[ SECRET POST #1580 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1580 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 09 pages, 213 secrets from Secret Submission Post #226.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 2 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 0 - omgiknowthem ], [ 0 - take it to comments ], [ 1 2 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Oh definitely, they would feel safer staying in. That's part of what abuse does - that's why abused and battered wives stay with their abusive husbands, etc etc. It's incredibly hard to leave, the abuser breaks you down. But it's not healthy at all to stay - and I think fandom should draw the line at being permissive of blatantly mentally unhealthy behaviors like that. Not to say we should shame it - not at all, because there's already too much shaming of victims and the abused going on. But it shouldn't be excused or supported as someone making a rational lifestyle choice - there is nothing rational there.

[kallanda-lee.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm not saying it's healthy at all.

But the OP is getting criticized for saying they'd stay...and I just wanted to convey that I can totally see how that would happen, how you'd stay in situations that are ultimately unhealthy because a) you don't know any different and b) the leap out seems even worse. More so even if the abuse is subtle and you can rationalize it to yourself. There's the I'll-punch-you-a-black-eye abuse, which is of course horrible, but there's also the mentally-breaking-down abuse which is much more insidious and hard to spot and easier to go unnoticed.

So I agree with you totally that it's not a "lifestyle" choice, it's just the shaming people who were blind to it or didn't feel strong enough to leave that I'd oppose to. It gets more complicated because some of these people who exhibit there manipulative behaviour were abused themselves, so they also do not know different, and it becomes a very hard circle to break. But I think we're pretty much on the same page here, anon.