fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1775 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1775 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 10 pages, 247 secrets from Secret Submission Post #254.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 2 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 0 - omgiknowthem ], [ 0 - take it to comments ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

But you would want to know that he was spending hours looking at porn wouldn't you? I mean, even if you didn't care what kind of porn it was, it would be important to you that that was something he was spending his time on.

I mean, take sports. I don't give a hoot about sports. But if my husband were big into it, I'd want to know which teams he rooted for. I wouldn't watch myself. If he was going to his friends to watch a game together, I'd want to know that's what he was up to, even if I didn't care about the details.

not really? We keep certain things separate from each other. We love each other deeply, but my life doesn't really revolve around him. But that's just what works for us. And I think it's awesome that your relationship works for you the way it is

No? My SO has his 'lair' down in the basement. He watches MSNBC all night and who the hell *knows* what else. Sometimes porn - he'll send me an interesting link - sometimes something off Netflix. It's his detox from work time, his catch up with friends time, and i don't need to be glued to his side or get five-minute updates on what he's doing. Just...not necessary.

How many people change hobbies every 5 minutes? Come on, you are exaggerating.

Knowing your S.O.s hobbies =/= as hovering over them every second of the day. All it means is that one day her S.O. walks into the room, notices she's writing something and offhandedly asks what she's doing. Sooner or later, it's going to happen.

And then she has the choice of lying, or admitting the truth. And if she feels she needs to lie, that's not a good thing.

This! "There's this thing in my life. 'k?" "'k!", end of talk. We don't need to share stuff if we're not both interested. But taking up an entire freaking hobby and not telling :my: SO would feel all kinds of strange.

No.

My husband spends hours on the computer each night. I spend hours on my computer each night. When I walk past, he'll usually just be playing a video game or browsing ebay. I don't need to know what exactly he is doing, what games he is playing, what porn he is watching, because I trust him. I don't need to know every single aspect of his life. And I certainly don't need to know if he spends his time writing Mpreg slash fic about Snape/Dumbedore. And I very much doubt he needs to know that about me (if he did, he'd ask).

Sports are obviously different. If he is leaving the house on a constant basis at the same time every week, of course I'd be curious as to where he's going, what he's doing during that time, and when he's coming back. That's just human nature. If I'm going down to the store, I'll tell him where I'm going and ask if he wants something. I don't just walk out of the house, take the car, and not tell him where I'm going.

But being involved in fandom and writing for fandom is exactly like leaving the house on a constant basis. If you were doing something that involved the amount of time it takes to write fic or be involved in fandom, your S.O. is probably going to look across the room at some point and ask what you are doing just to appease curiousity.

And then you'd say "I'm writing for fandom."

And then it turns out that he is not okay with that. He ridicules you for it, or he thinks it's dirty, or wrong in some way.

And then you have a problem.

It's best for the OP to let her fiance know, so she can know that he's okay with it. Just in case it turns out that really, he's not okay with it. And I have known people who weren't okay.

[ SECRET POST #1775 ]

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