fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1810 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1810 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 10 pages, 230 secrets from Secret Submission Post #259.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 2 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 3 - too big ], [ 1 2 3 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

03. http://i39.tinypic.com/2463y2g.jpg

eh, it happens. It hurts, and it's confusing, but you'll get over it after a while. I started to pull away at about 13~ when I realized that while fandom may seem more accepting and tolerant on the surface, it's just a different kind of clique, that can be just as discriminatory and petty as groups in rl. Whatever your reason for drifting off, trust me, it's not as big of a loss as you think it is.

Yeah, this.

so much

Also, it may mean that you're "growing up / out" of fandom simply because your "real life" is becoming more fulfilling, so you don't need the escape and fun you once seeked in fandoms as much as you used to.
That would be a good thing IMO.

People change, their interests drift with time... Nothing wrong about it.

This. Also, face it, a lot of fanfic is really badly written (with, of course, some exceptions) and derivative, so after a few years you realize that you've seen most of it before.

Eh, people's interests change over time. Not always a good or bad thing, just the way it is.

Also, no such thing as a "proper fan". You like something, you're a fan. You don't have to participate in group discussions or write fic or draw fanart or anything to have the badge of "fan".

It's no big, and no, you don't sound condescending. My interests, goals, hobbies, and lifestyle fluctuate on a whim, and where I used to be worried about losing what's essentially me, I realized those things don't necessarily define me. I'll grow out of certain ideas, latch into and learn about new ones, and stick with what holds my attention until I'm satisfied with it.

Actually, most of that probably just implies I am easily bored. But my point is, just roll and have fun with change :)

Even outside of "oh interests change it's natural whatever," I wouldn't worry about this! I've been diving in and fading out of fandom ever since I discovered it properly at around 13. So sometimes I'm a lurker, sometimes I go full-on and do some fanart, other times I'm mostly just active in discussions... You get the idea. XD And these on/off periods can last from months to about a year or two. It seems like it's mostly about how active/talkative I'm feeling at any given time, and whether or not I've recently gotten in to something that I'm really really excited about.

I've felt like this about fandom from time to time too. Other interests have taken over.

But eventually, there has always been some movie, show or book that has been too awsome, that I have to to SOMETHING about it, write, discuss, fangirl, and so I've been drawn into it again...

I don't fret about too much these days.

From the sounds of this secret, it doesn't sound like you'd really be hurting anyone by admitting you're losing interest in fandom online. You still like talking to your friends and all that, so I'd say that sounds pretty awesome to me! c:

I hope you're able to figure this out in a way that makes you not feel so guilty.

"proper fan" oh okay

I sympathize with you, OP -- change can be frightening, especially if you've spent a lot of years defining yourself as a "fan" of X or Y thing. As you grow and change, the way you enjoy things grows and changes too. When I was younger, I used to write fanfic constantly; as an adult, I just don't care to invest the time. But as a fandom adult, I also want to stress that it's not impossible to go back someday: unlike the ball pits at restaurants, you won't ever grow irreversibly too tall (or too short, or too thin, or too fat) for fandom. If the mood ever strikes you to write fic, or draw fanart, or post on Fandomsecrets, you can always jump back in :)

Edited 2011-12-18 00:20 (UTC)

To answer your question, you sound a lot condescending.

Well, it sounds condescending because you call it "growing out" of fandom, as if it's something you're doing because you're a mature adult, as opposed to just "losing interest" in fandom. And it could be just a phase--I know I barely had the time or energy for online fandom in college, then I got back into it for a period, and now I'm on the periphery again. Sometimes it's just not the right time in your life, and that's okay. Or you could be drifting away because you've found non-fandom things that fill the spot fandom has taken, and that's okay too. You can always pop in from time to time if you feel nostalgic.

Re. the condescension, I feel I should explain because I am SO uncomfortable with how the wording sounds...while it was considered normal among both my IRL and online friends to be active in fandom when we were in our early teens, most of the friends my age have drifted away as they've grown up, and in general I've found it's sort of expected for teenage girls to be active in fandom, less so (although not NOT) adults. Also I used the phrase 'growing out of' rather than 'losing interest in' because I have lost interest in fandom on and off before over the years, but it feels more and more permanent by this point.
/babblicious block'o'text

Also this comment makes me feel better. Thank you <3

This. Saying that you're ~growing out of it~ makes it sound like you're accusing people who haven't lost their fannish interests of being childish/stupid/immature/puerile, which is probably where the discomfort comes from.

You can get bored of something and have to put it aside for a while. You can try doing something else for a while. Later you might look back and find your old enthusiasm.

Fandom is like World of Warcraft. You don't grow out of it, you just take longer breaks. XD

So don't worry, OP.

DragonLady

[ SECRET POST #1810 ]

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so much truth here

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OP

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