[ SECRET POST #1562 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1562 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

oh god stop using red text on jpegs

also, now affiliated with pkmnsecret! Check em out if you're interested. (:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 109 secrets from Secret Submission Post #223.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[silver-coins.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I get that. Though I don't think it's non-consensual if a dom decides half way through that he doesn't like it and continues. It's uncomfortable, yes, but not rape as non-consent implies.

Otherwise, it's porn and different things turn people on. The people who wrote it probably gets off on the top being angsty. I get that it can be annoying, but I don't really see it as being wrong of them not to warn for angst if it's not dub or non-con.

I agree it would be interesting to see explored more seriously, though.

[(Anonymous)]

Of course it's not rape as such. But it's still sex that one person doesn't enjoy, and that's a big squick for many people.

In most of my fandoms I've seen warnings for angst, esp. when it's strong angst with loads of guilt and self-loathing etc.
I think people who don't like dub-con don't like sex scenes in which one partner is not enjoying himself. Even if that partner is not being raped or otherwise forced, but 'only' doing something they don't enjoy out of guilt or desire to please their partner, that's still a major turn-off for someone who wants to read entirely consensual, pleasant sex that both partners enjoy equally.

I'm probably reading things into this secret that aren't there. I might be oversensitive because my best friend is a dom who's seriously pissed off by this attitude, even in parts of the BDSM scene, that only the sub can possibly get hurt. So I should just STFU and leave this secret alone. ;)

[silver-coins.livejournal.com]

Obviously. Like I said, I get that it's annoying and why people don't like it. However it's really only "required" to warn for common triggers like Rape, ED's etc. If it's only angst then I don't think you can expect a trigger warning like the OP seems to imply is needed.

I don't think anyone's denying that dom's can hurt themselves emotianally when it comes to BDSM in RL. Though I do think the focus should be on the subs on this, if only because a lot of doms tend to abuse their power in a way that subs can not. The onus is on the dom to stop. Both if they themselves feel uncomfortable AND if their sub does. So while they may feel some kind of pressure it's still in their power to stop unless the sub is emotinally abusive or something which doesn't seem to be the case most of the time.

[(Anonymous)]

I guess you're right. I wasn't thinking of a trigger warning or anything like that, I'm usually not big on warnings myself. I just meant to say that anything that is not safe, sane, consensual, and still gets a nice lil BDSM label that makes it look like that should get a warning so people know what they're getting into. 'cos when I read BDSM in a warning, I think consensual, mutually enjoyable sex. I don't see emotional abuse, guilt issues, and people freaking out.

Maybe I've seen a few too many emotionally abusive subs, and fortunately few abusive doms. I think one of the problems is that every even remotely decent dom is aware of the power he has over his sub, the power to hurt them if the dom isn't careful, while many subs, especially when inexperienced, underestimate the emotional impact things have on the dom.

[silver-coins.livejournal.com]

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. I get that Dom's can be hurt, but I really don't think it's something that needs a lot of attention the way violence towards subs does. I'm sure that there are emotinally abusive subs, but most of them aren't abusive BECAUSE of bdsm which makes it drastically different imo. The abusive doms I've met were sadists and basically got off on REALLY hurting people. And even slowly ruining their subs through always pushing more than they should in a lifestyle setting.

That being said, I understand what you're saying. I think we'll just have to have different opinions on the importance of these scenarios.

[(Anonymous)]

I do see your point. Anyway, there's abusive assholes everywhere, among tops and bottoms and everything in between, and as you said they don't need BDSM scenarios to be abusive. And all of this probably has relatively little to do with the secret, because RL issues and warnings for porn because this or that turns someone off are really rather different things. ;)

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Otherwise, it's porn and different things turn people on.

Well yes, and different things turn people OFF as well. Which is why it's doubly irritating when people don't label their angsty porn as just that: both because people who look for it will have a harder time finding it, and because people who don't like it will get bothered by it (and not in the right way).

[silver-coins.livejournal.com]

There is ALWAYS things that turn people off. Nipples turn me off like nothing else, but I'm not going to be whining about there not being a warning. Warnings are for common triggers only. If the author wants to add more, that's great, but it shouldn't be required. There is a back button for a reason.

[(Anonymous)]

yet another DA

Different people also have different triggers. For some people any kind of angsty sex is triggery. That's the big problem of the whole trigger debate, there IS no such thing as a widely accepted list of common triggers - if you accept that one person's trigger is valid, you can't deny someone else the same right. also, there's a difference between not liking a particular body part (that everyone HAS anyway, whether mentioned or not), or not liking a particular sexual scenario (that is NOT part of every sex scene).

[silver-coins.livejournal.com]

No. Widely accepted and common triggers are the once we should follow because a lot of people have them. There's always going to be someone with uncommon trigger and we can't take everyone into consideration.

I did not mean that I hate nipples on it's own. :P I hate porn where focusing on them is a big part; like licking and biting. Not even remotely all sex scenes have that, so it's still comparable.