case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2011-04-25 07:38 pm

[ SECRET POST #1574 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1574 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 07 pages, 173 secrets from Secret Submission Post #225.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 3 - too big ], [ 1 - repeats ], [ 1 - unreadable ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.
ext_464495: (Default)

Re: NF

[identity profile] paenteom.livejournal.com 2011-04-26 11:23 am (UTC)(link)
I think the biggest difference is that asexuals, if they weren't in a relationship, could happily live without sex and just don't actively seek it out.
While they may enjoy it once in a while, it doesn't mean that they'd feel their life is uncomplete without it, which is something a lot of sexual persons seem to do.

Re: NF

[identity profile] hikari87.livejournal.com 2011-04-26 03:22 pm (UTC)(link)
But there are people who aren't asexual who can get along fine without sex. I'm not in a relationship and I don't feel like I'm missing anything by my celibacy, and I know a lot of other people who feel the same way, but none of us identify as asexual. I can get along just fine without any partner other than me, if ya know what I mean. while I certainly experience desire and have been very much physically attracted to other people, I've never given in to those urges because I don't see the point in having sex with someone with whom I don't intend to be for the rest of my life. If I don't find that person, then I don't intend to ever have sex with anyone, and I don't think I'll be missing out. I think you're confusing asexuality with voluntary celibacy here...there are people out there who might have a lower sex drive, or who don't want to have sex till they find a permanent partner, and who don't think they are missing anything by not going out and having sex, but that doesn't mean that they are asexual.

Re: NF

(Anonymous) 2011-04-26 04:37 pm (UTC)(link)
DA

This is what's throwing me about the label, it really doesn't seem to have use as a descriptor at all. It overlaps so much with having a low sex drive, liking sex but being fine without it, only being into sex with someone you're into, doing it like a chore, so on so forth. Almost all definitions wind up describing both sexuals and asexuals. But I suppose these issues exist with other labels too. They don't really mean anything, and aren't substitutes for getting to know a person.

Re: NF

[identity profile] hikari87.livejournal.com 2011-04-26 04:47 pm (UTC)(link)
True. And I find it odd that so many people out there seem to totally discount people who choose celibacy for whatever reason and don't feel that they're missing out on anything, even though they'd probably be happy to have sex in certain situations, which they aren't in right now. Not everyone feels like they HAVE to have sex all the time. It doesn't mean that they NEVER want to have sex, or find the idea repulsive, just that they don't see it as a bare necessity of life. Personally I think that it's kind of strange, the way so many people fixate on sex as the main point of their lives, like no one could possibly be happy not having any right now unless they never wanted any at all. I'm sure sex is very nice, when you're with the right person and are sure you want it right now, but I don't think it's something that you either want ALL THE TIME or NEVER EVER EVER. There is so much more to life than sex, anyway. Why do so many people seem to think it's the most important thing out there?
ext_464495: (Default)

Re: NF

[identity profile] paenteom.livejournal.com 2011-04-26 05:54 pm (UTC)(link)
That's not what I meant though, I didn't mean celibacy.
I consider myself asexual because while I certainly enjoy sex and would have sex with someone if I liked them enough and there was some kind of attraction I wouldn't need to have sex with them for it to be a working relationship.
While most relationships wouldn't work out without a sex life, I feel like I just don't need it in my life.
I guess it's hard to find a label that doesn't overlap with other things but it's easier to just say 'I am asexual' than trying to explain this to people.

Re: NF

[identity profile] hikari87.livejournal.com 2011-04-26 10:11 pm (UTC)(link)
okay, I get what you mean. You're saying you don't want/need sex even in an exclusive permanent romantic relationship, right? So yes, that is different. I guess I still wouldn't label you asexual, myself, but there really isn't a neat little box to put you in. Tbh I think this obsessive need to label everyone is kind of ridiculous, people are way more complicated than a label and it's very limiting to try and put yourself into x or y little box; though it does make it easier to explain yourself, a little, to other people who'd have no way of understanding otherwise, it makes things worse when you then have to explain that you only fit into a certain part of that box and not other parts, and other parts of you go in a different way altogether...for myself, I call myself bi because it's easier than explaining to people that I fall in love with/am attracted to people, not their gender. Not that I don't appreciate the different beauties of guys and girls, but I didn't fall for my current crush because she was a girl any more than I fell for my last one because he was a guy. It was just because they were themselves. Sometimes it feels like the people who insist the loudest that no one should be judged by a label who are the keenest to stick one on everyone :/