fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1753 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1753 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Secret of Kells]

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[Shortpacked/Strangers With Candy]

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[Ricky Gervais]

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[Marshall Eriksen]

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[Lady Gaga/Tony Bennett]

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[ThouShaltNot]

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[Russell Howard and Jon Richardson]

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[Queer as Folk]

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[Thor]

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[Blacksad]

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[The Iron Giant]

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[Dragon Age 2]

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[Fringe]

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[Monster High]

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[Tropic Thunder fake trailer]

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[Doctor Who]

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[Kane chronicles]

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[BBC Sherlock]

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[Spaced]

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37. [repeat]

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38.

(Transformers: Prime)

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

43. [SPOILERS for Gears of War 3]

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44. [SPOILERS for SPN]

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45. [SPOILERS for SPN]

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46. [SPOILERS for FMA]

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47. [SPOILERS for The Mentalist]

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48. [SPOILERS for Marvel (X-Factor, Avengers)]

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49. [SPOILERS for Community]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

50. [TRIGGER WARNING for rape]

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51. [TRIGGER WARNING for abuse]

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52. [TRIGGER WARNING for sexual assault]

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53. [TRIGGER WARNING for gore]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #250.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Dudley had finished counting both piles when Harry wheezed his way over to the table and sunk his thick backside into a chair. Dudley gave a quick thumbs up, the gesture almost lost in the expanse of his pudgy hand; their plan had worked. Harry grinned to himself and turned to the table, only to find the most horrible sight he had ever seen before his eyes.

“Why isn’t there anymore bacon?”

Vernon stopped mid-bite and stared down at the greasy and crumb-covered, but otherwise empty serving plate.

“I want bacon this morning. Why isn’t there any?”

Vernon lowered the burnt quarter-piece slowly back down to the plate.

“That’s burnt! Why isn’t there any good bacon left? Why?!”

The sound of impending screams brought Petunia shuffling back into the kitchen, struggling to hold the final stack of boxes in her arms. Vernon jumped to his feet to get them for her, grabbing before they dropped out of her thin arms. She turned her wide eyes on the black-haired boy.

“Is something wrong, Harry-sweetums?”

He glared at her, eyes squinting out between bulbous cheeks and eyebrows.

“There’s not any bacon left! You didn’t make enough!”

“No no no no, sweetie, I just wanted to make sure it was warm when you came down, it’s in the oven. I would never forget to make enough on yours and Dudley’s special day.”

He rushed to the oven without another word, pulling out the overflowing pan, while Petunia leaned over to whisper into Vernon’s ear.

“Dudley went through the first pound earlier, and that one is for Harry, so we only have three left. Could you run out to the store soon? We’re cutting it very close.”

Vernon nodded and set down the boxes, pecking Petunia on the cheek. He was out the door in a minute, always ready to provide for his son and nephew. He stepped right over the parchment envelope on the doormat.

You know, I think I love you right now. <3

Also, their birthday list idea was fantastic.

I kept reading in dread and horror and wonder. This is a thing of grotesque beauty, of sublime disgust. I don't know whether to bless you or to curse you, and I don't know if I want for you to continue or to stop, for the love of God, stop.

I am not the writer, I am merely the conduit by which this thing entered the world. I do not know from where this beast originated, but it is beyond me, beyond you, beyond any of us mortals. Stare into it, gaze into Harry's fat rolls and know that this world is not always a kind or fair place.

I'm hypnotized by the sheer wonder of this fic, omg

Thanks! Somehow this was just the night for crack.

...I think I love you.

This was glorious. :D

It's glorious in how repulsive it is :P. I feel slightly greasy after writing this. I don't know if I could ever muster the energy for their trip to the zoo, or even come up with anything grosser than the adventures in bacon preparation.

Somehow I don't blame you for feeling this way. But I think you'd definitely have an audience for this! It's kind of hard to describe. Perhaps it's like those paintings you see depicting Dante's hell. Glorious but repulsive as you say. Only you know with fanfic and bacon involved.

Still it would be nice if the Potter fandom perhaps got in on this (maybe you should put it on ff.net or a journal entry- advertising on a HP comm for the eternal easy access for the masses?).

You actually do see the occasional fic where the Dursley's treat Harry like a son (sometimes with Petunia raising them alone the odd time without Vernon), but while I do like them in their own way, usually Harry doesn't GET the canon!Dudley treatment. Instead both Dudders and Harry are raised normally in those stories which when you think on it, doesn't make as much canon sense as your fic.

I think this adds to the fascination and repulsion. The fact this so easily could have been canon given the way the Dursley's are presented to us and how Dudley was in fact raised in the books themselves.

I'm probably going to post this on my FF later, so hopefully it will go over well.

You could get into a big nature versus nurture debate over Dudley, and whether Harry would react the same way. Was Dudley's seventh book mini-redemption just him growing up, all from the dementor attack, or some inner kindness finally taking a stand against years of being spoiled?

I just wrote a very long fic for the dudley_redeemed fest (still anonymous until after posting), but honestly, one of the easiest things to redeem Dudley seems to be to get Petunia and Vernon out of the picture as quick as possible.

With the cartoonishly evil Dursley's, there are so many ways Harry could have turned out far worse than he did, not to mention completely unsuitable for Dumbledore's plans. I read someone's essay somewhere (yay vagueness) about some of the different after effects of abuse and what a gamble Dumbledore was taking. What if Hagrid had found an emotional cripple in the hut on the rock, a kid so cowed that he wouldn't stand up to anything? Or a child so desperate for attention that he didn't mind getting it in negative ways, and became a nightmare to try and control, even for normal things like school? Or a child so starved for attention that they would devote themselves heart and soul to the first person that gave them the time of day, good or bad? (some people in the comments of the essay made the argument that that's kind of what happened anyway). I know it's a book, and a kid's book, so it was always going to turn out okay, Harry was not a broken child, and he doesn't grow up into a war veteren with PTSD. But there were just a lot of variables that could have made a far worse person, and one of them could well have been excessive kindness.

I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. This is seriously amazing. Have a cookie for writing this <3

But Harry would steal my cookie. Then demand more. Please don't make me his target...

But seriously, thanks, glad you enjoyed it!

[ SECRET POST #1753 ]

Re: Harry Potter-Dursley and the Tragic Lack of Bacon, Part 3

Re: Harry Potter-Dursley and the Tragic Lack of Bacon, Part 3

Re: Harry Potter-Dursley and the Tragic Lack of Bacon, Part 3

Re: Harry Potter-Dursley and the Tragic Lack of Bacon, Part 3

Re: Harry Potter-Dursley and the Tragic Lack of Bacon, Part 3

Re: Harry Potter-Dursley and the Tragic Lack of Bacon, Part 3

Re: Harry Potter-Dursley and the Tragic Lack of Bacon, Part 3

Re: Harry Potter-Dursley and the Tragic Lack of Bacon, Part 3

Re: Harry Potter-Dursley and the Tragic Lack of Bacon, Part 3

Re: Harry Potter-Dursley and the Tragic Lack of Bacon, Part 3

Re: Harry Potter-Dursley and the Tragic Lack of Bacon, Part 3

Re: Harry Potter-Dursley and the Tragic Lack of Bacon, Part 3