fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1148 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1148 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

101.

__________________________________________________

102.

__________________________________________________

103.

__________________________________________________

104.

__________________________________________________

105.

__________________________________________________

106.

__________________________________________________

107.

__________________________________________________

108.

__________________________________________________

109.

__________________________________________________

110.

__________________________________________________

111.

__________________________________________________

112.

__________________________________________________

113.

__________________________________________________

114.

__________________________________________________

115.

__________________________________________________

116.

__________________________________________________

117.

__________________________________________________

118.

__________________________________________________

119.

__________________________________________________

120.

__________________________________________________

121.

__________________________________________________

122.

__________________________________________________

123.

__________________________________________________

124.

__________________________________________________

125.

__________________________________________________

126.

__________________________________________________

127.

__________________________________________________

128.

__________________________________________________

129.

__________________________________________________

130.

__________________________________________________

131.

__________________________________________________

132.

__________________________________________________

133.

__________________________________________________

134.

__________________________________________________

135.

__________________________________________________

136.

__________________________________________________

137.

__________________________________________________

138.

__________________________________________________

139.

__________________________________________________

140.

__________________________________________________

141.

__________________________________________________

142.

[Zachary Quinto]

__________________________________________________

143.

__________________________________________________

144.

__________________________________________________

145.

__________________________________________________

146.

__________________________________________________

147.

__________________________________________________

148.

[Stargate SG-1]

__________________________________________________

149.

[Farmville]

__________________________________________________

150.

[Blazblue: Calamity Trigger]

__________________________________________________

151.

[Death Note]

__________________________________________________

152.

__________________________________________________

153.

[John Barrowman]

__________________________________________________

154.

[AKA: Lies are like wishes]

__________________________________________________

155. [SPOILERS for Lost]

__________________________________________________

156. [SPOILERS for Dr Who]

__________________________________________________

157. [SPOILERS for One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest]

__________________________________________________

158. [SPOILERS for Glass Feet]

__________________________________________________

159. [SPOILERS for One Piece]

__________________________________________________

160. [SPOILERS for Mass Effect]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #164.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - ships it ], [ 1 - would hit it ], [ 1 - take it to comments ], [ 1 - personal attack ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

113. http://i46.tinypic.com/vhopw.jpg

Your parents tell you how glad they are that you're not like you're sister? They sound like classy people.

Not so much that they are glad I am not like her as just glad I don't seem to have as many problems, but I get what your saying

Try getting your mom aside -- go out to dinner or lunch or something -- and say "I know you don't mean it that way, but when you say you're glad I'm not like my sister it makes me feel like I can't bring my problems to you."

And then see how she responds. If she seems open to listening, try her with some of the minor crap in your life and work your way along.

Chances are pretty good your parents are trying to praise you, and they aren't hearing the double message at all.

How dare you use such classist language. EXAMINE YOUR PRIVILEGE!!!

I know how you feel, OP. I have a similar problem. I know it's hard being strong on your own, so use whatever (non-harmful) means you need to help you.

And Wilf is a pretty awesome choice as far as characters go c:

A lot of people do that; I read a study once which grew out of another study on childhood "imaginary friends." The first study was originally about what age people lose their imaginary friends at...and it turned into this second study about how "imaginary friends" actually become replaced by celebrities and fictional characters from more mature fiction in adulthood. It serves the same functions, i.e. someone to talk to and work things out in your head, someone who you can trust to like you, etc.

In my experience, pretty much everyone does do this, whether they cop to it or not. So know that this is actually normal, OP.

Also? The pressure your parents are putting on you to be "the one with no problems" is deeply unfair to you...and emotionally manipulative. (Because what they're saying is, "God, don't develop any problems because I can't handle it.") But they're YOUR PARENTS. That's their responsibility.

So it sounds like they need some counseling themselves, so that they have the emotional resources to support YOU, too. I honestly can't say I know how to suggest that to them, OP. But if you can suggest it to them, I would.

Hope things improve for you.

Also? The pressure your parents are putting on you to be "the one with no problems" is deeply unfair to you...and emotionally manipulative. (Because what they're saying is, "God, don't develop any problems because I can't handle it.") But they're YOUR PARENTS. That's their responsibility.

... Wow. A little bit of my brain went "click" at this sentence. It really, really helps to clarify some of what I've been feeling lately. Thank you so much!

(and I am not the op)

...I feel like this could have been written by my sister. And I'm sorry. Honestly, truly, I am so, so sorry, and I wish you all the best.

I hid my problems from my parents for years because my younger brother was "the troubled one" and I was "the responsible one". So, I feel for you. Make sure you remember that what your parents are doing is a mistake -- you can keep loving them, but just be aware that what they're doing is a sign of their own fears, and NOT the truth of how you have to be. Parents can do this without even realizing it, so while you can certainly blame them it may just be easier to let it slide, and simply stop letting it affect you.

You may also want to change their image of you gradually, so they can learn more about the real you and adjust to that without it coming as a shock. Just always, always remember that your parents are imperfect people, and that your problems are real and legitimate. Also remember that, even if you bombard them with all your problems and accuse them of manipulation and rage at them for half an hour, yes they will be shocked, but they will still care about you and they will still be proud of you.

I hid my problems from my parents for years because my younger brother was "the troubled one" and I was "the responsible one".

Damn, it's like an itty-bitty internet mirror here. Did you ever open up and start talking to your parents about it? (Mostly asking because I could use a few pointers if you did.)

((And I totally understand if you're not comfy revealing to random internet chick :) ))

Ooh yeah. They were mostly supportive, but my dad would say things under his breath for awhile conveying skepticism that I was actually "depressed", etc. Fun times.

Now my days as the responsible one have long since passed. I had a very troubled time about my third year of college, and came away a total crazy hippie. My plan is to go to grad school for environmental design so I can plan sustainable buildings, factories and farms (I'm now at the stage where I have a plan, and it sounds pretty respectable), but I think there was a lot of eyeball-rolling when I went off to live on various organic farms and learn about things like "permaculture". I still have plans to move onto an ecovillage in the next few years. Woo, tangent!

Anyway, I still have conflict with my parents over it, but empathy and compassion help, and divorcing my own self-worth from how I felt I was doing on the old "life plan" (aka college, grad school, career in science or medicine) helped enormously. I'm no sage on the subject, not by a long-shot, but I do have one person's worth of experiences I can relate. Basically everything actually helpful I could think of went into the comment you're responding to, lol.

But if you want, we can certainly chat. Clearly I have no problem (over)sharing.

This seems like something my brother could have written when we were teens, and it kind of eerily explains his emotional distance from the family a few years down the road. I feel this creeping horror now that, on top of all the other problems that were going on, we probably pressured him into feeling he had to be "the normal one." No wonder he hid 90% of his personal life from us. No wonder he left for the Army with hardly any notice, then dropped off his frequency of contact. No wonder he surprised us with the existence of a long-time girlfriend turned fiancée turned wife when we had no idea he had ever dated anyone. My god.

Thank you, OP. A major piece just clicked in place, and I think I understand my brother more. This... this means a lot to me. Thank you.

Have you reached out to your sister? She could be your ally if you let her know that really, you aren't-- and shouldn't have to be-- "the normal one," and that you have emotional concerns just like she does. I wish my brother had said something back then. We really could have helped one another.

Actually my sister and I are really close because of this issue. We didn't use to be but about a year ago she started going to college and we finally started talking. I am the older sister by a couple of years so it was nice to finally connect with her. It is slow going but I am definitely letting go of the annoyance I felt when I wa around her because of this.

[ SECRET POST #1148 ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject