[ SECRET POST #7009 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #7009 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 37 secrets from Secret Submission Post #1001.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

05. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/0d391211a2d4.png

Transcript by OP

[fscom]

One of the biggest tells that a gay sub bottom character is being written/RPed by an oblivious straight woman, at least to me, is when the character/story assumes queer dom top men respond to that type of character the same way straight men respond to straight women, where the straight men are assumed to have a dearth of choice and the straight women are by default desired and chased after.

something something insert joke about how everybody and their brother and their gay uncle is a vers bottom seeking a good man

Seriously though, forcing the standard het dynamic makes me bounce off so many stories.

[(Anonymous)]

Not a straight woman, but when I first started rping, I was so sure I'd find it difficult to find partners who were interested in someone who wanted to rp as a male domtop.

Boy, was I in for a pleasant surprise! Nothing fuels your self-esteem like entering a Discord and immediately getting flooded with requests to RP.

[(Anonymous)]

I think I understand what this secret is getting at, but I'm having a hard time separating that from the broad "partner who pursues and the partner who is pursued" dynamic, which to my knowledge, isn't unique to het relationships. Am I stupid, or can someone please clarify?

[(Anonymous)]

I think it's touching on the commonality (?) of types of people, in real world-ish settings anyway. It's assumed straight men pursue straight women but also that men, broadly speaking, are the ones with much more limited access to relationships with women whereas straight women - if they so chose, or lowered their standards enough - would have a much easier time finding any straight man to date. The numbers are on the woman's side, and that's a natural and assumed het dynamic that does not carry over into gay, or queer ships, where the lack of tops is a common real world (joking) complaint and the thirst for doms is open and prevalent

[(Anonymous)]

OK yeah, that makes sense. I way overthought this; real "forest for the trees" situation. Thank you for explaining, lmao.

[(Anonymous)]

OP is saying that straight women tend to assume bottoms are seen by tops the way hot women are seen in straight circles. In reality, there's a "top shortage" in most mlm communities, as most mlm men prefer bottoming and/or subbing. So while in straight dating circles a hot woman is seen as a hot commodity* by cishet men, bottoms are a dime a dozen.

* An object, but a highly desired one.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Ah, thank you for explaining. My brain fog is pretty heavy today and I genuinely couldn't make heads or tails from the secret.

[(Anonymous)]

Tbh... As a guy who likes guys and reads m/m... I forget about realism for the most part while reading. Like I don't think I've ever had this thought, though I see what you're getting at, because I guess I just take it as a fantasy scenario where that specific bottom is so sexy that the top is crazy about him, lol. I think the fantasy character of "super desirable bottom who everyone wants" makes sense in a fictional story and it's something guys imagine too, either pursuing a guy everyone wants or being the bottom men are fighting over, so it doesn't throw me off. Thinking about it though I think it tends to go with other tropes that do feel more like fantasy than reality, hmm...

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I'm a gay woman and the whole "main character being so sexy and desirable and everyone pursuing them" just reads like standard romance tropes to me, nothing to do with IRL dating. You see it in f/f fic written by lesbians but IRL it's the more toppish women who get the most dates.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

I get that in fantasy romance fic but I see how someone having those expectations in roleplay is offputting.

[(Anonymous)]

Might be a miscommunication in expectations for the RP, because there's no shortage of romance RP.

[(Anonymous)]

Assuming this is about people trying to write real world-ish settings, not porn fantasies where your yaoi uke has the only magical healing butthole in all the universe that also tastes like honey and farts rainbows.

One thing that always throws me is when RPers write the background NPCs acting like the more femme and flamboyant and coquettish their character is, the more attractive they're considered to everyone. That's not how anything works, especially as a man

[feotakahari]

Part of the reason there’s a gay top shortage is that talking about being a bottom is (somewhat) less likely to result in horrible people coming out of nowhere to accuse you of being a sexual predator. In a more idealistic fantasy world, I think fewer people would feel pressured to bottom.

[(Anonymous)]

If a character is painted as soooo desirable purely because he's a sub/bottom, without him being given other character traits that heighten his desirability, AND if the narrative emphasis is entirely focused on said sub/bottom's desirability, without there being reciprocal focus on how intensely desirable the dom/top is, then I tend to feel the same way as you do, OP.

OTOH, I feel like BOTH characters in a ship being painted as highly desirable - especially to each other, but also to the world at large - is an extremely common if not standard element of romance erotica regardless of whether it's queer or het. The mutual desirability of the characters ensures that no matter how the reader identifies and no matter what they like themselves, the story fulfills the fantasy of being special and desired and valued, while ALSO fulfilling the fantasy of getting to be with a partner who is special and incredible and highly desirable.

[(Anonymous)]

Anything that posits that Man Brains and Woman brains are SO DIFFERENT and also Straight Brains and Gay Brains are SO DIFFERENT is hilarious. None of us are special, and fucking is fucking. We have things in common with people who aren't just like us and it's all right to admit it.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't see anything about not wanting to admit that all people are similar in certain ways? I also don't think anyone said anything about brains, only a familiarity or lack of familiarity with culture and society which are independent of biology.

Americans get British social interactions and dynamics wrong and vice versa all the time even when trying for realism or accuracy due to unfamiliarity. The really oblivious ones don't even try and assume their dynamics are the same. If someone said this is some kind of statement about American Brains vs. British Brains and it's okay to admit humans have similar brains, I'd look at them funny because that wasn't the point.

[(Anonymous)]

It's not that the BRAINS are so different, it's that the DATING POOL is so different.

[(Anonymous)]

You really misunderstood this secret. Saying "gay male sub bottoms aren't sought after and prized within the gay community the way that good-looking women are sought after and prized within the straight community" does not equal OP saying people's brains are different.