case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2011-04-16 04:41 pm

[ SECRET POST #1565 ]


⌈ Secret Post #1565 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 12 pages, 297 secrets from Secret Submission Post #224.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 3 4 - not!secrets ], [ 1 2 3 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 3 - too big ], [ 1 2 3 4 5 6 - repeat ], [ 1 - ships it ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

(Anonymous) 2011-04-17 01:05 am (UTC)(link)
As you say, it's a perfectly valid identity. But there's nothing about it that leads me to conclude that it's anything other than a series of choices. I don't think there's such a thing as a naturally polyamorous person who lives a lie by remaining monogamous—I'm sure there are people that would claim that to be their situation, but I don't find it a convincing line of reasoning.

I also don't think there's anything particularly intrinsic about monogamy, for what it's worth. I think the two terms are both labels that we use to describe particular behaviors, and what you "are" depends entirely on what you do, not how you feel.

Also, I understand that you have to reason to believe me, but nevertheless: I am not just talking out of my ass, here.

But in any case, I guess we're just going to have to agree to disagree.

[identity profile] citrinesunset.livejournal.com 2011-04-17 01:47 am (UTC)(link)
I understand what you mean by monogamy and polyamory being behaviors -- I would call them relationship styles, myself. But while those are things you do, I think most people gravitate towards one or the other based on how they feel and what's natural for them, which means they can also be reflections of who they are.

(Anonymous) 2011-04-18 08:47 am (UTC)(link)
I don't think there's such a thing as a naturally polyamorous person who lives a lie by remaining monogamous—I'm sure there are people that would claim that to be their situation, but I don't find it a convincing line of reasoning.

... and here I come to call bullshit. Just because you don't experience it yourself does not mean you get to tell others how they feel. I'm polyamorous - I'm in a monogamous relationship with someone I love, however, there are other people I love in the same way, but there is no way I can admit that to my SO or any one else. None of the people I know would accept that I'm anything other than wanting to have my cake and eat it too, including my SO, amazing as they are. The same way they write off my bisexuality as 'oh, (anon)'s just greedy for sex with anyone.'

(inb4 'get new friends, anon' - not so easy as all that and they're great people otherwise)

Anyway, if you can give me a valid reason why you can just dismiss my experiences as a choice I make I'll be very impressed. I didn't fucking choose to feel like this.