Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2011-04-27 07:54 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2011-04-27 07:54 pm
[ SECRET POST #1576 ]
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
01.
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02.
[Skipped Parts]
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03.
[Lark Rise to Candleford]
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04.
[The Land Before Time series]
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05.
[10 things I hate about you]
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06.
[Metalocalypse]
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07.
[Cats Don't Dance]
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08.
[Aahhh!!! Real Monsters]
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09.
[Politics/George Osborne]
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10.
[Burn Notice]
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11.
[homestuck/problem sleuth]
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12.
[How I Met Your Mother]
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13.
[Hanna]
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14.
[Kanye West/Jonsi]
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15.
[Baccano!]
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16.
[Homestuck]
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17.
[David Bowie]
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18.
[Being Human US and UK]
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19.
[Edgar Wright]
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20.
[Linkin Park]
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21.
[Doctor Who / Sarah Jane Adventures]
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22.
[Generation Kill]
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23.
[Doctor Who]
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24.
[Tentai Senshi Sunred]
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25.
[Tiger & Bunny]
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26.
[Candy Cabs]
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27.
[Ace Attorney]
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28.
[Joshua John Russell/Jason Ellis/Food Network Challenge]
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29.
[D.Gray-man]
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30.
[My Little Pony: Friendship is magic and Touhou project]
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31.
[30 Rock; Lauren Bacall]
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32.
[Walton Goggins (The Shield, Justified)]
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33.
[Legal Drug]
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34.
[Kuroshitsuji]
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35.
[Code Geass]
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36.
[Mistborn]
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37.
[Elizabeth Sladen]
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38.
[Hetalia]
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39.
[Xiaolin Showdown, Hetalia, Looking For Group]
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40.
[The Saga Of Darren Shan]
Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 088 secrets from Secret Submission Post #225.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 0 - omgiknowthem ], [ 0 - take it to comments ], [ 1 2 - repeats ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2011-04-28 05:37 am (UTC)(link)On the other hand, amongst the guys I know, even the one with the widest reputation for being a VERY generous lover has admitted to feeling this way sometimes. And to feeling like, "Oh, you want to stop? Argh, can't you just give me a handjob first?" He says he doesn't think that women are obligated to get him off for free or anything; but he would take a freebie any day regardless, even if he knew she wasn't thrilled about doing it. Asked why, he pointed to the general insistence of anatomy that goes CLEAN THE PIPES WITH HASTE, ORDERS FROM BRAIN AND PROSTATE.
Both women and men can feel (on any given day) like they just plain don't want to make the "please your partner" level of intimacy happen, I think. But women are way less likely to have orgasm be such a regular physiological need. I mean, I've been horny and all. But...I just don't think it's the same thing.
And honestly, I kinda sympathize with the guys you overheard, too.
Under my name, my official stance is that someone who doesn't want to please their partner is a selfish louse. Secretly, I don't have any sexual interest in pleasing someone else whatsoever. Emotionally, I might, but that wouldn't come into play for casual sex. (Hence part of the reason why I also just masturbate.)
Wish I could change it, but I can't seem to. I swear I'm quite a generous person otherwise; but when it comes to sex, I'm hard-wired selfish as fuck. (WAY less acceptable among the left than having a freaky kink.) If those guys reveal those feelings to a lot of women out there, they'll immediately be written off as total jerks. Maybe they'd deserve it, but I couldn't help cringing in sympathy reading your secret - if they don't get off on pleasing their partner, they just don't.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2011-04-28 05:49 pm (UTC)(link)But that makes it sound like you don't value orgasms too much (which is fine if that's how you feel), but then you write 'but when it comes to sex, I'm hard-wired selfish as fuck', which sounds like what you mean is you concentrate on whether or not you yourself orgasm. Soooo it sounds like you do put a value on good orgasms.
Look, you can enjoy orgasming and still be a generous lover. You just have to find someone who is good at getting you off. I'm willing to bet you've been with bad lovers and had to spend most of the sexytime stressing yourself just trying to get yourself to the O before they're finished. That is not how sex should be, that's just sex with dudes who are bad at it. This is not uncommon for women, to be frustrated like this, and it doesn't mean you're selfish or you're 'hard-wired' to be so, and convincing yourself of that is doing yourself a disservice.
And yes, while it's ok to indulge in masturbation and totally understandable to sometimes not want to have to worry about a partner, making it one's entire sex life because you've decided that there's just no point in involving other people is not too healthy.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2011-04-29 07:53 am (UTC)(link)I didn't say it can't be important to women. And maybe you also have an unusually high libido. But men and women have physiologically different experiences regarding the drive to orgasm.
I am stuck having a really, really hard time with women who refuse to acknowledge this. It always feels to me like they are determined to either ignore reality, or trivialize how men feel as unimportant.
But that makes it sound like you don't value orgasms too much (which is fine if that's how you feel), but then you write 'but when it comes to sex, I'm hard-wired selfish as fuck', which sounds like what you mean is you concentrate on whether or not you yourself orgasm. Soooo it sounds like you do put a value on good orgasms.
No, I really don't give much of a shit about my orgasms at all. It's possible (maybe even probable) that I subconsciously devalue my own orgasm; at the same time, I can really only manage to orgasm about once a week anyway, and still genuinely enjoy sexual feelings the rest of the time.
As for the rest of what you said...
No, that's not it. Although I'm aware that a LOT of women are in the position you describe. That's why when I put my name behind it, my position is what it is.
I didn't say above (I was trying not to go into great detail I figured no one would care about), but I really prefer other people's pain, or at least other people's pain mixed with pleasure (so I get the enjoyment of seeing their pleasure "ruined"). When it comes just to pleasure, other people's orgasms and too-enthusiastic enjoyment bore me at best, actively annoy me and turn me off at worst. Someone who makes could-be-pain-or-pleasure noises during sex I don't mind, but someone going, "Oh, yes!" gives me a strong secret urge to smack 'em just so they'll enjoy it less.
It's just kind of innately a selfish type of sexuality. "Hard-wired" because I know of no time when I was different, and have discovered no way as of yet to change it.
Oh, and 26.