Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2011-09-14 07:58 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2011-09-14 07:58 pm
[ SECRET POST #1716 ]
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 134 secrets from Secret Submission Post #245.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.
i. i am so sorry but this is so personal for me and lksjdfd
(Anonymous) 2011-09-17 12:20 am (UTC)(link)I don't think what I have is an orientation. Like you said, there are people who can't be aroused without being held down, or being in control, or their partner is a certain age. It *is* a psychological requirement to have the arousal requirements. It isn't a fetish, because emotionally connecting with someone is in the mind/heart, not a body part or the color of their skin or an object, but "kink" has connotations that what arouses a person is unusual, which tbh, gets twisted to "wrong" (which is why I hate the word because all sex should be seen as fun and healthy). "Demisexual" (it really needs to be called something else), is only half of an otherwise healthy picture.
Normal people have both "sides," which allows them to not only be attracted to people they know, but others they *don't know* yet, to form emotional attachments, but *not have it be the end all requirements* for arousal to take place. Likewise you can have an emotional attachment to someone, but *not* be aroused by them. It doesn't mean you can have sex with "whoever", but it does mean your body is healthy and reactive to a variety of stimuli.
I'm seen as "weird" because SOs need to be THERE with me, connecting right back at me. I *can* do it for just physical release. But I can't have silly drunk sex where I'm not able to readily have that connection, my body just wont. I wish I could be normal, because it would be easier for SO's. There have been times when I *wanted* sex (who doesn't love orgasms), the person was attractive by social standard, not skeevy, but my body and attraction would not stir.
Tbh it's really a subcategory of intimacy. "Normal" people can express their sexuality in a variety of ways, their body and mind in agreement. But it's like how my friend describes looking at gay porn, she guesses the women are pretty, but she could never get off it. I can't look at a perfectly normal person, and think, 'I'd hit it' or joke with my friends. But an emotional attachment? At times an instant "boner."
I'm probably doing a shitty, rambling job explaining this. It was horrible during my younger years, when I didn't understand and was so embarrassed I was attracted only to people I knew intimately when hormones set in, in this case old friends, and it ended horribly at points. I didn't know why I couldn't be attracted to people I met on outings in high school, or be willing to go on a date with a person in college. It was extremely difficult to be introduced to people who clearly had the intent to be set up with me, only for me to be terribly self-loathing that I wasn't attracted at all the first date. It's taken a few years and therapy to not only make new relationships (friendships), but to stop from being attracted immediately when an emotional attachment began to form.
I don't want to call it a disorder, because I *am* happy, I came from a good family and never was starved for love or felt particularly lonely or feeling people will leave me, which normally comes with borderline personality disorders. I don't even feel like I'm unsafe, or have fear if I don't have a connection. It's my body not getting anything out of it at all, no matter it would have made my life so much less emotionally draining (irony).
It is definitely nowhere near a sexuality the way being homosexual or heterosexual is, which is prominent, and therefore has a continuing dark history of oppression and violence. Bisexuality and asexuality are not as readily under fire because it can be easier to "hide" or not as obvious, but they are still ways the body responds.
I had to just explain to my mother that it was *like* putting asexuality and bisexuality together, to get her to understand a *little* when I was in therapy. It's not, but it was the closest I could think of.
ii. again i am so sorry
(Anonymous) 2011-09-17 12:26 am (UTC)(link)