case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2011-08-08 08:05 pm

[ SECRET POST #1679 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1679 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 06 pages, 136 secrets from Secret Submission Post #240.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 0 - omgiknowthem ], [ 0 - take it to comments ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Re: OP

(Anonymous) 2011-08-09 01:51 am (UTC)(link)
No, I'm not young and this isn't my first serious relationship. I didn't even used to think this way at all. I suspect the feelings are leftover from a past emotionally abusive relationship. That ex did get jealous over fantasizing about fictional characters or actors and he was insecure about it. Over the course of time in that relationship it probably got into my head that continuously watching someone I find attractive was something to feel bad about. He was quite the manipulative bastard. If you're wondering, I did end up leaving him.

Re: OP

(Anonymous) 2011-08-09 01:59 am (UTC)(link)
Good for you! I hope that, with time and support from your new partner, as well as family and friends, you can feel more comfortable and secure with your own desires and feelings. Easier said than done, I know, but I think one of the greatest things you can do for yourself is to take back what you had and enjoyed in life before that asshole ruined them for you.

Re: OP

(Anonymous) 2011-08-09 03:54 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, that does cast a lot more light on this.

You need to understand that emotionally-abusive relationships leave baggage that can last for years. You probably already do. Just because your abusive ex made you feel bad for being attracted to actors or characters doesn't mean it IS bad. It's not. At all. It's completely normal and it has nothing whatsoever to do with any real-life partner.

I've been there. I know what that kind of lingering baggage can do. The best and most important thing you can do for yourself is to get his voice out of your head once and for all. Actually, one mental trick I've used that helped me was to have arguments in my head with the specter of my ex once in a while--and joyously embrace everything that he used to criticize me for. That was good for me. Abusers often attack their victims' sources of enjoyment and inspiration, because they want to break the victims down into a state of total dependency.