fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1464 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1464 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 108 secrets from Secret Submission Post #209.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I agree that my description might be limited, as is often the case with the type of fora.

But just looking at your bold text:

IF YOU ARE NOT ENJOYING THE SEX, WANT TO STOP, BUT CANNOT FOR ANY REASON RELATED TO YOUR PARTNER, IT IS PROBABLY* RAPE. YOUR PARTNER DOES NOT HAVE TO BE MADE AWARE OF YOUR RAPING FOR IT TO BE RAPE. EVEN IF YOU'RE SAYING YES.

Do you honestly think men should be convicted of rape in this particular case? Even if you consider it to be rape? The had absolutely NO way of knowing, which means, that every man ever participating is sex is y definition screwed, because they can get locked up for rape without having any reason to believe they did anything wrong whatsoever.

Do you not get that this is why the concept of enthusiastic consent is so important? I mean, leaving aside the fact that most men who rape know what they are doing and guys who *genuinely did not realize somehow* that they raped someone are a tiny minority (I mean, who fucking misreads body language so badly that they think someone passed-out drunk, or someone lying there shaking or crying, is genuinely consenting?), encouraging men and women to get enthusiastic consent before proceeding with further sexual activity means that guys are less likely to be put in a position of thinking "she was okay with it" because she didn't specifically say no. I mean, it doesn't even have to be some clinical "is this specific act okay", you can turn it into dirty talk, or ask what they want you to do to/with them, etc.

I just... seriously don't get how you can complain about the poor men who don't know they are raping someone and yet belittle the enthusiastic consent movement. If everyone got enthusiastic consent, the few genuinely clueless men out there would *never have to be put in that position*....

Seriously, I find this whole concept of "enthusiastic consent" to be very fuzzy and partially problematic.

How exactly do you define it?

I see a lot being said about communication, and while yes-communication is important in a relationship, long drawn-out conversations before every make-out session can be a downer, sexually.

One-night stands with very little knowledge of each other and without much talk, can be perfectly consensual.

Yes, I do get the importance that it's important to create an atmosphere where women can confidently say no, but also confidently say "yes" without feeling ashamed.

But fact remains that - for men and women - sex is often an instinctive act that at the moment of it happening, does not actually involve very much conversation except for "oooh, baby".

Some women will be very initiative-oriented and their enthusiasm is pretty blatant, but some women may be more closed about sex, less comfortable talking about it...yet that still does not mean they do not like having it.

I find it problematic that every touch initiated without express consent of the other partner, could be seen as a sexual assault. Some people are silent during sex. Some people LIKE the other party to take initiative. Some people do appear shy and reluctant while they actually want to be shagged like there's no tomorrow.

What I see is a group of people trying to define what sex should be like for everyone.
And everything that does not fit into this limited view of sexuality is then by definition labeled as rape.

It's not that any act not cleared in advance is by default rape... it's that if the person isn't very obviously consenting, it COULD be. I mean, if someone is so quiet or still that you can't tell that they're enjoying what you're doing... how do you know that they're consenting? How do you know that they aren't freezing up because they're flashing back to a previous assault, or that they're not about to puke all over you or pass out from illness?

Why not be safe, and make sure that the person you're with really IS into it? If you're with someone who is not giving any outward sign that they are enjoying what you are doing with them... why not make sure? What is so fucking hard about this?

[ SECRET POST #1464 ]

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