[ SECRET POST #1558 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1558 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 12 pages, 291 secrets from Secret Submission Post #223.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 3 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ], [ 1 - take it to comments ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[hikari87.livejournal.com]

A desire to be together forever doesn't mean much. A decision to be together forever does. It's a decision that the couple is going to have to make over and over, every day, even when they don't feel that desire. The thing is this. If you have sworn to be together forever, then you are bound by your word to do just that. Granted there are times when divorce really is your only option. But the view that marriage, or indeed any romantic partnership, should be based on feelings alone, is, to my mind, a contributing factor to the rate of people splitting up. Love isn't a feeling. Love is a conscious decision to put the other person's greater good and happiness ahead of your own. Feelings of love exist, and they're wonderful, but they are a very shaky basis to rest a relationship on alone. They might be what brings you together, but they are not going to be what keeps you together. What keeps you together is that decision that you ARE going to stay a pair, no matter how hard things get. Again, I am NOT saying that there are never times when divorce is the only decent option. I am saying that there WILL be times when one or both partners are going to partly or totally lose those romantic feelings, but that in and of itself is not a reason to say goodbye permanently. I am not saying that your parents just didn't work hard enough. I have seen bad things happen in my own parents marriage, where I sometimes thought that divorce might have been a good solution, but they had already made the decision that they were not going to leave each other even if things were bad between them, and they didn't, and they were able to get through it. I have seen it happen both in this way and when it ended in divorce. I am not as naive as you seem to think. I DO NOT believe that marriage or partnership is going to necessarily lead to constant happiness. I also do not believe that becoming unhappy in a marriage or partnership means that you should necessarily split up, because 1) people change and can grow together as they have grown apart, and can mend their relationship again and b) if you gave your word to stay together, you should honor that word. I will tell you that I would not trust myself to stay with someone forever if I had not made that vow with them (I'm not with anyone at the moment), and neither would I trust that person to stay with me without that vow. Because we would have given our word of honor to stay together forever, we would be duty-bound to honor that commitment, and therefore would have no option but to find a way, no matter how hard, to make it work, UNLESS one of us did something unforgivable. I realize this sounds like I'm advocating misery and accusing people who get divorced for any reason of generally being bad people, but I'm not. I do believe that sometimes divorce is your only option. Your parents sound like they did their best to work things out, but divorce ended up being their only option. BUT. it should be a VERY LAST option, only after you have tried everything, EVERYTHING else that you possibly can, to hold your relationship together. Btw, what I have said regarding splitting up of legally married couple holds for couples who haven't gotten married too. The difference between a marriage and a couple living together, and the reason that divorce is worse than simply breaking up with your live-in? Because you haven't given your word of honor to stay with your live-in forever. A vow means something. THAT is what makes marriage different from living together. Not the rings. Not the license. Not the fancy dress and suit, standing in a church. The formally swearing to be together forever.

[hikari87.livejournal.com]

Ahem, sorry for the long post, didn't realize how long it had gotten.