fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1576 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1576 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Skipped Parts]

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03.

[Lark Rise to Candleford]

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04.

[The Land Before Time series]

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05.

[10 things I hate about you]

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06.

[Metalocalypse]

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07.

[Cats Don't Dance]

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08.

[Aahhh!!! Real Monsters]

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09.

[Politics/George Osborne]

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10.

[Burn Notice]

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11.

[homestuck/problem sleuth]

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12.

[How I Met Your Mother]

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13.

[Hanna]

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14.

[Kanye West/Jonsi]

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15.

[Baccano!]

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16.

[Homestuck]

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17.

[David Bowie]

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18.

[Being Human US and UK]

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19.

[Edgar Wright]

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20.

[Linkin Park]

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21.

[Doctor Who / Sarah Jane Adventures]

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22.

[Generation Kill]

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23.

[Doctor Who]

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24.

[Tentai Senshi Sunred]

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25.

[Tiger & Bunny]

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26.

[Candy Cabs]

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27.

[Ace Attorney]

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28.

[Joshua John Russell/Jason Ellis/Food Network Challenge]

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29.

[D.Gray-man]

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30.

[My Little Pony: Friendship is magic and Touhou project]

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31.

[30 Rock; Lauren Bacall]

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32.

[Walton Goggins (The Shield, Justified)]

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33.

[Legal Drug]

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34.

[Kuroshitsuji]

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35.

[Code Geass]

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36.

[Mistborn]

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37.

[Elizabeth Sladen]

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38.

[Hetalia]

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39.

[Xiaolin Showdown, Hetalia, Looking For Group]

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40.

[The Saga Of Darren Shan]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 088 secrets from Secret Submission Post #225.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 0 - omgiknowthem ], [ 0 - take it to comments ], [ 1 2 - repeats ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Strictly enjoying masturbation more than sex isn't selfish. Some people, no matter how much you care for them/love them or how long you've been with them, will never be great partners. On top of that, "no one knows my junk better than I do."

But upon re-reading your secret, it seems like the fact that the guys said they would rather masturbate than have to worry about pleasing a partner is a big part of what's got you ticked. If they actually meant "worry" as in "OMFG I'm having such a freak out right now! What if I'm no good and he/she can't get off?" then I can sympathise with them. But if they meant "I don't wanna bother with that. His/her pleasure isn't important; I just wanna get off," then I can understand what that would be depressing to you.

To be honest, if someone is only going to have the goal of getting off in mind when they're sleeping with me and not even bother acknowledging that there's another person, i.e me, involved in the equation, I'd rather they just stayed home and masturbated and left me alone masturbate. There's no real point to having sex with someone if your biggest priority/the only important thing is to have an orgasm; you can do that well enough on your own and save everyone some time lol.

Dude, why is there so much hand-waving of bad partners in these posts? If you partner can't please you, it might be time to find someone else who can. You CAN find someone you love who also gets your rocks off, and frankly if the sex is regularly bad it may be an indicator you're not meant to be with this person. A good relationship requires good sex as much as it does love, respect, and all that other good stuff. If you just have the affectionate side without the sex side, then it's missing something; much the same as if you only had the physical without the emotional side. BOTH are incomplete.

This is just depressing, because honestly I think so many of you fannish ladies are with bad sexual partners because you have low enough self-esteem you're too scared or not willing to try and find really good partners for yourselves. I know the responses to this will be something about the glory of love and how I don't understand it and blah blah blah, but I'm near 30 and just clicked past year 5 in a relationship with a man I love AND who gets me off. And part of why it's so great is because I ended up leaving a relationship where I loved the person, but we just had no sexual chemistry. Because love alone is NOT enough to make a healthy relationship. There's gotta be lust too.

Well sex isn't the most important thing to some people and they can overlook it. Hence the handwaving. If you're relationship is mostly a sexual one, then breaking up over bad sex makes sense. But some people's relationships aren't like that. The sex is just an extra, not a foundational pillar.

And you can have a great meaningful romantic relationship with sex. I'm sure people do it all the time. Some people don't NEED sex or even want it. Two people who are like that can have a great relationship.

This is just depressing, because honestly I think so many of you fannish ladies are with bad sexual partners because you have low enough self-esteem you're too scared or not willing to try and find really good partners for yourselves.

Well in my case, you're definitely wrong. I'm not afraid to tell someone they're bad at sex or look for someone who is. But sex isn't everything. Intimacy doesn't equal sex. And lack of sexual chemistry is only an issue if it REALLY MATTERS that there isn't any; if you don't give a crap or it's just a minor thing that you kinda enjoy but aren't seriously invested in.

This, this, THIS.

I love absolutely all of your comment, you wise grown-up person, you.

[ SECRET POST #1576 ]

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