fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1915 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1915 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 07 pages, 166 secrets from Secret Submission Post #274.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 3 4 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ], [ 1 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 1 - text secret ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

13. http://i40.tinypic.com/2l2x51.jpg

Uh.

Edited 2012-03-31 19:39 (UTC)

Do you not understand his character and the reasons he does work for those two, or...?

LOL does fandom ever care about Snape's motivation? Half the Snucius fic out there has him join the Death Eaters because he's got the hots for him and makes him quit because Lucius married Narcissa, so.

Snucius. I don't even.

I see your Snucius and I raise you Snupin and Snaco!

~~I'm a little disappointed that no one actually namesmooshes Snape/Ron as Rape, actually...~~

Too on-the-nose, maybe :P

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2012-04-01 11:11 (UTC) - Expand

Only mildy related, but god, I hate the way Snape/Lucius has a tendency to pop up in otherwise gen Lucius fics. I'm fine with the pairing's popularity and all, but freaking tag your shit so I know Snape is having sex in it, because Snape having sex squicks me out.

but then I'm a Lucius/Narcissa shipper who couldn't care less about Snape, so it's kind of hard to find fics to my exact taste. usually I end up reading terrible threesomes just to get my Narcissa fix -_-

Ew, no. I hope you're kidding.

...brain pleach plz kthx D=

You had a nightmare, and you want *us* to suffer? How cruel! D:

LOL this.

lol! i have no idea why (crack) but i am with you on this one.

Hah, I'm surprised at the shock in this thread. It's Harry Potter--what do you expect?

Anyway, I admit I kind of chortled at your secret, OP, but I'm not judgin'. I have read (and enjoyed) Umbridge fic, and I will certainly concede that Umbridge/Snape is probably one of the least squicky Umbridge ships.

-side-eyes- Do we want to know what the creepiest you've seen is?

(It's not Umbridge/centaur gangbang, I hope? thatdoesn'texistdoesn'texistdoesn'texist)

Haha no, you probably do not ;)

It wasn't Umbridge/centaur gangbang though, if that makes you feel any better. Though I'm sure that exists somewhere (probably more than one fic even...), it's not my cup of tea in the least, so I wouldn't know for certain.

Well, I want to know. (But then, I'm the person who always follows links and googles stuff, even when I know I really don't want to know.)

I'd last about 5 minutes in your average Cthulhu story.

Hah, I'm surprised at the shock in this thread. It's Harry Potter--what do you expect?

Maybe they never heard about the literal squick Lucius/Draco fic. Or Harry/Jame's body with the maggots. Or Voldemort/Pikachu. Or Hagrid/Dobby.

The time spent in the HP fandom mean nothing can shock me anymore in the other fandoms.

TBH I really don't want to imagine Umbridge having sex. Partly because I can't help but think she's so awful that she doesn't deserve the satisfaction, partly because.. ewww. I can't help but imagine she'd make simpery faces and weird porn noises the entire time.

oh god. I feel a bit sick now. D'=

She also goes "hem hem" and then starts suggesting ways to better your technique.

And I want Firenze/Lavender fic, but you can't always get what you want. ):

You could always write it
Or go on comms that allow fanfic requests. (:

DEAR ANON: I HATE YOU! I SHOULD BE WORKING ON SCRENZY RIGHT NOW!

Snape gasped as the Headmistress pushed him back against the wall of her office. Her hands were on his robes, her mouth was open and pressed against his, and all of a sudden all the repressed desire he'd been holding for Lily burst forth, a cascade of lust that carved a new channel in the form of Dolores Umbridge.

She moaned and hem-hemmed into his mouth, and ground her hips against his, bringing him to full attention.

Her grip tightened on the front of his robes; she pulled him away from the wall; he staggered, weak at the knees. But not for long, before she pushed him back against her desk. He sprawled across it, ungainly and helpless.

And then she was on him, pushing his robes up, yanking his pants down around his ankles. Her mouth stretched into a wide grin as his cock sprung up, eager as a puppy.

"Do you want -- " But before he'd finished the question, Umbridge had hiked her skirt up. She climbed on top of him, straddled him, engulfed him in a single downward stroke. He arched up to meet her, and she grinned down at him. "Don't finish before me."

Then she began to rock, hem-hemming to herself. She pressed one finger into the furry cleft, and it occurred to Snape that he ought to be helping. She reached for him; she caught his wrist with her free hand and brought it to her breast, then closed his fingers around her nipple. He brought his other hand up to her other breast and she continued to rock, and time faded out, like he was caught in some kind of spell. One time, he came too close to the edge for Umbridge's liking; she reached between their bodies with her free hand and gave the base of his cock a painful squeeze.

After that, he settled into the rhythm that she liked; she tossed back her head and hem-hemmed contentedly as she rode him. He rocked with her, feeling her warmth surrounding him, the weight of her breasts in his hands. He tried to summon up the image of Lily, but this was too different from his fantasies, but by Merlin, it was so good, and then Umbridge let out a soft cry and arched away from his hands, and it felt like her whole body contracted around his cock, and he couldn't hold back anymore. He grasped her hips as his body thrust involuntarily into hers. She cried out again, louder and lower this time, and her inner muscles spasmed around him, and he spent himself in her.

For a long moment they held the tableau, as the world quietly reassembled itself. Snape's heart rate began to slow back to normal, and he saw Umbridge take a series of deep, slow breaths.

All too quckly, it was over. She climbed off him and straightened her skirt, ran a hand through her hair.

"Well, Potions Master," she said. "I think we'll be able to establish ... hem-hem ... a good working relationship."

He wobbled to his feet, pulled up his pants, tried to straighten his robe. "Yes, Headmistress."

D: <--- My face right now. I mean, it's very well-written and everything, but oh my. Apparently, I don't ship Snape/Umbridge. At all. :p