4 really cheap quality utterly crappy dollar store lip balms. I'm not going to use them and I don't even know how to get them to someone who might use them. If I drop them off at a thrift store, they're not sealed, will they sell them?

I also got a pair of socks that have, like, beer mugs wearing Christmas hats??? I think? It's these weird fuzzy little images. I don't think they're even going to fit my feet because they're oddly long and skinny. I have countless little mugs and drinking glasses, decorative little tchotchkes, t-shirts, SO MANY socks, lotion... It just feels like people are wasting their money. And then I feel obligated to buy something for them, too, so I'm contributing to the waste too. But I don't want to be the party pooper who says nooo I don't want to do that this year.

My family did a secret santa for the first time this year (the under-18s still got presents from everyone) and what a huge relief! People in my family are generally thoughtful about presents but even so it's a huge waste of money. Buying just one present each was fantastic and I would highly recommend it for any group.

I agree so much. I would rather spend money on one nice gift that someone might actually use and be pleased to have, then spend the same amount buying a bunch of gewgaws that won't be used. I feel guilty throwing this stuff away, but I tried one of the lip balms and it has this horrible synthetic chemical strawberry scent and is worse than regular Chapstick.

One of my friends does this with her parents and siblings (and siblings' spouses) and it works well for them too. Thinking of doing this with my siblings next year.

Me and my brother and partner did this this year, but with Airfix kits/some equivalent brand. We all get something to do to keep our hands busy while Die Hard is on in the background, keeps me and my brother from arguing and we all get a cool model out of it at the end.

almost every time I've done a secret Santa the person who was supposed to get me a present didn't even bother.

Ugh I feel this. My friend groups take turns hosting and treating each other, and IMO *that* is the only gift needed. It's expensive enough anyway. But people still show up with gifts that are usually useless tchotchkes or stuff that pertains more to *their* interests and hobbies than what would interest the giftees. I have a lot of weird socks I'll never wear, too.

I agree! That right there is spending plenty of money already, the little gifts just aren't needed.

Ooo man, I'd wanted to write something similar on Christmas but decided not to be a whiny brat on Christmas.

I'd gotten a cutely packaged bath care set but it's the cheap body soap I know I wouldn't use. I also got cheap skincare creams and serums and while the thought is sweet, I feel like such a snob for not wanting to use them.
I feel bad as well because I feel like these gifts were "I felt cornered into giving you this because you got me a gift". And I would have preferred for this person not to gift me anything.

I try not to play into the "I got you a gift so I expect one in return" game. Instead of giving a gift in return, but I want to show appreciation, I sometimes write a thank you card to the person who gave me a gift. Still using paper but at least it's not an item that might take up space and/or not be used by the gift receiver.

It also deters people who weaponize quid pro quo gifts/favors from wanting to get too close to me. Also, it can sometimes unmask moochers who feel entitled to your generosity but are blind to how little they give to others.

PS.
Wish you could give the lip balms to a place where it'd be appreciated. If it was me I'd give them to a friend's 4yo daughter who would like them and use them. Do you have a friend or relative with a child who might appreciate lip balms?

Oh this is a good idea! I have several coworkers who have young grandchildren and I bet one of them would take these.

Impersonal gifts bug me too. Like, okay, sure? Maybe something new I've never tried. But at the same time I wonder if this person knows me at all?

I'm so with you on this. I am trying to reduce clutter in my home and waste in my life. I do not want your cheap lip balms, shitty socks, stinky lotion, or random Christmas tree ornaments. I don't want any of it. If I don't know someone who actually wants and will use it, I throw that shit straight in the trash as soon as I get home with it. This year my boss crafted some stuff, and I'm sure it was fun to make, but it didn't come out looking that great and it's not stuff I would have wanted even if it had. I thanked her and was polite, took a few pictures of it sitting on a side table in my home just in case, and threw it away. I don't feel any shame or guilt about trashing these types of gifts. If I can rehome it or repurpose something, I will, but otherwise I'm going to trash it or recycle it. It's tat that was always destined to end up in the landfill, I'm just expediting its route there. It won't bounce through closets and drawers and boxes and thrift stores on its way to its ultimate destination.

I actually like how blunt and matter-of-fact you are about it. I have always felt this guilty sense of obligation to keep anything that I am gifted, especially because I don't get that many physical gifts these days, so it's like oh no, someone gave this to me, I can't get rid of it. But you're SO RIGHT that some of this stuff is inevitably going to go to the landfill. If I hang on to it, all I'm doing is delaying the inevitable and keeping trash in my house instead of getting rid of it.

I feel this, my co worker gave me a candy thing from Mr. Beast's line and I don't really do candy, so I took it home with me and threw it away. It feels bad but its all future landfill.

Oh yuck. I DO do candy, but not that candy.

That's disappointing, and I'd feel bad about money going to waste and the actual products going to waste, too. On top of that, it suggests that the person giving those things either doesn't know you very well, or simply doesn't care enough to figure it out.

IME a lot of people seem to think that bath and body products are great general gifts for women. I don't like perfumes, I only use very basic soaps and lotions, and most of the stuff that's made for gifting purposes isn't very good, anyway. I'd rather just skip gift giving altogether if people can't be bothered.

Agreed. Scents are so personal, especially if it's lotion or something that you keep smelling. And like you said, most of those little gift sets are more focused on the presentation than having a quality product.

The issue as far as I see it is that we've retained all these rituals around gift-giving while 1) forgetting what gift-giving is actually for and 2) living in a time of plenty where we all generally have what we want or need, and then some.

Gifts serve a couple of social purposes, but when we have other ways of creating mutual obligations, other ways of conveying appreciation/recognition/relational depth, and most importantly, when we all already have too much stuff, they stop feeling purposeful and start feeling empty. That's even more the case when they're tied to specific events that we're all expected to participate in. I think in this day and age, it would better for us to treat gifts as things that should be spontaneously given, when we happen to come across something that reminds of a loved one and that we genuinely think they'd like (and even then, it's best to keep them to a minimum). The holidays should be about building togetherness in other ways.

I could not agree more. Going to a store and just buying some random impersonal items to fill up a gift bag is just pointless.

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