[ SECRET POST #1680 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1680 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 102 secrets from Secret Submission Post #240.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 0 - omgiknowthem ], [ 0 - take it to comments ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: just some advice from your friendly neighbourhood anon.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh lord, you really are me from three years ago. And you've got it bad.

just soulcrushingly depressing

After three months of denial, I went through a period of heartbreak and depression that was so bad that I hardly left my bed, let alone my room, for about a month. I nearly failed out of college. I cried all the time. Fortunately I had very tolerant friends who put up with me talking about my friend 24/7, and a therapist to help me sort through my feelings. I'd recommend seeking one out, just to help you figure out how to control your own feelings, or find an outlet for them that won't damage your friend. I lashed out at my fandom friend a few times during that month and for some time after, blaming her reluctance to enter a relationship she didn't want on cowardice, blowing up at her for little to no reason, before I got a proper hold of myself. I'm naturally extremely mild-tempered- previously to this point I had had no real anger to manage, and so had no experience in handling it. It's a testament to the strength of our friendship that we managed to work through it together. Again, a therapist or psychologist might be an extremely useful tool for you to have right now.

frankly, she deserves much better than me

Again, this depends. Now, I don't know you, but I tend to put myself down when I find things going wrong, and this sounds an awful lot like negative thinking about yourself to explain away why your friend may not be interested.

it can be emotionally draining for me

I also remember this. I don't have amazing advice when it comes to this, but it's very important that you find a way to emotionally recharge. RL friends, film, homework, music, concerts, bowling- What do you enjoy that isn't involved with your friend? The thing that got me out of bed, cleaned up my act and my grades, was stupidly happy punk and punk-pop music. I played that every moment I could, to every activity I could. I was tired of feeling sad and sick and helpless, and fought back my own feelings of depression with every scrap of energy I could- JK Rowling got it right with patronii vs. dementors. Not every depression, obviously, works like this, so again, I'd find a therapist or psychologist with some knowledge into the matter.

She's so tangible & perfect she makes everything/everyone else paltry & sour by comparison, but I still can't have her. It'd be different if I was in love with Angelina Jolie & know I could never have her or likely even meet her. Here, I'm so damn close & still denied.

Oh GOD do I remember this. Unfortunately, I was idealizing my friend, lusting after the IDEA of her instead of seeing her as her own person with faults and frailties and wants and needs. You need to consider what would make your friend happy, and if what makes her happy is you as a friend, you need to either accept that or break off the friendship. It took me another three months for me to come to that conclusion, and two years for me to feel fully comfortable in balancing my love for my friend with the role she needed from me. We kept pausing our discussions in fandom and our fanworks to talk through our feelings the entire time- communication is essential, otherwise you will end up resenting each other and getting passive aggressive and frustrated with one another. Again, this was a process that took two years, a lot of patience, and the establishment of some boundaries. I know what I cannot say/do around her that would make her uncomfortable, and she now knows what kind of behavior feels to me like leading me on. Believe it or not, we are often very happy together. We fight sometimes, but we make up and that's okay and absolutely normal.